If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …
(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)
As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.
Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.
In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.
A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.
Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.
Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”
THE PUB 
27 May is halfway.
Fiona
Who am I to know what you know. It’s just a unknown known (or maybe the other way around).
CTar1,
Rummy will be quoted forever.
Monseigneur Duck,
We shall see.
Tlbd
In Timgad, Yes.
But I’m over that for today and now doing Alexandria on the Oxus.
Hi all,
Thanks for your concern but I had to do a few things after I left the brief comment earlier in the day and my wireless internet is painfully slow or non exsistent. Going to dump Optus soon.
I am relatively healthy. The people you mention I don’t know as it was before I found this site.
Thanks for the nice company and maybe we will meet in person one day.
orangefox,
You may, or not, wish to google “judith barnes” son torture and murder.
Fox
Dump Telstra, Foxtel and Truffles while your at it.
orangefox,
Death, Tax and Pub Get-togethers.
Maybe I should of said sizzling HOT razor.
I think the heateated toilet seat was invented by Dick Smith or maybe marketed by him but it was a bit of a flop or was that plop?
Apparantly some of the laser hair removal systems are very effective but you got to use someone with the right equipment which most don’t have.
Fran has written an extremely insightful comment on Hockey’s End of the Age of Everyone Elses’ Entitlement. over the road.
http://blogs.crikey.com.au/pollbludger/2014/08/18/galaxy-51-49-to-federal-labor-in-queensland-2/?comment_page=11/#comment-2038428
CTar1,
Don’t have so can’t dump. I sometimes ask the people on the Foxtel sales stand how business is going and if the boycott is effecting them. They work on commission only and were looking a bit desperate last time I passed by.
No Optus, No Telstra, What’s left? Malcolm’s ‘string and cans’?
VODAFONE – and don’t go there.
heated toilet seat?
Old school. Now we have
Definitely time for moi to
ptmd
Bloody hell!
I think I’ll maintain the natural order. The last thing I need is a toilet that pisses on me.
Fiona,
Vodaphone, that was my last hope! All gone now.
Acually for those interested in a good mobile phone plan check Boost. Unlimited phone calls and 2GB of data for $40 a month. Runs on the Telstra’s NextG network.
Puffy,
That could be modified from warm air to flame thrower to clear the bum of any annoying hair.
Fox
Nothing like a bit of napalm in the toilet?
You prob read that Telstra bought US Ooyala, a video streaming company for $270 million.
In the Fairfax paper it stated that Fox and News Corp are main customers that use the platform.
In the Australian no mention was made of that obviously but they did mention instead Bloomburg was a customer.
In my opinion it seems there is a connection with this purchase from Telstra and News Corps use of the product.
It seems Telstra is in bed with News and they work in tandem. Perhaps News could not buy the platform due to some US anti-competition law so they got Telstra to buy it for them?
check out TPG for a combined phone, homephone and internet plan.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/plum-line/wp/2014/08/18/what-libertarians-and-conservatives-get-wrong-about-ferguson/
http://www.rferl.org/content/iraq-tikrit-offensive-islamic-state/26539068.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/canadas-second-thoughts-on-f-35-lightning-show-concerns-about-planes-high-cost/2014/08/18/3349a1ba-1e37-11e4-ab7b-696c295ddfd1_story.html
Goodnight Fiona.
CTar1,
Aussies are well known for their toilet humour.
Pity this government can’t even give us a laugh in base taste.
Leroy
I thought people were exaggerating about Abbott but, no, he really does have the look.
Just another FMD thing, I guess, to add to a long list.
Puffy,
TPG is good but Spin Internet is even better last time I checked.
I’ve looked at this 3 or 4 times and fail to understand why it would be reported.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-19/canberra-classic-cars-bmw/5681422
Fox
Owned by Talcum? 😆
Leroy
More good journalism – They put a map in as part of the article but Tikrit is not marked on it?
I know Tikrit is on a sharp bend on the Tigres upstream from Baghdad but few I’d reckon that only 1 in 50,000 non-Iraqi’s would know that.
Less than informative.
I am fascinated by the number of photos of Mr Abbott in recent weeks that portray him as a man who looks so tired and out of his depth. One could expect these images to be from amateur photographers, but many are from the cameras of the otherwise hagiographic ‘fourth estate’.
I am reminded that as a visual species humans will often not see what is actually in front of them if it doesn’t agree with what they think is so. The question then becomes, how does one re-educate our society to see the ‘gorilla’?
CTar1,
Talcum? Is that bad? I havn’t checked.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers.
This is why my principles never allow me to buy things at convenience stores )and petrol stations)!
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/sydney-convenience-stores-under-fire-for-not-showing-prices-20140819-105n8i.html
Ross Gittins – Abbott is deluded and is swimming against the international tide. Why poor people don’t matter.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/abbott-and-hockey-why-poor-people-dont-matter-20140819-105nyx.html
A Senate inquiry hears how the proposed welfare changes will be counterproductive.
https://newmatilda.com/2014/08/19/welfare-changes-will-be-counter-productive-senate-inquiry-hears
Warwick McFadyen suggests that Abbott’s gaffes come from a deep well of ignorance.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/tony-abbott-is-out-of-kilter-on-scottish-independence-20140819-105q3q.html
The more Cormann and his ilk continue to bang on about or “fiscal emergency” the more it will become apparent that it really is a “revenue” emergency.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/mathias-cormann-stokes-debt-fears-in-attempt-to-transform-budget-debate-20140819-105z17.html
Some strong SMH editorial advice on what the government should do with the budget.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/smh-editorial/time-for-serious-compromises-on-budget-20140819-3dync.html
Albo – Abbott’s one year roads promise is about to be broken.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/abbotts-oneyear-roads-promise-about-to-be-broken-20140819-3dyry.html
Hockey backs away from THAT apology.
https://newmatilda.com/2014/08/19/sloppy-joe-backs-away-apology-uses-boat-metaphor-ram-home-point
Michelle Grattan – If you’re a kid in detention, a date is everything.
https://theconversation.com/if-youre-a-kid-in-detention-a-date-is-everything-30682
Damning results from a survey of “polluting businesses” on the repeal of carbon pricing.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/carbon-tax-will-be-back-industry-believes-20140819-105uj1.html
Section 2 . . .
The politicisation of environmental science in Australia.
https://theconversation.com/from-the-reef-to-the-ret-the-politicisation-of-environmental-science-in-australia-30669
Yesterday in the child sexual abuse Royal Commission. The Catholic church’s legal eagle had a tough time.
http://www.smh.com.au/national/independent-commissioner-peter-ocallaghan-appears-at-royal-commission-20140819-105x9b.html
How the victims were told to not go near the police.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/church-lawyer-told-victims-that-police-involvement-would-postpone-process
Sydney maaaates. What a bloody disgrace!
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/disgraced-former-labor-minister-joe-tripodi-and-eric-roozendaal-preferred-nathan-tinkler-to-labor-colleague-jodi-mckay-icac-20140819-105mlv.html
Even the good Minister Adrian Piccoli is getting caught up in it, apparently peripherally.
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/education-minister-adrian-piccoli-confirms-he-attended-fundraiser-at-the-home-of-the-owner-of-a-college-now-under-police-investigation-20140819-10600q.html
A tale of two conspiracy theories – Chemtrails and CC deniers.
http://www.independentaustralia.net/environment/environment-display/a-tale-of-two-conspiracy-theories-chemtrails-and-climate-change-denial,6792
John Oliver takes aim at the unrest in Ferguson, Missouri.
http://www.independentaustralia.net/environment/environment-display/a-tale-of-two-conspiracy-theories-chemtrails-and-climate-change-denial,6792
The AFL’s culture of manipulation is wearing a bit thin.
http://thenewdaily.com.au/sport/2014/08/19/essendon-asada-afls-culture-manipulation/
Turnbull is at odds with Abbott over Scotland.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/clan-turnbull-again-at-odds-with-tony-abbott-this-time-over-scottish-independence-20140819-3dybs.html
How rape culture breeds with silence.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/rape-culture-breeds-with-silence-20140819-105o6z.html
Section 3 . . .
More indication of the effects of cutting the RET.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/cutting-ret-bankrupt-wind-farms-energy-companies
Geoff Shaw. What a dropkick!
http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/geoff-shaw-wanted-taxpayers-to-fund-overseas-wedding-trip-20140819-105tyf.html
MUST SEE! David Pope with Team Australia’s injury list.
Alan Moir brings out Winnie the Pooh again.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/alan-moir-20090907-fdxk.html
John Spooner and Hockey’s desperation.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/john-spooner-20090716-dmsv.html
Brilliant stuff from David Rowe – Clive Palmer. the Yellow Peril.
http://www.afr.com/p/national/cartoon_gallery_david_rowe_1g8WHy9urgOIQrWQ0IrkdO
There was some mention of GST free and “exempt” last night. There is no such thing as GST exempt. There are GST free and input taxed supplies. the difference is that you can claim back GST on purchases when the purchase is related to you making a GST free supply, but not when it’s related to you making an input taxed supply.
And with that, I suspect I have won the PUB’s “Most Boring Post 2014″award.
That Ferguson article is very interesting. Not too hard to see parallels in Australia.
And there, in a nut shell, is your Joe Hockey
https://newmatilda.com/2014/08/19/sloppy-joe-backs-away-apology-uses-boat-metaphor-ram-home-point
Jennifer Byrne had the turgid Greg (cotton sheets) Sheridan and Kate MuckClymidia on her show last night…if she was seeking wisdom from that sloppy duo, she had to be dreamin’!..mind you, at the end, both whisperingly confessed that they were often “informed” from “inside sources” of bits of goss….pity “the muck” didn’t hear any goss when she was angling for a Walkley on the dirt she dished on Thomson for a lousey $20 odd thousand dollars when Jackson was swanning around with hundreds of thousands nestled neatly in the cleavage of her sympathetic to “the poor , poor health workers” bosom!
Useless bums!
If I lose my mobile phone I just ring it. Not this bloke
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/chechen-leader-wedding-phone-ramzan-kadyrov-instagram?CMP=ema_1731
That Pope cartoon is today’s Canberra Times.
David Irvine must be the bastion of something or other. It certainly isn’t truth.
http://www.smh.com.au/digital-life/digital-life-news/telstra-found-divulging-web-browsing-histories-to-lawenforcement-agencies-without-a-warrant-20140819-106112.html?CMP=ema_1731
Cormann is a dickhead. Don’t bother reading what he told the Sydney Institute.
http://www.canberratimes.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/mathias-cormann-stokes-debt-fears-in-attempt-to-transform-budget-debate-20140819-105z17.html?CMP=ema_1731
Of course Fox and Telstra work together. What do you think ‘Foxtel’ means? Foxtel is owned half by Fox, half by Telstra, so if you have Telstra shares……
” Cormann is a dickhead….” Duck’…..What is the grammatical terminology that applies when the first and last word of a sentence can be swapped around without the least loss of understanding or meaning?
Jaycee,
Hmmm – a semantic palindrome?
If one was to observe the rise and dominance of Germany in Europe, one could say that they are where they are now because the German people have purged the racist, right-wing pustulance that resulted in the rise and eventual destruction of Nazism from within the body of Germanic pride. The Nazi state did not come from nowhere, it emanated from some twisted pride and desire for self-determination after the humiliation of the Versailles treaty…But with the complete purging of that poisonous lesion, the German state has risen with hard work and ingenuity to become the powerhouse of Europe…Like-wise with Japan…with the destruction of the dominant influence of “Bushido”, Japan has risen from it’s shameful war history to become a major influence in high-tech advancement.
Perhaps, with the rise of right-wing influence here, we will have to “suffer” the destruction of both our infrastructures and our pride of identity before we “lance the chancre” of right-wing influence and grow to a more constructive, mature governance.
Fiona…Well, it certainly “reads” the same!
With the investments of News-corp into actual service delivery corporations, it would appear that Rupert is become less of a “media mogul” and more of a ‘media industrial”.
jaycee
Did you watch “Foreign Correspondent” last night? It was all about Abe’s increase in military expenditure and the rise of extreme wing groups with a great number of young people joinging the military. Frightening. Also I don’t believe that nazisme is completely dead not just in Germany but in other European countries. Same goes for Japan.
Abe and Abbott – very similar. Remember their leg up on the tyre?
* extreme right-wing
I wouldn’t be so sure. When you swapp them around, you do get the same meaning, but you also get an additional one which is quite rude … And it becomes a verb.
Gigi’..yes, I did..and I agree..on both counts…and I don’t know what one can say about it…tragic, I suppose…perhaps “stupid” springs to mind!
Also…”…but you also get an additional one which is quite rude … And it becomes a verb.”…please explain!?