If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …
(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)
As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.
Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.
In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.
A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.
Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.
Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”
THE PUB 
Jeesus he’s f#ckin’ funny!…but I was trying to get that scene from Juor de fete where he is drunk and he goes to climb over the fence and thinks he is riding his bicycle….god!..it’s one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen!
Jaycee,
Probably from the days of The Frost Report – it went something like this:
Jacques Tati
Jacques Scruffy
Jacques Utterly Undescribable.
What can one say?
Goodnight.
I remember some John Cleese bits from “the Frost Report”….it was good.
Ils doublage qui son sur! (apologies – Google Translate.)
jaycee
Great scene from “Mon Oncle”. Love the way those boys call the passerbys “clients”.
My favourite is still “Jour de Fête”. It’s so poetic and so true to French village life.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers.
They are copping it from all directions regarding health policy. USA here we come! Shame!
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/medibank-scheme-may-lead-to-usstyle-disaster-warns-australian-medical-association-20140820-1068xr.html
And signs of serious back pedalling emerge.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/tony-abbott-signals-compromise-on-7-copayment-as-crossbench-takes-treasurer-to-task-20140820-3e0zj.html
Michelle Grattan says the budget is “on track” give or take $25b or so..
https://theconversation.com/worried-about-nervous-animal-spirits-government-plays-cool-dude-on-the-budget-30739
Stephen Koukoulas on Glen Stevens’ parliamentary appearance yesterday.
http://thekouk.com/blog/high-unemployment-ok-the-rba-thinks-so.html#.U_UVA_mSya8
Psychiatrists come out strongly against the effects of pension changes on people with mental illness.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/psychiatrists-reject-plan-for-mental-health-curbs-on-disability-support-pension-20140820-3e0zk.html
And welfare groups decry the harsh changes.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/20/harsh-welfare-changes-are-the-most-significant-in-20-years-inquiry-told
This government has a blinkered view of what productivity is.
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/casual-call-centre-workers-face-government-axe-20140820-10646u.html
The Race Discrimination Commissioner asks what doe Team Australia mean?
https://theconversation.com/what-does-team-australia-mean-race-discrimination-commissioner-asks-30718
Corruption in Queensland? All perfectly normal it would seem.
http://www.independentaustralia.net/politics/politics-display/qld-lnps-donations-for-deals-move-on-nothing-to-see-here,6794
An Aussie in Ferguson, Missouri – the mess that is the USA.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/ferguson-a-symptom-of-a-wider-malaise-in-america-20140820-1065os.html
Section 2 . . .
Elizabeth Farrelly – corruption fatigue.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/icac-resignations-not-enough-to-clean-up-nsw-corruption-20140820-10635i.html
Is the EuroZone a cot case?
http://www.businessspectator.com.au/article/2014/8/21/european-crisis/theres-only-one-cure-eurozones-terminal-disease
Paul Sheehan has a big spit on financial shonks based on personal experience.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/financial-planners-milk-trillions-of-our-dollars-20140820-1069tp.html
Time for a standard test for financial planners?
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/time-for-a-standard-test-for-financial-planners-20140820-1067ik.html
We wouldn’t need whistleblowers if Morrison did his job properly.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/20/we-wouldnt-need-whistleblowers-bravery-if-morrison-did-his-job-properly
Here’s what Morrison did yesterday.
http://www.ellistabletalk.com/2014/08/21/the-three-worst-things-the-liberals-did-yesterday-37/
Is the ACCC finally on to something on petrol pricing?
http://www.theage.com.au/business/accc-takes-action-on-petrol-pricing-20140820-106dpz.html
An interesting slant on Clive Palmer by Andrew Dyson.
Alan Moir with more on Team Australia.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/alan-moir-20090907-fdxk.html
David Pope continues to do excellent work!
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/david-pope-20120214-1t3j0.html
Ron Tandberg gives us a new political party.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/ron-tandberg-20090910-fixc.html
David Rowe has Cormann at the Sydney Institute.
http://www.afr.com/p/national/cartoon_gallery_david_rowe_1g8WHy9urgOIQrWQ0IrkdO
Tat L&H.is great..I’ve always had a “soft spot” for slap-stick .
The Dyson
How did that work 😕
Let’s try Rowe
Copy image URL
“Team Australia”…..F-M-Drunk!…..it’s like a childrens picnic race. I remember back in primary school we had four teams…
Mercy (the name of the order of nuns there).
Rosary. (well….)
Lourdes ( from the french village)
Fatima ( A location for miracles in Spain).
Well, there’s two geographical locations there…were we “on the wrong team ” in those days…? I know when Mrs. Gilchrist used to slam those keys to a Sousa march on the upright piano , we all marched round and round the tennis courts one-two-three.
I hope we didn’t let the country down!
BK
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/tony-abbott-signals-compromise-on-7-copayment-as-crossbench-takes-treasurer-to-task-20140820-3e0zj.html#ixzz3AyOJgLek
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoon
Didn’t work for me , Duck. What did you do again?
Right click on the image then Copy Image Url puts it on the clipboard. Then Paste in Leave a reply.
TLBD
Well done, love seeing the cartoons like that. 🙂
Works for me. I assume 6Pack has been ‘at’ it.
Ummm, don’t forget we mods have certain responsibilities, so please don’t go overboard with the pics …
? ❓
razz 😛
sad 😦
evil 👿
! ❗
smile 🙂
oops 😳
grin 😀
eek 😮
shock 😯
??? 😕
cool 😎
lol 😆
mad 😡
twisted 😈
roll 🙄
wink 😉
idea 💡
arrow ➡
neutral 😐
cry 😥
mrgreen
US-style ‘managed care’ here we come. Dutton’s brain fart will apply to everyone, whether you are in a health fund or not. It’s easy to see where this will go – join a fund or get limited access to your GP.
Private health insurers set to manage patients’ GP care
http://www.news.com.au/national/private-health-insurers-set-to-manage-patients-gp-care/story-fncynjr2-1227031109206
See BK’s first link for details about how the trial works in Queensland – health fund members get priority.
abc 24 cut away from Abbott’s presser just as questions started to be asked.
Ptmd
I cut away myself at the start of the presser.
Doesn’t Martin Ferguson have any friends left in the ALP?
“Mr Ferguson’s critique of the mining tax saga is contained in Triumph and Demise, a 200,000-word account of the six years of Rudd-Gillard government, including the internal dramas of the Liberal Party, based on more than 60 interviews. Tony Abbott will launch the book, from Melbourne University Press, next Tuesday.”
Warning it’s from the OZ
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/treasury/wayne-swan-misled-industry-with-mining-tax-ambush-says-martin-ferguson/story-fn59nsif-1227031334353
Tony Abbott launches Ferguson’s book – probably doing it as a thank you for services rendered. It will be interesting to see if any Labor people turn up.
If they turn up with RPGs I’ll be happy, Leone.
Fiona
Rotten fruit at the least.
Abbott
“From from a previous gov’t that does not have a clue about fiscal management.”
Talk about Right Wing Projection!
Ferguson. If he could be understood, he’d already be on SkyNews with the other rat, Richardson. Must get interesting at their family get togethers.
Samantha Brookes is doing herself no favours
https://twitter.com/hashtag/icac?f=realtime
http://blogs.crikey.com.au/northern/2014/08/21/nt-parliament-calls-for-foundation-51-inquiry-clp-spits-dummy/
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/business/media-and-marketing/news-corp-threatens-8216action8217-over-leaked-accounts-20140821-106j2d.html
http://www.news.com.au/national/private-health-insurers-set-to-manage-patients-gp-care/story-fncynjr2-1227031109206
http://pando.com/2014/08/19/microsoft-cuts-ties-with-right-wing-climate-change-deniers-alec-but-what-about-facebook-google-and-yelp/
http://grist.org/climate-energy/another-coal-export-terminal-bites-the-dust/
Interesting
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-21/untangling-the-web-how-the-icac-scandal-unfolded/5686346
We shouldn’t be surprised that Dutton is spearheading the Americanisation of our healthcare system given that he was a frequent user of one of the Tea Party’s favourite buzzwords, “socialised medicine”, while in opposition.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/21/labor-could-block-key-elements-of-counter-terrorism-package
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/medibank-scheme-may-lead-to-usstyle-disaster-warns-australian-medical-association-20140820-1068xr.html
http://rt.com/business/181592-china-coal-consumption-falls/
http://www.nature.com/news/double-threat-for-tibet-1.15738
http://www.nature.com/news/lakes-under-the-ice-antarctica-s-secret-garden-1.15729
Abbott talks up the terrorism boogyman by saying we could have beheadings here. FFS! Someone please shut this fool up.
http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/terrorist-beheadings-could-happen-in-australia-tony-abbott-warns-as-he-pushes-tougher-security-laws-20140821-3e2fl.html
CTar1 and Jaycee and anyone else interested in things Roman- one of my fellow Future Learners sent me this- Catalyst! Direct you Oz friends to Portus as well, it is an outstanding Roman course..You should try the Portus course when it is re-run in early 2015. It is an amazingly high standard of tuition with access to a wealth of additional material and with stunning visuals. I had been to Ostia but never even heard of Portus although it is so near. If you have an interest in things Roman it is not to be missed.
Abbott loves a climate of fear and terrorism. He would even invent them to feel happy. He must be completely bereft of ideas.
The painting that Ms Brookes said had a Jacaranda in it
catalyst/jaycee
The link for this course –
http://www.portusproject.org/education/portus-mooc/
There’s a really decent documentary on Portus around as well. Possibly on youtube.
and green grass.
“How Green Was My Valley”.
The Newell painting is on eBay, bidding has reached $8,100.00. All money goes to the Maitland Hospital Foundation.
http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Painting-Perrins-Boat-Shed-Tea-Gardens-Rex-Newell-/17141933416
There are only four very determined bidders so far, all seem to be eBay newbies. Hmmmm……….