If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …
(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)
As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.
Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.
In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.
A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.
Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.
Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”
THE PUB 
This is something I would never ever even want to do, but you can see why some would.
The Australian guy who died yesterday was trying a jump at Brevent. It’s the one in the film where they fly about three feet above the glacier trail..
Video is well worth watching, but the end credits are a bit of a downer.
Bushfire Bill,
Thank you for the heads up: I won’t watch.
Darling Daughter’s tale of her extreme waterslide (and the rest) adventure in Dubai has already taken years off my life.
You’d be dead, buried and cremated then if you watched this. I nearly bit my lip with fright a couple of times, just watching it.
That chap in the still would be flying at over 200kph.
Interestingly, the first person who ever tried Wingsuiting, back in 1912 jumped off the Eiffel Tower.
He landed head-first “opening up a measurable hole in the ground”.
The interesting bit is that he was already dead when he bit the dust… heart attack on the way down… died of fright presumably.
BB – I can totally understand the allure of wanting to fly. Falling in a wing-suit, not so much…
When I was a kid I was certain that by the time I became an adult there would be an invention that would allow me to fly, but absolutely NOT like that effort. I nearly wet my pants just looking at the video.
I thought it would be something like a jet pack which would allow me to skim over the ground at a fairly sedate speed, a little faster than a walk.
It’s one of the great disappointments of my life that my dream never came true for me.
Glide ratios (horizontal distance flown : vertical distance fallen) according to Wikipedia.
Wing-suit: 2.5:1 or more (citation needed.)
747-200: 15:1
“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
We need a AWB RC. For that I would order a container load of popcorn.
http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/disturbed-by-ian-botham-let-these-pictures-soothe-you–ey8s0BImQx
😆
Good morning Dawn Patrollers.
These are the types that Cormann’s FoFA legislation supports.
http://www.smh.com.au/business/cba-rewards-bosses-of-scandalridden-financial-planning-division-20140818-105buz.html
Peter Martin says that Hockey has apologised for being insensitive but needs to apologise for not having a grasp of his own budget.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/joe-hockey-wobbly-on-budget-details-but-apologises-for-insensitivity-20140818-1058yw.html
Greg Jericho as usual backs up his assertions with good graphical data to say that Hocky is simply not up to his job.
http://www.theguardian.com/business/grogonomics/2014/aug/18/joe-hockeys-fuel-gaffe-may-see-him-excised-from-big-policy-debates
And Stephen Koukoulas continues on the same theme.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/aug/18/clueless-coalition-floundering-while-budget-bottom-line-worsens
Why Treasurers should go back to economics school.
https://theconversation.com/why-treasurers-should-go-back-to-economics-school-29851
David Donovan – The Abbott Gaffernment. Well worth reading.
http://www.independentaustralia.net/politics/politics-display/the-abbott-gaffernment,6786
Bob Ellis on the impending IPAC woes for Joe Hockey.
http://www.ellistabletalk.com/2014/08/18/the-last-days-of-joe-hockey-4/
Michelle Grattan – Palmer knows how to mess with Abbott’s mind.
https://theconversation.com/a-climate-change-convention-clive-palmer-really-knows-how-to-mess-with-abbotts-mind-30629
Why unions are necessary.
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/labourhire-firm-refunds-workers-paid-chickenfeed-20140818-3dwqi.html
Abbott blames “confusion” for the Libs’ ICAC woes. How confused must one be to think that handing out cash in brown paper bags and rinsing the money through strange financial constructs is OK?
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/tony-abbott-blames-confusion-over-developer-donation-ban-for-libs-icac-woes-20140818-105d3h.html
Section 2 . . .
Some people think Abbott’s populist knee-jerk on terrorism might just have the opposite effect to that desired.
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/tony-abbott-blames-confusion-over-developer-donation-ban-for-libs-icac-woes-20140818-105d3h.html
The three worst things the Liberals did yesterday.
http://www.ellistabletalk.com/2014/08/18/the-three-worst-things-the-liberals-did-yesterday-32/
The Greens take the revenue collapse to the negotiating table on the budget.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/greens-sound-out-alp-crossbenchers-about-ending-budget-impasse-20140818-3dwpz.html
Peter Wicks – The strange world of Kathy Jackson supporters.
http://wixxyleaks.com/strange-times-the-bizarre-world-of-kathy-jackson-supporters/
Yesterday at the Royal Commission into child sexual abuse – not a good look for the “Melbourne Response”.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/18/church-response-to-melbourne-victims-of-child-sexual-abuse-a-betrayal
Here’s David Marr’s take on proceedings.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/18/when-the-abused-come-to-the-witness-box-they-dont-swear-on-the-bible
Nice work Abbott and friends!
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/solar-farm-abandoned-amid-uncertainty-over-renewable-energy-target-20140818-105en6.html
How a cut to the RET will affect the budget and other things.
https://theconversation.com/renewable-energy-target-cut-would-hit-budget-modelling-30598
Hugh White schools Abbott on foreign policy.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/tony-abbotts-swings-and-roundabouts-foreign-policy-20140818-1059nf.html
Is Hockey’s budget beyond salvation?
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/joe-hockeys-budget-is-beyond-salvation-20140818-105d23.html
Ron Tandberg has Abbott berating a hapless Hockey.
MUST SEE! Alan Moir with a rather bellicose Popeye Abbott introducing “Operation Get ’em Out”.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/alan-moir-20090907-fdxk.html
Lovely work from David Pope – National Insecurity.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/david-pope-20120214-1t3j0.html
David Rowe – Hotel Australia Budget Accommodation.
http://www.afr.com/p/national/cartoon_gallery_david_rowe_1g8WHy9urgOIQrWQ0IrkdO
When we finally get rid of this filth that calls itself a “govt'”, there has to be discussion as to how to bring to justice those traitorous MSM. Murdoch journos’, those incompetent Murdoch politicians, those damaging climate deniers that have capitalised on and made a mockery of our national institutions…we have to bring these people to face some sort of justice or it makes a mockery of our democracy.
Such robber barons like Murdoch and the “gang of four mining barons” and their creatures, their “orcs” who have cost the citizens of this country many, many billions of dollars in royalties and taxes, not to mention international repute and bringing disgrace on the name and the flag of this nation.
There must be some discussion on how to bring these scum to justice.
” When I was a kid I was certain that by the time I became an adult there would be an invention that would allow me to fly, but absolutely NOT like that effort…It’s one of the great disappointments of my life that my dream never came true for me.”
Good news, Kambah!!…it’s called an “air-e-o-plane” !!
Onya, Swanny!!….give ’em guts!”
HoJo just declared that consumer confidence is back to pre-budget levels so all is well. He still cannot see that his budget is a dog with parvo.
HoJo is speaking weasel words. Consumer confidence might have improved but it is not yet back to pre-budget levels. What is more, the pre-budget level was woeful. Consumer confidence dropped after the election of the Abbott government, kept falling and almost went through the floor when Hockey brought down his budget. It is slowly improving, That’s the best that can be said – a slow improvement.
There’s a nifty graph here that explains it all very clearly. What a shame HoJo has not seen it.
http://www.tradingeconomics.com/australia/consumer-confidence
Anyway – it all depends on whose figures you use. The ANZ-Roy Morgan consumer confidence index has been telling a very different, much gloomier story. New figures should be out today. Will they shoot HoJo down?
http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-business/consumer-confidence-slides-again-20140812-3dk2n.html
foreverjanice
Oh goody. Back to the depressing levels it was in March.
HoJo drags out the ‘it was misreported’ excuse. How stupid does he think we are?
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/joe-hockey-blames-misreporting-for-furore-over-poor-people-and-driving-comments-20140819-3dx9v.html#ixzz3An4ACfKP
I wonder how many times Julia Gillard could have said, and with reason, that she had been “misreported”. I don’t think she ever used that excuse even though she’d have been justified.
Tony wright has a piece in the Brisbane Times and presumably other Papers on Who an what is Team Australia? Ties in with my query yesterday:)
Abbott is deliberatly starving the child abuse royal commission of funds in an attempt to shut it down.
We heard about this months ago, the government has not responded to the request for more funds.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/in-depth/child-abuse-inquiry-door-may-close-on-victims/story-fngburq5-1227028705075?nk=a616b3c2a27c1a09987e7351650d13c2
‘Team Australia’ – what childish rubbish. There’s a strong echo of George W Bush’s ‘with us or against us’ line in Abbott’s latest brainfart.
The link to the Tony Wright piece. Abbott’s comments about flags are ludicrous.Another example of his ‘open the mouth and let the garbage flow’, ‘forget to engage brain before speaking’ style.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/team-australia-under-one-flag-but-whos-in-the-side-20140818-3dwqv.html
I’ve never been a team player. If Abbott wants to be the captain of Team Australia then I’m not interested in belonging. Can I opt out or will doing so get me a long holiday on Manus Island?
If there were a hell, I would hope Our Dear Leader burns in it for all eternity.
Catalyst
I haven’t read it but a lot of his stuff is very ‘read between the lines’ – actually saying the opposite to what a casual reader will get.
This Wheat article was written as a bedtime story for kids, right?
I’m an adult and it scared the sh** out of me!
However it has whet my appatite for further installments. Pun intended.
Regards to consumer confidence the government is shit scared that their doom and gloom preaching might actually come to pass, hense now talking up tge economy.
However, retail is under big pressure from not only buyers reduced interest in having the latest but also the shift to online buying from cheaper sources. With exports falling jobs disappearing I don’t think they will be able to stop the consequences this time.
I predict a recession early next year after the Christmas retail trading period.
AWB isn’t a subject either of the major parties want raked over. It’s not only ‘Alex of Cyprus’ that would get ‘done over’. There’d be a long string of previous foreign and trade ministers named.
CTar,
Too right!
Nevertheless, The Scion … serves as a useful morality.
Teams, Flags, Dames and Knights.
Gigilene,
We will have to start practising our curtseys
Just watched last night’s Four Corners. It ties in well with this –
Princeton Study: U.S. No Longer An Actual Democracy
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/princeton-experts-say-us-no-longer-democracy
The same applies here. This government runs things for the benefit of mining companies, especially coal miners, and Rupert Murdoch. In NSW Packer and anyone in to CSG seemto be pulling all the strings. The only question asked is ‘how far oer would you like me to bend?’
Labor can’t say much, in government they were much the same.
A cynic would say Scrotty is trying to influence the inquiry into children in detention. Too little, too late, political point scoring, nothing more.
Scott Morrison announces release of 150 children before facing detention inquiry
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/19/scott-morrison-announces-release-of-150-children-before-facing-detention-inquiry?CMP=soc_567
fiona
Too pretty for Abbott.
leone
He released the 153 AS from their jail ship BEFORE the Court’s decision. Always waits till the last minute, just before getting caught. Rascal!
Can we crowd-fund the Royal Commission?
M. Morriscum est un scélérat.
puffy
I had that thought too.
Clive Palmer confused his own business interests and a certain on-going court case with his politcal responsibilities last night when he hurled accusations at the Chinese government. Poor little Jacqui Lambie came out in support of her leader but was made to look foolish when Palmer backpedalledand said his concerns were only about ‘a Chinese company which is taking Australian resources & not paying’. Palmers’s resources, actually.
It’s all a real circus. Even Mesma has stuck her oar into the discussion.
http://www.news.com.au/national/clive-palmer-goes-on-rant-against-china-on-qa-claims-china-govt-are-mongrels-who-kill-their-own-people-and-want-to-take-over-australia/story-fncynjr2-1227028723134
fiona
Un mot qui lui va comme un gant. Surtout les trois dernières lettres.
Gigilene,
😆
I watched Palmer last night and I knew he meant the Chinese govt/business. But it was very poorly done, and highly offensive. He needs to apologise immediately.
I wish commentators and bloggers and journalists would stop using the word ‘gaffe’ when talking about the failings of this government. To me a ‘gaffe’ is an embarrassing mistake, a tactless remark, a mistake or a misjudgement, something most likely unintentional. There might be excuses for gaffes, whover made them might be sorry for saying something embarrassing or foolish.
The things the members of the Abbot government say are not ‘gaffes’. They are making deliberate statements on what they believe. Eric Abetz said abortions cause breast cancer because he believes that, right to the bottom of his narrow fundamentalist Christian soul. It was no unintentional mistake. Hockey says the poor don’t drive because he believes that. Even worse, he thinks it’s OK to have a group of Australians he can label ‘the poor’. Abbott has delusions about his ability as a world leader. If he makes a stupid remark about Scottish indepoendence or offends the Russians it’s because he believes what he is saying and believes he is saying something important.
None of these things are gaffes. They are statements of individual beliefs. Could we stop trivialising all this stuff by referring to it all as ‘gaffes’. It is far worse than that.
Apparently a Chinese woman in the audience grimaced …
Palmer is a bit like Lambie, saying things off the top of their heads. And T Jones is really nasty.
puff
Palmer should ask Joe Hockey for advice on how to do it well.
Palmer is yet to learn the discipline of politics. You cannot say anything you like, without considering the effect on others. In his real life he can say and do anything he likes. He can think what he likes. As a politician he cannot.
He has a steep learning curve.
Additionally he may well be racist towards Chinese. But that was not what he meant on QandA, imo.
BK
Or Abbott. Just nod and run!
leone
It suits the media to call them “gaffes” when referring to the Libs. As you rightly say, we know what they are. Once more the media is to blame. As much as Abbott. Oh what an easy run he’s having!
Somebody suggested that Abbott is angling for a British honour.
Suggestion ‘Anthony, Lord Pig-Iron, Lord Warden of the Cinque Ports’ seem appropriate
[Gigilene,
:lol:]
Google Translate is very sleek these days. Nothing like it originally was. Back then even my French was infinitely better.
gigilene
The MSM, still pushing the ‘it’s just Tony being Tony’ excuse.