The Scion, the Wheat, and the Cabinet – Chapter IX

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If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …

(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)

As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.

Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.

In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.

A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.

Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.

Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”

546 thoughts on “The Scion, the Wheat, and the Cabinet – Chapter IX”

  3. That bastard (McClymidia) used her position to accuse Thomson with corrupt evidence, helped ruin his and his family’s life and his career, brought Labor into disrepute and along with TWO state police jurisdictions and all the media help that could be mustered got a conviction on what?….little more than a very naughty boy for spending $20 thousand or so dollars that could be seen as a so-so situation anyway…and she now goes swanning around with all the self-promotion and presumption of a boiled egg and pickled onion fart in a crowded elevator with a face that looks like a suck on a raw lemon….damn if she and her kind oughtn’t be dragged before some sort of commission and made to explain her actions or suffer the pain of a beard implant!

    Reply

  4. jaycee
    Sheer laziness brought her down. Too lazy to spend a few minutes checking she had the right names attached to the right people, followed by a bit of leaping to incorrect conculsions. It makes you wonder just how much effort she put into making sure her accusations about Thomson were right.

    Reply

  7. AS you all can now post pics ( ain’t I the clever one ) please be aware of what you show. Good taste etc.
    I am sure none of wishes a repeat of the night BB put up a few less than desirable pics.
    If I get sued I am taking you all with me you hear. Plea bargin for me than see youse later.

    Reply

  9. That was a long,long time ago. I’m sure BB has moved on.

    And, yes, you are a clever one. Thanks.

    Reply

  13. This just arrived in my mail.

    Seems some are passing on the carbon tax repeal.

    Dear J6P

    Last month Click Energy spread the good news about the removal of carbon tax to all our customers. Now it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty.

    The percentage of electricity rates that is attributed to carbon tax can vary for a number of reasons including your location, consumption and tariff. We are pleased to tell you that Click Energy’s electricity rates will decrease, on average, by 8.8%.

    We plan to have all our pricing updated in our billing system by October 2014 and start the refund process shortly thereafter. These new rates will be available on our website by 1 September.

    For more information on the carbon tax removal, please visit our FAQ page here.

    We’re looking forward to providing you with even cheaper energy bills!

    WE don,t pay for electricity because of solar but our refund will be a bit more I guess.Good on some companies if they do the correct thing.

    Reply

  19. Will one of you clever “twits” send a tweet to McClymont congratulating her on her brilliant reporting on the Kathy Jackson saga and remind her there’s sure to be a Walkley in it for her.
    Something like..: “K.jaks’n, -1/2 mill’n+..damn fine w’k you!..social media watching, waiting..waiting .”

    Reply

  20. 6Pack

    A question on posting photos now that you’ve got them to appear automatically (Well done).

    On occasion I run across one that may be interesting to small numbers of readers only but can be very large.

    If I post one of these now I assume that it will seriously slow down every ones refresh rate?

    If so, is there a way I can ‘force’ it just to post as a link ? (So only the ‘interested’ download 15mg of photo rather than every one who hits refresh)

    Reply

  21. CTar1- thanks. Have heard lots of positive comments on Portus course both from history buffs and archaeology buffs.

    Returning the favour- courtesy of informed friends
    This TV documentary that was posted on Future learn is a good introduction to Hadrian’s Wall.

    and also Here is another programme about Hadrian’s Wall seen from a Scottish perspective.

    .

    Reply

  23. 6Pack – Thanks.

    OK – So Volubilis, Morocco. Awesome Roman remains. To see it properly you need to download the image to your computer and then open it from there. Then you can scroll and zoom in and out.

    Fingers crossed.

    Reply

  24. Oh dear, oh my. The Vatican end of the Skype feed of Pell before the Royall Commission just dropped out. There is a short adjournment.

    I wish i could have got a hundred backs on that occurring, as I predicted.

    Oh the fallibility of Skype.

    Reply

  30. Bill Shorten has made a statement about the rape allegations that have been floating around the gutters of the internet ever since he became LOTO. Nothing happened, the police have investigated and it’s all over. OR you might hope it was. Those who started this filth will, of course, keep pushng it.
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/21/bill-shorten-statement-police-investigation-allegations?CMP=soc_568

    If we are going to drag up allegations of bad behaviour then let’s have another look at Abbott’s past, The Barbara Ramjan wall punching, the destruction of public property charges and, in particular, the allegation of indecent assault that his daddy had defeated in court. It must be so nice to have a daddy who can afford a team of lawyers and a QC to get you out of a mess. Abbott’s father did this a few times for his adored son. Let’s not forget all that.
    http://northcoastvoices.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/from-archives-tony-abbotts-allegedly.html

    Abbott was still groping young women not so long ago, while he was LOTO.
    http://cafewhispers.wordpress.com/2013/06/20/tony-abbott-and-the-allegations-of-inappropriate-behaviour/

    Reply

  32. … still groping young women not so long ago

    Well, we know that

    no doesn’t mean no

    Besides, young women really like being groped … especially by men old enough to be their father.

    Reply

  34. “What’s for tea tonight, my love?”……..
    “Chinese chicken pie w/ stir-fried vegetables”…
    “Oh right!….finger-food, eh?”
    tonights menu at “Everyday Gourmet”.

    Reply

  44. If you copy from the address bar ie highlight and copy and then paste it seems you get the address of the image.

    If you right click on the image and select ‘Copy Image Location’ or ‘Copy Image URL’ then the image seems to appear automatically.

    ?????

    Reply

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