Prince Crispian – Chapter the First

Guest Author Uncategorized

It is nearly three months since our last visit to the Land of Nadir under the aegis of the late Malcolm B. Duncan. Time, methinks, for another sojourn in that fair and mysterious land.

(Image Credit: Prince Caspian Movie Trailer)

An election was looming and the children had decided to leave politics altogether rather than face either defeat or bleak years on the Opposition benches. Little Johnnie was staying on and things were looking increasingly dismal. They’d tried children overboard, they’d tried the mortgage rate scare, they’d tried the no-one votes for the fat bloke anyway (and even that had now been taken away from them), and now it was looking like bipartisan support for old growth forest logging and nuclear power. Short of manufacturing a major terrorist attack in the lead-up to the election, prospects didn’t look good and – since the job of manufacturing was Brendan’s responsibility, given Brendan’s recent experience with manufacturing which made the fat man’s Collins submarine deal look like nothing more than a delayed delivery because the address got smudged in the mail – things were starting to look very grim indeed.

As they sat on the platform at Canberra Railway Station, gold passes in hand, they realised that they were the only passengers waiting for the train. After all, members of the public not only had to pay for the children’s travel but for their own as well which rather priced them out of the market really. The only other object on the platform was a piece of rail freight which had been waiting to be transported from Canberra to Goulburn since 1946. If only the children had known that it was a crate of mothballed Bren guns with 30,000 rounds of ammunition, they could have supplemented their anticipated super quite considerably as well as helping Brendan out.

As they waited and waited and waited (they were waiting for a train after all) and the hours turned into days and the vending machine was slowly running out of goodies, Alexander decided on one big stock-up. Then it began: not like the rush of wind from an approaching train or the increasing sound thrumming through the rails; rather it was a tugging like iron filings being drawn to a magnet. As the children were drawn into that familiar circular pattern that your old science teacher used to demonstrate with a piece of paper and explained was the magnetic field (and let’s face it with the current drought, a magnetic field was about the most productive anyone could get), Little Lucy said, “It’s as though we were being drawn away somewhere.”

“Yes,” said Amanda, “I can feel it quite strongly.”

Peter explained the inverse square law and gravitational attraction while Alexander rather unkindly, as was his wont, said something about gravity and mass.

“You should talk you, you, you … fat boy,” Amanda said.

“Now, now,” said Little Lucy, “It’s probably just the Adelaide water. Although Malcolm did say that at this rate there won’t be any water in Adelaide come Easter. Ouch,” she exclaimed suddenly. [Although this is a children’s story, the author is trying to discourage the use of exclamation marks as being entirely unnecessary even if Jane Austen did use them.]

There was a sudden popping sound and the platform disappeared.

The children found themselves, minus luggage and, most mortifying of all, without their gold passes, in a dense forest where, in spots, an incredibly harsh light shone down through the leaves. The humidity was unbearable.

“Where are we?” asked Little Lucy in a stunned and apprehensive voice.

“My guess,” said Amanda “is that we have just been magically transported into Book the Second.”

“Does this mean I can’t commute my super?” asked Peter petulantly.

“Looks like it,” said Alexander. “I think we’d better explore.”

The children set off through thick forest and finally came to water from which, they could see, in the distance, a facing shoreline.

“I wonder if we’re on an island,” said Peter.

“I’ll look after affairs in the region thanks,” said Alexander.

“Well, as long as there are no boat people,” said Amanda apprehensively.

She didn’t know how prophetic her words were to be.

436 thoughts on “Prince Crispian – Chapter the First”

  1. leone
    I just heard on ABC local radio Senator Ann Rushton talking about food labelling and the survey so I picked up the phone and got through to her electoral office to ask a couple of questions, namely –
    1. Is it the intention to have more granularity in the percentages other than the simple above or below 50%?
    2. What is the precise method of calculation to be used in the determination of the percentage?
    The adviser took the questions on notice and will approach the minister’s office for clarification. I told him that the survey design was somewhat lacking and did not provide opportunity for reasonable comment, particularly its abrupt ending and inability to page back.
    I made the point that if the minister had not yet defined the calculation method the survey would be a fatuous exercise that would achieve little other than the theme for the label and the inclusions of various food groups.
    I left him with a Deming quote “Nothing has any meaning unless the method of measurement is known” and said I looked forward to getting the response and then going back with my comments.

  5. I just got a response from Ann Rushton’s office.
    1. They are considering five levels of Australian content for the labels
    2. They are still developing the method of determination of percentage. They are thinking that it could be by weight for “solid” foods and “volume” for liquid foods.
    I asked about chicken soup made from Vietnamese chicken and Australian water.
    It all sounds a bit juvenile to me at this stage.

  6. I don’t think this food labelling thing has been given much thought. The government is making it up as they go.

    No wonder these government surveys are kept low-profile. They don’t want questions, they don’t want criticism, it’s just window dressing to give the impressions things are being done.

  8. Put simply, city viewers preferred seeing Gillard and Rudd tear into each other (and Greg Combet say “f–k” and “shit” a lot)

    The reporter has a very low esteem of city viewers. I’m sure that most of them didn’t watch for the reasons given.

  9. i have watched a bit of it and like it so far. It seemed balanced. Unlike a lot of people I consider the fight to get to the top of the ALP to be a fitting selection process for Prime Minister. I think the processes the hopefuls need to go through weed out the weak and the stupid.

    How the Libs go about getting their leaders I do not know, however it just produces the greatest sociopath and the ignorant but connected nasty bigots.

  11. So depressing…after nearly 30 years as a Federal PS, I realise that I could never pass the entrance exam set by FDOTM, or even that set by APS, today! Still, I don’t need a moral vacuum cleaner, either

  12. I don’t know how Abbott can get up and say this stuff, with his record he should be the last person to comment. Why doesn’t the MSM stop protecting ‘their boy’ and just talk about his abhorrent behaviour towards women over decades, behaviour that still continues with his treatment of Gillian Triggs.

    Tony Abbott says ‘real men don’t hit’ in plea to end domestic violence
    http://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2015/jun/10/tony-abbott-says-real-men-dont-hit-in-plea-to-end-domestic-violence?CMP=soc_567

    Perhaps it is possible he has never actually hit a woman, but his other actions – wall punching, indecent assault, harassment, verbal threats and intimidation – are forms of abuse and just as much a part of the problem. He certainly has that sense of male entitlement and privilege, and we have all seen the way he behaves towards women in positions of power. His actions encourage men and boys to believe women are there to be threatened, intimidated and treated as lesser beings. Abbott is part of the problem, an enabler if ever there was one.

  16. Bob Katter on the food labelling thing – and I agree with him.

    Katter: Food labelling plan as useful as … on a bull
    http://www.sunshinecoastdaily.com.au/news/katter-food-labelling-plan-useful-bull/2667660/

    Bob is right about the seafood too.

    Imported prawns are full of antibiotics. Eat them and you might become very ill – not because of the prawns but because of the antibiotics in them. This can be life threatening. Anyone who buys imported fish (especially that Basa garbage), prawns and other seafood is an idiot. I would rather do without than buy that muck. Grown in polluted waters, frozen who knows where, kept for who knows how long then served up in the supermarket ‘thawed for your convenience’ or battered and fried in the fish shop. It might be cheap, but it is also tasteless and can make you very sick with a nasty allergic reaction.

    In case you didn’t know – ‘Basa’ is a marketing name. The stuff is Mekong River catfish, farmed in the polluted waters of the Mekong delta.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basa_fish

  18. I’m nominating Gillian Triggs for Australian of the Year but I need a seconder and email and phone contact number. Can anyone help? It looks like they have been inundated with nominations for her.
    Here’s my spiel –
    Ms Triggs has steadfastly and continuously pursued the objectives of her statutory and independent appointment of Human Rights Commissioner in spite of the petty and vindictive treatment being handed out to her by ministers of the federal government and their” shock jock” boosters.
    A lesser and unprincipled person would have succumbed to such treatment a long time ago.

  26. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-10/public-reporting-barrier-reef-water-quality-misleading-at-worst/6535202

    Click to access essential_report_150609.pdf

    http://andrewelder.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/same-same.html

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-06-10/consumer-confidence-slips-back-after-post-budget-bounce/6534778

    https://melbourneinstitute.com/miaesr/publications/indicators/csi.html

    http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/senator-ricky-muir-to-reveal-support-for-same-sex-marriage/story-fnpp4dl6-1227390572739

    http://reneweconomy.com.au/2015/nab-cefc-in-120m-scheme-to-boost-commercial-solar-ev-uptake-53874

  27. Joe6pack,

    I see no reason at all why you shouldn’t do your own nomination – any Pubster would be happy to second it.

    The more the better, in fact.

  28. Fiona

    I’m off to bed, but you can pass my email and phone number to anyone else that would like a seconder for Gillian Triggs.

  29. I am amazed!…simply amazed..do you mob remember that whinge we were having earlier in the week about KPI’s ?…yeah, well..I put in my two bobs worth and included a tease about how i showed an academic chappy who should have been interested in these things, how I concluded the Egyptians had built the pyramids and how they had raised those big obelisks..and he dismissed me as some kind of nutter!…I even included (in brackets) that if anyone wanted , I could show them….well…NOBODY was even interested !!??…which just goes to prove my point…: information will not be accepted across the “education strata divide”…amazing! So now, even our knowledge supply base has been “specialised”.

    Here we have a mystery over two thousand years old and I can give you the answers, but no-one’s interested to even ask, or even to doubt and call me to explain…and we wonder why the next generation is “practically challenged” !

    Man!…where oh where is gone our inquisitiveness?

  30. Response to Leroy’s links about the latest Westpac survey on consumer confidence:
    I wait with bated breath for a reversal of the default observation “The 2015 Budget has been well-received.
    Yes, I’m looking at you Aunty ABC!

  31. Re Slob Hockey’s house: If the mud-gutted leaner had any pride he’d drag himself up a ladder and clean those gutters. Doesn’t he know that water held in blocked drains and gutters endanger the health of those living inside?

    But, if as I suspect, he is not physically up to the task of a) lifting the ladder and b) climbing it, he could then use the method the ancient Egyptians used in building the pyramids. He could stack the bodies of living dole bludgers, asylum seekers along with blacks, LGBT, unionists and people without high paying jobs in a helical fashion around his house until he established a pathway to the gutters. He could then supervise someone to clean them and then remove each of those bodies as they work their way back to the ground.

    And, because those bodies weren’t actively seeking employment while the gutter project was happening, he could remove their dole.

    Win win. Chicken din.

  32. Roy Orbison,

    Your comments made me wonder, yet again, whether Hayek’s book title was didactic or ironic.

  33. I assume you mean Road to Serfdom. Haven’t read it yet. But I will. Next week. Or next year. What I do know is that you’d be magic in a game of Scrabble…

  34. Roy Orbison,

    Yes, I did indeed mean Road to Serfdom – which I read 35 years ago at the behest of a senior partner in the firm that then employed me.

    Don’t waste your time – with the book, that is.

    I adore Scrabble, though I haven’t played it for five or so years. Most of my acquaintances decline, and only occasionally with thanks.

  35. Get a better job, he says. That man, the one we pay more than $350,000 a year, plus perks, plus entitlements, plus allowances, plus reimbursing the rent he pays his wife for her ‘investment property’ in Canberra. The man who says his millionairess wife looks after the family investments, the man who says he has no idea what she does with the money, or where it is invested, or what she does to earn more money. The man who lives in a house bought by his wife. The man who is little more than kept for stud purposes, so little does he contribute to the running and upkeep of his family.

    When this prat finally retires, or gets booted out by the disgusted citizens of North Sydney he will have a handsome pension, payable immediately. No doubt his wife will invest it for him. He won’t know where it is invested or how much income it brings in. She will, as always, sign the cheques and pay the bills. He will, no doubt, with her help, be offered a stack of board memberships, all paid positions, where he will continue to do bugger all for his pay.

    Get a better job, he says, then you can afford to buy a house in Sydney. What a shame we can’t all be elected to parliament. What a job! Handsome pay and conditions and best of all absolutely no qualifications or previous experience required. How else would this dumb heap of blubber ever have found himself such a well-paying job.

  36. Wrong!…Roy O’…as a matter of fact, before I posted that earlier piece, I thought I’d better look up to see if anyone has yet worked it out…just in case..They have come close, but not having the practical experience in building, those engineers are close, but they just haven’t got that little missing bit to solve the puzzle..

  38. Leone,

    How else would this dumb heap of blubber ever have found himself such a well-paying job.

    His espièglerie? His sex appeal?

    After all, all cats (including toms) are grey in the dark.

  39. G’night – another long day of data collection (which rodent tastes better, and why?) tomorrow:

  40. G’Day Roy. Just the other day I was wondering where you were as I made the long trip home from visiting a former Rabbitoh captain.

  42. “Great stuff!”

    What our taxpayer dollars should be funding instead of imported climate denialist shills.

  43. And now I’ll tell you the clues that gave me the (perhaps) solution..I’m telling you, not from any need to big-note myself, for I’ve known this thing for at least twenty years and no-one’s yet been interested enough to follow it up, so I don’t bother anymore.. but to show that one doesn’t need the approval or recognition from any “certifiable authority” to understand the most complex practical equations..because what one person can do another can emulate…and since the reality is that those pyramids WERE built, and those obelisks WERE raised, the solution was known, just been lost in time. The trouble is that NOW, in these days , we have lost the knowledge of how to move things with a labour-intensive workforce.

    The mystery of the pyramids was suddenly revealed when I was replacing the sash-cord on a counterweight of a sash window…weight-counterweight..get it?

    The mystery of raising the obelisk was shown when I was at the cabinet makers workshop of a friend of mine…he used these large sheets of 19mm. chipboard..1800mm x 3.6m. and I asked if he wanted a hand when he was getting one out to cut on the Altendorf saw…

    “No..” he said ” I’ve got a system”..

    And he slid that sheet out, tilted it on one corner, spun it around on that pivot point and let it fall..and then with a deft twist at just the right moment, he flicked it onto the Altendorf with no apparently effort on his part and it fell with a air-cushioned soft landing in just the right place for the cut..you see..he used the sheets’ own weight and gravity fall to power the lift and movement of the sheet…it’s own weight and gravity…get it?

    As I said…they are close to the solution, but there is a couple of missing pieces that have to be worked in-situ to understand..and the building site is just the place for that.

  44. Apologies for the “terse” messages earlier; WordPress apparently doesn’t work with ye olde browsers. (Backing up my hard disks via PartedMagic on a USB stick.)

    The default browser is Firefox 4, which unhelpfully took me to an unhelpful “Lost?” error page. Upgrading to Firefox 12 seems to have worked. (Still ancient, but it’s what “Help, About Firefox” offered.)

  47. Fiona,

    All good; edit away! (I’ve doubled up on “unhelpful(ly)” – but WordPress deserved it.)

  49. Jaeger,

    There are times when even a trebling of “unhelpful(ly)” isn’t enough.

    And it is seriously now goodnight from her.

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