The Pub is proud to present Madame Leone’s cautionary tale for our contemplation.
(Image Credit: Perth Now))
The Pillars of the Liberal Party
Chapter One: The Making of a Liberal Politician
(OK, I stole that from Battlelines, but no-one has ever read that so no-one will notice)
Not so very long ago in a city in the south a baby boy was born to well-to-do, well-educated parents. They named their treasure ‘Joshua’ and a grand celebration was held. Two fairy godfathers attended – Uncle Peter and Uncle Alex. They bestowed great and valuable gifts on the infant. He would receive a lavish education, the gaining of which would take him overseas, then he would, of course, become a Young Liberal and one day, if the spell lasted, he would be Prime Minister. Uncle Alex added a bonus spell, Joshua would always have a beautiful head of thick hair and would also appreciate elegant footwear and fishnet stockings. The baby’s parents were overjoyed with these gifts, although they had their reservations about the fishnet stockings.
Young Joshua grew and flourished, becoming a somewhat chubby young man with, of course, a lovely head of hair. He had been sent to the best schools his faith had to offer. He went on to study law at Monash (although his mother secretly longed for him to study medicine), then, as his fairy godfathers had promised, headed off to Oxford and then Harvard. And, of course, he joined the local branch of the Young Liberals, also as promised. Whenever his travels allowed he handed out how to vote leaflets at elections and engaged in occasional Black Ops forays into the less salubrious, Labor-voting parts of the city. In every way Josh was the perfect young Liberal blue-blood.
(Image Credits: Wallace Wong and Steve Dunwell))
But sadly, all that study did not take and it became evident he would never be a lawyer’s bootstrap. One day his worried Papa took him aside for a man-to-man chat.
“Oh Papa,” said Josh, “I already know all that stuff, I went to Oxford, you know.”
“No, son, that’s not the purpose of this talk,” said his no longer very proud Papa. “I have come to a decision. It’s time you found a job.”
“Me! Work?” said a startled Josh. “But Papa, what about my doctorate and what about my professorship, and what about the next young Liberal BBQ and what about……”
“Enough!” roared Papa. “I’ve spent several fortunes already on your education and you are still as dumb as a box of rocks. And not even the smart rocks either, just the very dumb ones. I have decided. You will become a political advisor – no-one will notice your stupidity among that lot. Uncle Alex and Uncle Peter have already found you a position. You will be working for Darryl Williams.”
“Awwwwwww, Papa, noooooooo!” wailed young Josh.
“There will be no moaning, my boy. Go and pack your bags. you are leaving for Canberra tomorrow. Uncle Alex says he might take you under his wing himself if you do well with Williams, so work hard and keep out of trouble.”
(Image Credit: Project Gutenberg))
And so it came to pass. Young Josh took his first unwilling steps towards his eventual glorious future.
Alas, not all the spells cast by his fairy godfathers worked. Much to Uncle Alex’s dismay Josh began to lose his hair, slowly at first, then more and more, until his hairline looked as though mice had been nibbling it as he slept. And he never did develop a fondness for leopard-skin stilettos or fishnet stockings. Which is probably a good thing.
(Image Credit: The Advertiser))
Next chapter – A True Liberal Princess.
THE PUB 
I was watching the Giro, as you may have unearthed.
Kambah Mick, you might feel a bit inadequate, but blimey mate, you are so far ahead of the rest of the mob that are doing nothing, that catching up with you and what you are doing would be something that is far and away too much for them to do!
zo waz I
What a finish! Go the Aussies!
The other teams lost the plot after the two crashes. BMC and Matthews were on the job.
scorps
Seconded, wholeheartedly. I admire you Kambah Mick
Matthews is about 12 years younger than Evans. I reckon he might win one of the majors in about ten years’ time.
I apologize for swearing.
I was at a Carers function tonight and the guy who drive us home was works for Anglicare. I was the last drop off and we got talking about the budget and Abbott and it was loathing from door to door. Also earlier in the day when I went to Priceline for some make-up (no fancy stuff from Myers or David Jones for me) the checkout lady who was probably in her forties or late thirties, asked if i had my customer card. I looked and said no, I pulled out my ALP card and said I have this, I joined recently and after this budget I am glad I did. She said that the parties are all the same (code for “I voted Liberal”). I said no they are not, not at all. She said all parties are the same,
I retorted, “Only one of them is charging $7 to see a doctor.” That shut her up. After I paid and she gave me my goods I said that it was the most horrendous budget I have ever seen in all my days.
So finally we have the sharp comeback to the dunderheads who say both parties are the same. One defends Medicare, the other taxes your doctors visits.
Duckie,
Using the JH expletive! go wash your beak out,
Nice one, puffy!
There is some hope that the Great Unwashed will take a bath.
puffy,
I shall ablute myself.
This little black duck ,
I’m sorry, I didn’t notice. Did you? 😉
I was at a quiz night tonight. I had no idea who sang what song, who was whom on Desperate Housewives, who sing Eagle Rock, what three grapes are used to make champagne, what colour eyes some actor has, what year Princess whatsherface was born, who coaches the Crows and Port Power, I did know the colour of the Olympic Rings, the colours on the Rubiks Cube, what two valleys in SA are major wine producers, what four parties won seats in the latest WA Senate election and who got the bottle of wine that ended his political career in NSW, I also worked out the word puzzle.
What in the name of Bill Shorten are you good people doing here?
Puffy. I’m older than you and I gave been keeping a close watch on Budgets every year!
That’s somewhere around 50 years of them. This one is by far the worst Budget I have ever seen. I can’t imagine what the Liberal Party mob were on when they wrote it!
PuffyTD ,
This one?
Song sung blue, everybody knows one.
Song sung blue, every garden grows one.
Me and you are subject to, the blues now and then,
But when you take the blues and make a song,
You sing them out again, sing them out again.
I’ll sing it for you next time we meet!
Good night all! I gotta get up early to attend a funeral of a wonderful gentleman. His main legacy besides leaving an extensive, loving family is that no matter what he was was troubled with with his own personal health problems, (and he had more than anybody should have to bear) he was always there to help others that were better off than he was.
If Tony Abbott was half the man that Laurie was, then the Pope would make him a saint for sure! In fact, Abbott is not worthy of even walking in the dust that Laurie leaves behind!
Good night all! Catch you all sometime in the morrow!
I presume young unemployed people are meant to have a crack at this:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inedia
Watching a replay of Shorten’s reply. I’ve never been a big fan, but I’m starting to warn to him.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers.
Shorten throws Abbott’s plans into chaos says Mark Kenny.
http://www.smh.com.au/business/federal-budget/budget-2014-reply-bill-shorten-says-labor-will-block-key-abbott-government-budget-reforms-20140515-zre84.html
And Kenny sees Abbott’s punch first strategy as now troublesome.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/tony-abbott-rains-down-blows-in-budget-blitz-20140515-zrd72.html
Lenore Taylor sums up Shorten’s speech as well as Milne’s
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/may/15/bill-shorten-oppose-fuel-tax-rise-gp-co-payments-cuts-to-pensions
Some questions over childcare rebates.
http://www.smh.com.au/business/federal-budget/childcare-subsidy-cuts-to-hit-middle-and-low-income-families-warns-early-childhood-20140515-38cwd.html
If Tinkler thinks he can go the knuckle with Watson he’s in for a surprise!
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/character-assassination-nathan-tinkler-takes-a-dim-view-of-icac-20140515-zre52.html
Some disclosure problems for Napthine.
http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/napthine-failed-to-reveal-stake-in-numerous-horses-20140515-38cyc.html
All class is our Christopher Pyne. One thing is for sure – he didn’t say “grub.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/grub-christopher-pyne-denies-dropping-cbomb-in-parliament-20140515-zrdm4.html
Wow!
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/may/15/melbourne-cbd-set-to-be-smoke-free-within-two-years
Weasel words from Dutton in defence of the GP co-payment.
http://www.smh.com.au/business/federal-budget/health-minister-peter-dutton-says-medicare-fees-will-improve-health-outcomes-20140515-zre6k.html
A good piss take from Jaqui Maley.
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/middyeconomics-you-cant-have-your-ale-and-visit-too-20140515-zre1s.html
Section 2 . . .
This really raises my ire.
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/may/14/budget-it-will-be-chaplains-not-secular-social-workers-at-schools
Looks like Rolf Harris is toast!
http://www.theage.com.au/world/rolf-harris-groped-me-as-a-child-woman-tells-court-20140515-zreat.html
Richard Ackland says Brandis has got his priorities all wrong.
http://www.smh.com.au/comment/defamation-should-be-law-reform-focus-not-racial-discrimination-20140515-zrdz3.html
I just HAD to put this one in!
http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/crows-feast-on-lukewarm-pies-20140515-38d74.html
A nice little cartoon from Andrew Dyson.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/opinion/andrew-dyson/20090819-epqv.html
Great work from Alan Moir.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/alan-moir-20090907-fdxk.html
David Pope nails it yet again!
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/david-pope-20120214-1t3j0.html
Ron Tandberg shares the pain.
http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/ron-tandberg-20090910-fixc.html
David Rowe on binge politics.
http://www.afr.com/p/national/cartoon_gallery_david_rowe_1g8WHy9urgOIQrWQ0IrkdO
And from the Land of the Free –
Abbott has a soul mate in Marco Rubio.
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/2014/05/15/snark-attack-marco-rubio-is-onto-thousands-of-climate-scientists-schemes/
How disgraceful is this?
The class of gun-carrying Texans comes to the fore.
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/2014/05/15/manly-men-open-carry-texas-targeting-women-results-threats-attacks-motherfucking-whore/
Yet another ridiculous Repug candidate.
http://crooksandliars.com/2014/05/tea-party-candidate-adds-right-take-arms
Just have a look at this Republican Idaho gubernatorial candidate debate! No. it’s not Saturday Night Live!
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/05/15/1299614/-Idaho-Republican-gubernatorial-debate-was-a-thing-of-beauty
Thought this might make you smile – it’s Friday, after all! The original had pics but you can use your imagination.
God save Aus…………….
Tony Abbott asks the Queen, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government?
Are there any tips you can give me?”
“Well,” said the Queen,
“The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Abbott then asked,
“But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen took a sip of champagne.
“Oh, that’s easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch”
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
“Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?”
Prince Charles walked into the room and said,
“Yes, Mummy?”
The Queen smiled and said,
“Answer me this please Charlie.
Your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered
“That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good.” said the Queen.
Tony Abbott went back home to Australia by Qantas
He decided to ask Joe Hockey the same question.
“Joe, answer this for me.”
“Your mother and your father have a child.
It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister.
Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” said Hockey.
“Let me get back to you on that one.”
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Frustrated, Hockey went to the toilet, and found Clive Palmer there.
Joe Hockey went up to him and asked,
“Hey Clive, see if you can answer this question.”
“Shoot Joe.”
Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?”
Clive Palmer answered,
“That’s easy, it’s me!”
Joe Hockey grinned, and said,
“Good answer Clive, I see it all now!”
Joe Hockey then, went back to find Tony Abbott.
“Tony, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle.”
“It’s Clive Palmer”
Tony Abbott got up, stomped over to Joe Hockey, and angrily yelled into his face,
“No! You bloody idiot! It’s Prince Charles!”
. . . AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS PRECISELY WHAT’S GOING ON IN PARLIAMENT HOUSE!
_____________________________________________________________________
Shorten did brilliantly well last night and Abbott and Co did not like his speech one little bit. Pyne and Mesma were reuced to the ‘little kid in trouble’ tactic – smirking. The rest of them just looked glum.
The Liberals are pushing the ‘Labor have no policies’ line for all they are worth. We are going to hear that until our ears bleed. It was a budget reply, not a campaign launch. Polices were not the point.
Meanwhile Grahame Morris makes sure we all know just who Abbott’s budget was for.
shadylady1
Excellent! Exactly what is going on. We have idiots and buffoons running the place.
From BK’s links –
Dutton is actually saying only those who can afford to pay will want to go to the doctor. Appointments will be easier to get because sick people will stay away. I wonder what he thinks the ‘health outcome’ for those who can’t afford an appointment will be? Death?
Yesterday Truss tried to justify Hockey’s pension changes by insulting pensioners, Today Dutton tries to justify his GP tax by insulting doctors. Who will be next? Teachers, maybe, Pyne has to try to jusify his education cuts. Public school teachers will more than likely be blamed.
I’ve read that the Rodent is not happy with parts of the budget. It must be crook. Not from a society point of view but politically. Rodent couldn’t give a shit about people only winning elections.
I think he’s basically said to Tone that he’s dug himself a huge political hole.
Leone, I noticed that towards the end of Shorten’s reply, Hockey had a look of “Oh shit, these guys aren’t going to just curl up and die” on his face.
Sent that vid of Pyne directing the old hag to 7.30 ABC. at least they cannot deny getting notice of it!…we will see what the cowards do with it…..It should be played over prime-time news.
Hopefully Bill’s speech is a signal that the Labor Party is finding some steel. Check out this comment by someone called Mr Chatty.
Oh FFS. This is either the joke of the century or an absolute disaster waiting to happen.
dedalus
I like Mr Chatty’s comments so very much. I hope it really is ‘full steam, ahead and damn the torpedoes’.
Labor has nothing to lose this time, they don’t need to pussy foot around to hang on to votes, they don’t have to placate a handful of independents and, of course, there is no Kevin Rudd. Labor can go for broke and I hope they throw everything they have and then some at Abbott.
Told youse – no-one will be paying that debt levy. The rest of us, though, have no way to wriggle out of our tax slugs.
Loophole makes it ‘easy’ to avoid the debt levy
http://www.smh.com.au/business/federal-budget/loophole-makes-it-easy-to-avoid-the-debt-levy-20140516-38dgl.html
HoJo’s analogy about the cost of Medicare co-payment and middies and cigarettes is offensive – the dog whistling is so obvious! What – upper middle class don’t drink beer or smoke? What about his stogie?
Emboldened by Shorten’s stirring Budget Reply speech I responded to some dick on my childhood girlfriends facebook page. My friend posted that she was going to the March to protest the budget/govt and invited others to go with her.
Enter a Lib wanker who decided to put her down and set off sprouting LNP ‘debt and deficit’ talking points, age of entitlement rubbish, huge interest repayments in dollar terms.
Well, I couldn’t sit there and take that rubbish, so using the Stephen Koukoulous’s data comparison, RBA data, IMF quotes, I systematically tore him down with nothing but numbers. In the end I had him chasing his tail and finally he attacked me for being an ALP voter.
This morning I had a message from my girlfriend saying. “Sorry about that, name deleted all of his comments. I was having fun reading all this. I think he got scared trying to stand up to you. We know you and you know your stuff. You go girl. Miss your guts.”
I think over the past three years of BS, though we knew much of it was out and out lies, in the absence of actions that they could see as being owned strictly by the LNP, voters could just be emotive about their electoral decisions.
But now people, with LNP actions writ large and directly affecting many, it is time to get back out there and tell them all over again. I think now people might finally take notice.
“Each one, teach one.”
Labor now should come back with milk, bread, electricity, etc to counter the middies and ciggies analogy of Hockey.
L2, we don’t elect PMs. Nice opportunism from Clive
Excellent speech from Shorten last night.
There’s a couple of things I’m not sure about though with this situation. Has Labor confirmed that it will actually vote against the budget in its current form? And have the Greens also done the same?
And also, if it does, what would happen then? Will there be a government shutdown like in the USA after June 30? Would a double dissolution election even be able to be called right there even if there has only been one block in the senate? And would the budget simply be able to be delayed until July 1 when the new senators are sitting? (although Palmer sounds like he’d get his senators to block the budget too).
This is the principle of “ownership” that is the guiding light for the Roskam, Wilson, Berg IPA, the LNP. Rinehart and Murdochians….this, from art, is the “reality of entitlement”…(warning..: the art is heart-wrenching!)
The cruelty of conscience that will wantonly destroy the civil and social structures of the nation for little or no gain but to simply make a foolish idealogical point gives rise to a passage from the great Russian novelist ; Dostoyevsky..in Crime and Punishment, where a peasant, acompanied by his drunken lout friends flogs and beats a poor horse to death for little reason than it did not perform to an impossible task of pulling an overladen cart, but “Mikolka” the peasant claimed the right to kill the beast for no other reason than it was “…my property..my property!”
The Peasant kills the horse….:
“Don’t meddle! It’s my property, I’ll do what I choose. Get in, more of you! Get in, all of you! I will have her go at a gallop!…”
All at once laughter broke into a roar and covered everything: the mare, roused by the shower of blows, began feebly kicking. Even the old man could not help smiling. To think of a wretched little beast like that trying to kick!
Two lads in the crowd snatched up whips and ran to the mare to beat her about the ribs. One ran each side.
“Hit her in the face, in the eyes, in the eyes,” cried Mikolka.
“Give us a song, mates,” shouted someone in the cart and everyone in the cart joined in a riotous song, jingling a tambourine and whistling. The woman went on cracking nuts and laughing.
… He ran beside the mare, ran in front of her, saw her being whipped across the eyes, right in the eyes! He was crying, he felt choking, his tears were streaming. One of the men gave him a cut with the whip across the face, he did not feel it. Wringing his hands and screaming, he rushed up to the grey-headed old man with the grey beard, who was shaking his head in disapproval. One woman seized him by the hand and would have taken him away, but he tore himself from her and ran back to the mare. She was almost at the last gasp, but began kicking once more.
“I’ll teach you to kick,” Mikolka shouted ferociously. He threw down the whip, bent forward and picked up from the bottom of the cart a long, thick shaft, he took hold of one end with both hands and with an effort brandished it over the mare.
“He’ll crush her,” was shouted round him. “He’ll kill her!”
“It’s my property,” shouted Mikolka and brought the shaft down with a swinging blow. There was a sound of a heavy thud.
“Thrash her, thrash her! Why have you stopped?” shouted voices in the crowd.
And Mikolka swung the shaft a second time and it fell a second time on the spine of the luckless mare. She sank back on her haunches, but lurched forward and tugged forward with all her force, tugged first on one side and then on the other, trying to move the cart. But the six whips were attacking her in all directions, and the shaft was raised again and fell upon her a third time, then a fourth, with heavy measured blows. Mikolka was in a fury that he could not kill her at one blow.
“She’s a tough one,” was shouted in the crowd.
“She’ll fall in a minute, mates, there will soon be an end of her,” said an admiring spectator in the crowd.
“Fetch an axe to her! Finish her off,” shouted a third.
“I’ll show you! Stand off,” Mikolka screamed frantically; he threw down the shaft, stooped down in the cart and picked up an iron crowbar. “Look out,” he shouted, and with all his might he dealt a stunning blow at the poor mare. The blow fell; the mare staggered, sank back, tried to pull, but the bar fell again with a swinging blow on her back and she fell on the ground like a log.
“Finish her off,” shouted Mikolka and he leapt beside himself, out of the cart. Several young men, also flushed with drink, seized anything they could come across—whips, sticks, poles, and ran to the dying mare. Mikolka stood on one side and began dealing random blows with the crowbar. The mare stretched out her head, drew a long breath and died.
“You butchered her,” someone shouted in the crowd.
“Why wouldn’t she gallop then?”
“My property!” shouted Mikolka, with bloodshot eyes, brandishing the bar in his hands. He stood as though regretting that he had nothing more to beat.”………………………………
Is this what it will come to?; the end of our society….a metaphor for nothing more than a vainglorious grunt..: “My property…my property…”
Is C Thomson supposed to just “lie down and die”?
http://www.news.com.au/national/disgraced-former-mp-craig-thomson-finds-a-new-job-and-new-trouble-insists-hes-no-lobbyist/story-fncynjr2-1226919409673
What a fucking disgrace ABC24 is.
Turned on to watch their 7am news (wa time) and they did not show even one second of Shortens speech, instead we got at least a minute of Hockey bagging the ALP at some business function followed by at least 30 seconds of Dutton.
Not even one second of the Opp leaders reply to the budget or even a mention of anything he said.
Anyone still want to claim that the ABC is not biased against the ALP?
Also when I saw the article title “PM’s Aide puts the boot in” on The Age, I thought Credlin had finally snapped and started kicking a pensioner or something, but it turns out it was the Turkish PM’s aide.
Jaycee
That excerpt tells a lot. Human behaviour can be quite insane. Though Mikolka is depicted very sympathetically in a strange way – I feel sorry for him. I suspect he actually loved his horse.
Please don’t make the mistake of equating a drunken proletariat in a Russian novel with the worst excesses of these one-percenter bastards and their miserable bum-sucking apologists – “Roskam, Wilson, Berg IPA, the LNP. Rinehart and Murdochians”. They are cold-hearted slime who will never have enough of screwing and exploiting the other 99% of their fellow humans.
Wow – Peta Credlin would take this budget to an election. And Abbott is 100% serious about a DD.
Laura Tingle for the AFR – no paywall on this one.
Don’t dismiss the double dissolution theatrics
http://www.afr.com/p/opinion/don_dismiss_the_double_dissolution_I7PlDmDYRL2CekQDOweBEL
Kirsdarke
Labor will not vote against the entire budget and they will not block supply, but they will vote against some of the budget’s nasties like the fuel excise increase and the GP tax.
There will be a stack of bills associated with the budget, it’s not just one bill. Getting it all up and running will take quite a while. There are already enough bills stuck in the senate which could be knocked back one more time and give Abbott a reason for a DD. Even without any of that, if Labor, the Greens and the incoming indies and PUPS combine to block some of the new budget legislation Abbott will have his DD grounds on that alone.
As I keep saying, it is best if Labor allows Abbott to call an election. I think that is their plan, actually. Goad him into it, challenge him to a fight.
I don’t make the mistake at all…there are those amongst us… James Joyce remarked that the Irish could always rely on their own to betray them…the Romans would always appoint an ex-slave to be the overseer of an Estate farm, because they knew he(it was always a ‘he’) would be the best “slave-driver”….I too “sympathise” with the peasant…hell!!…I am one!…but I am not at all deluded…..there are those amongst us all….
Thanks for that, Leone.
This is all pretty confusing. I’ve been reading things like Pyne attempting to combine all of the measures into the same bill so they’ll either be accepted or rejected in full, but I suppose that can be undone with senate amendments.
This is a surprisingly good article from Mark Kenny: http://www.canberratimes.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/tony-abbott-rains-down-blows-in-budget-blitz-20140515-zrd72.html?
and some of the comments are worth reading too.
leonetwo,
I can’t imagine that it would scare Clive too much. After all the populist things he was saying on his interview round I suspect he even won a few fans!