If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …
(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)
As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.
Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.
In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.
A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.
Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.
Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”
THE PUB 
Joe6pack,
The only enhancement I could suggest to that pic would be to change the title to:
WORLD’S WORSTEST TREASURER
http://www.themandarin.com.au/roger-wilkins-leave-attorney-generals/
http://inside.org.au/climate-change-and-the-intellectual-decline-of-the-right/
http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/geoff-shaw-wanted-taxpayers-to-fund-overseas-wedding-trip-20140819-105tyf.html
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/19/mh17-australias-rhetorical-offensive-was-cathartic-but-self-defeating
http://www.zdnet.com/au/new-powers-could-give-asio-a-warrant-for-the-entire-internet-7000032715/
Jaycee,
Thanks for that link to RN Breakfast. Fran Kelly swallowed the bullshit spread by the abbott and HoJo hook line and sinker and now she can’t get her head around the fact that she was royally conned even as she watches HoJo stuff up the nation’s finances. Swanny made her sound the stupid, brainless twit she is as she tried hard to land a knock-out punch.
RO – Definite ‘Cost’.
The Amount I just made up on the basis if it’s good enough for the Govt to do so then it’s good enough for me. I might add 37 cents on the end just to make it sound calculated.
catalyst,
Forward details – sounds interesting. Please give to Fiona.
(No doubt I’ll fail in a spectacular manner).
😀
Thanks.
Leroy
Roger Wilkins ‘gone’.
He’s probably a great guy but Bow-tie wears have never cut it with me. They have their place but it’s not in the Office.
Fiona
Made me wonder but now I’ve got it (see first definition) –
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Valence
(Fingers X’ed)
Janice…I heard part of that interview this morning, but had to attend the horses…I listened to it again tonight…and I got a clear line on Kelly’s pushy insistence that Labor’s stimulus package was “wasteful” and “failed policy”……yes, she is an absolute dolt!…a complete jackass!
jennyass
frannyass ?
Just heard the new, caring Morriscum on 7.5.
Bucket material.
TLBD..I was going for insult rather than pedantic !
The scammers are out in force lately. 3 -4 times every night last week and already tonight 3 times. The caller claims they are from Telstra and the price of the landline service has been reduced. They need your banking details so that a refund can be deposited. Do people still fall for this crap ? I told the first one I was the King of England. Since then it is just hang up.
No good complaining to Telstra, They claim they cannot block the calls.
Oh dear, Julie, what a short memory you have!
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/clive-palmer-says-mongrels-tirade-was-not-about-chinas-government-or-people#start-of-comments
jaycee,
And very well gone too, sir!
I rather like “frannyass”.
Uhlmann feeding Morescum Dorothy Dixers in deadpan.
Uhlmann and Morescum have rehearsed this little PR. appearence.
Some one hand me a feather for Toolman. He wore his other one out on Morriscum’s arske.
“Thank you Scot…Thank you Chris. Goodnight Scott.. Goodnight Chris”.
Thanks for the tip on Swan at RN, Jaycee. I agree he did an excellent job and wouldn’t have a bar of Fran’s attempts to disparage the government’s achievements. He had a lot more substance than people gave him credit for, and it showed in that interview. Best Treasurer since Paul Keating, without a doubt, and worthy to be in the same illustrious company as Ben Chifley and Keating.
Another subject dear to your heart, Jaycee, Andrew Elder has taken on the Press Gallery/MSM failures of the past 4-5 years, and has hinted that he’ll continue until it is more universally acknowledged. I joined in the correspondence.
http://andrewelder.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/spoiled.html
Yes, GD. I read that piece and also commented…as anonymous , between BB’s and Hillbilly’s….We need to debate some sort of way to drag those MSM. bums before some sort of commission and make them justify their slack-arse journalism !
We seem to be at the mercy of these useless MSM. scribblers…one has to demand : Of what use are they?…They claim to be “well informed insiders”…but where were they when this ICAC. shit hit the fan?…don’t tell me they didn’t know of the NSW. LNP. double dealing at the very time they were throwing crap at Labor only?….Who are they individually but unskilled word manglers..with no courage to give depth, no honesty to ask questions and no decency to hand in their resignations when proved so utterly, utterly inept!
When David Donavan tried to get into the Canberra press gallery, they blocked him on the pretence of him being ; not a “journalist”, but an opinion commentator….THAT was just a smart-arse comment…from a bunch of half-arsed bums!
Quite a bit of cross-fertilization with Andrew E. I wonder what he drinks at a pub …
Ducky,
Beer – if I remember correctly.
Nice person.
Yes, GD. I am outraged…perhaps beyond what is good for one to be so outraged…I posted this piece not long after the election when we started to see the damage this pusillanimous govt’ was trying to inflict upon us…I reprint it now with the permission and the patience of The Pub moderators.
The Meaning of Treason…
In the closing days of the second world war, the name “Lord Haw Haw” was synonymous with the cry of traitor ! Because a traitor in those days was seen as a clear-cut thing…in fact, as quoted from Rebecca West ; “The Meaning of Treason”, Penguin 1965 : “…by broadcasting between ‘… the eighteenth day of September 1939 and on other divers days thereafter, and between that day and the second day of July 1940, being then to wit, on the said several days, a person owing allegence to our Lord the King…’ It was in fact the case for the prosecution that a person obtaining a passport placed himself thereby under the protection of the crown and owed it allegence until the passport expired.”…a clear case of loyalty to the crown..ie. ; His Majesty ;The King.
These days, the allegence of loyalty is somewhat more beige. Today’s democracies lean more toward public perception and cultural dominance for a definition of loyalty. But it must be admitted that to work hand in hand in a brazen manner to both bring-down the democratically elected govt’ of the day AND then to work to get elected a “favourite” of the vested interests, by obfuscation, stealth and deliberate slander, that would have intent to demolish national infrastructure and work against the social equality of the peoples of the nation….well, THAT has to have some definition of treason.
For in my mind there is no doubt that we, as a nation, have been betrayed. Those many “national interest” policies..: The NBN. Gonski, NDIS, ETS (scheme), Environmental Protection and National Parks that ARE in the national interest and coupled with a NOW recognised “Non emergency with the budget” are at risk and indeed in some cases WILL be dismantled for no other reason than to satisfy vested or financial interests….not soley out of a twisted ideology, but certainly out of sheer insatiable greed.
This is the act of treason against the nations interest. To destroy national infrastructure and public policy that benefits a majority of citizens and gives financial reward to a extreme minority of capital invested players….in short…Judas gets his thirty pieces of silver. THAT was HIS treason..in every sense of the word and meaning. the fact that those modern major players are set to gain many billions of dollars through an act of vandalism against the nation..THAT is THEIR treason…in every sense of the word.
But the govt’ was voted in by over half the population we hear?…that is correct…but we are also aware, and NO lame explanations can deny it, that a vast percentage of that section of the voting public are neither politically astute nor very interested in political outcomes other than a strange “payback” for Main-Stream-Media trumped-up delusions of injury…and then there are those who would sell their own mother into slavery for a couple of quid. Whatever it was that swayed the voters, it certainly was assisted by sometimes outright lies and slanderous accusations against the sitting govt’ in the MSM.
It is the political players in collusion with big media and big business that has done the most damage…Particularly the Main-Stream Media. We know their names, we have railed against them here and elsewhere on their perfidious behaviour..and they continue to obfuscate and manipulate….out of either self-interest, financial gain or a perceived political future too obscure for us mere mortals to comprehend….but must involve a good deal of crawling!..and only now are we reading of the vast number and scope of the rorts carried on by the then opposition ; now govt’..why was this common information withheld when several members of parliament and even the speaker of the house goaded to resign and were villified for lesser amounts? There can only be one real reason.
This govt’ was voted in on a base of fraud and deception manipulated upon the people by the mainstream media and it’s employees. there is no contesting this fact. their so-called policies were unexamined, uncontested and unopposed by that very estate that sanctimoniously holds itself up as the forth estate of democracy…indeed, it continues right to this day to set the agenda for govt’ policy…even with this recent trip to Indonesia and Asia by the PM., we read that it was a roaring success!…not because of what was achieved ( there was more given away! ), but because we were told so by the forth estate media!…..the lie is maintained, the circle is complete!
I have an interesting book titled : “The Meaning of Treason” by Rebecca West. written after the 2nd.ww. up to 1963. she makes some very interesting observations . I will quote a couple of passages for interest on how the modern media has played it’s part in the dissemination of propaganda.
“Never before have people known the voice of one they had never seen as well as if he had been a husband or brother or a close friend ; and had they forseen such a miracle they could not have imagined that this familiar unknown would speak to them only to prophesy their death and ruin.”…..She speaks of William Joyce (Lord Haw Haw). she continues…”…He was not only alarming, he was ugly. He opened a vista into a mean life. He always spoke as if he were better fed, and better clothed than we were…”
The above portrayal is an example of the malicious persuasion that manipulates a people…a people hungry for simplicity of policy, for entertainment, contentment and insulation from the harsh realities of the world on their doorstep….it is the propaganda style of those who have in many cases helped cause those very distasters that bring trouble to our doorstep, or are trying to stop progams that could aleviate and soften such events in the future . Such people give voice to a meaness of spirit and ugliness of heart and opens the door to cruel intent….THAT is a betrayal of the trust given to the Main Stream Media, a trust that was bestowed upon those called to shine a light on duplicitous behaviour that can ruin a society, NOT to collude with reckless abandon in that very behaviour..
I give the last words on such a tawdry subject to Ariel Gonzales on Rebecca West’s book ; ” The Meaning of Treason reminds us that sometimes the worst betrayal is the trading of values for the illusion of safety.”
THAT is the meaning of treason!
BTW, Fiona, thanks for being my “T”-lady yesterday. 😀
Has anyone seen Orange Fox since about 3pm?
Moi is getting slightly concerned.
Pourquoi?
Parce que.
Fiona – possibly out laying a few false scent trails .. just in case.
Little Black Duck,
That Gangnam Style video is great. Might even make me emigrate to Korea (south).
The Utube video is the only one to have reached 2 billion veiws and only two videos have reached more than 1 billion views!
Have a read of this interesting short article about this acheivement and the money he’s making out of it.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/hughmcintyre/2014/06/16/at-2-billion-views-gangnam-style-has-made-psy-a-very-rich-man/
Pfft! Mesma gets us to pay for her to go shopping there!
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/geoff-shaw-wanted-to-get-married-in-europe-on-taxpayer-paid-trip-mp-says
orangefox,
Many “celebrities” make money because lots think they have talent.
I don’t think Psy is any different. I find Gangnam Style engaging. It takes the piss and is many times better produced than some the video clips we are exposed to.
Speaking of well-produced
And, somehow, this flicked up
As Boney M said: “Ahh, those Russians …”
Showing my age
and forty years ago
Tlbd
It partially explains why Vlad wants to kill most of them and enslave the rest.
May as well be hung for a sheep …
Ducky,
Given you’ve shown your age, I’ll show mine.
Oh, those Turks!
CTar1,
That Russian lady has a nice smile, don’t you think?
Fiona,
I was stocking up on fire extinguishers. Haven’t gone up in smoke yet but thanks for your faux concern.
Your suggestion of burning fur did get me thinking of a new invention.
The heated razor.
I am sure that this would be sellable to Gillette or Schick fo a couple of $mil.
Perhaps Smok’n Joe can be the first to take a hair cut.
Eartha Kitt had the sexiest voice ever, para mi!
Orange Fox,
Moi’s concern was fur real.
Glad you’re okay, though.
To extend your invention, whaddabout a heated razor/toilet seat combo? I think that could be very attractive to the likes of Stogie.
Tlbd
Got no idea. I was checking out other bits of the performance.
orangefox,
We don’t do “faux” here, apart from a bit of story telling, boasting …
We all remember, too vividly, the concerns for CW (Helen) and Judy Barnes when we were all on PB.
He’d get the Regulations changed to make the invention GST ‘Free’ or ‘Exempt’ (Two different things I was told. I could never understand the difference).
orangefox,
I do the heated (safety) razor by dipping it in water of the appropriate temperature.
CTar,
“Exempt” is most likely free of imposts of all kinds – y’know, (stamp) duties, tolls, imposts, levies, excises, taxes …
“Free” most likely includes all that, plus not being subject to intellectual property claims.
Just a guess – what would I know?
I would have thought that combo of heated seat and razor would be more for the gentler sex.
Fiona,
About those zeros next year …