Sunday Satire: Rorting as a Profession

I was reading the comments on Jennifer Wilson’s latest (and excellent) post – I’m flying myself to the footy & I’m wearing Hugo Boss suck it up you sexist socialist serfs – when I came across a magnificent gem from someone named Frank.

Definitely worth a star turn in its own right . . . I hope Guest Author Frank will forgive me for having appropriated his witty words.

Fairfax; Louise Kennerley

I actually don’t mind politicians that rort the system as it proves to my mind that they have initiative and the necessary entrepreneurial skill to dream big and kick a few goals for Australia whilst enriching their own pockets! Nation building is thirsty work so who cares if a few bob goes missing as long as they are kicking goals and rebuilding the country Donald Trump style?! It all goes around anyway. Resist the urge to be jealous of other’s success. Learn from them. I did it with my tradesmen when I paid them in brown paper bags to escape the tax man. None of them ever complained. Theft is the natural order for Australians.

The problem is one of management. Greens should stick to their main theme of being frugal managers and stewards of the planet and general useless pricks who should just ride bicycles around to their local communist branch or go ride hot air-balloons into a windmill or brick wall or gallop on the backs of pink unicorns or bugger-up fairies in search of someone to annoy.

Labor are a tad more realistic and should organise a suitable union to roster the rorting on a democratic basis, equally and fairly with a flotilla of social justice warriors, so all can rip off public funds equally and fairly, including a suitable kickback to their head union delegate – providing they can demonstrate some ability to run the country without sending it broke! This is really a quandary or a major hurdle which is richly disputed that they can do just that as their skill in organizing roots in brothels is always questioned by their Liberal overlords so the jury is till out that they can form or perform any useful function as a credible government without stabbings or murdering one another on a regular basis.

Which leaves it to the Liberals to do all the rorting for Australia. Liberals are like silky otters when it comes to performing payment for services rendered. They can navigate rapids and perilous waters on the Gold Coast whilst negotiating the purchase of a block of units or flat for themselves whilst pretending they are off on official affairs of state. Liberals like beavers are the natural builders of Australia’s economy so should be listened to when they have their hand in your back pocket, so in fairness wouldn’t it be best to put your trust in professional rorters rather than amateur rorters? You wouldn’t let a dodgy plumber fix your bathroom, would you?

Grays

2017: What’s not to look forward to?

I received an email from Vote1Julia a couple of days ago:

Seeing that 2017 is almost upon us, it is time that some hard hitting questions are asked about the political year ahead of us. Questions that the MSM are too timid to ask as they would endanger their ability to draw their pay cheques. So it is up to The Pub to undertake the challenge 🙂

Please find attached two suggestions. I have a couple more in mind if you need a post to kick off 2017.

Naturally I accepted the offer with many thanks, so I will hand you over to our Guest Author. Enjoy . . .

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New Year’s Eve 2016

The only problem with NYE 2016 is the grim prospects in 2017. I won’t detail them: they’re too depressing.

Instead, let us acknowledge New Year’s Eve in whatever way we feel appropriate.

Various friends are out partying, but as I’m not really a

Instead, I’m planning a quiet evening, tidying up a bit after Darling Daughter’s departure.

(Note to self: No housework tomorrow . . .)

Maybe a judicious quantity of

(don’t think it’s too late to get to the shops)

then again, maybe not.

In deference to pet and wild animals, definitely no

Hmmm, maybe I’ll watch

just to whet your appetite.

Whatever you are planning, keep safe and healthy, and remember you are welcome at The Pub any time of the day or night.

Incidentally, if today seems longer than usual, it is: a leap second will be added just before midnight.