The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

The Pub is proud to present Madame Leone’s cautionary tale for our contemplation.

(Image Credit: Perth Now))

The Pillars of the Liberal Party

Chapter One: The Making of a Liberal Politician

(OK, I stole that from Battlelines, but no-one has ever read that so no-one will notice)

Not so very long ago in a city in the south a baby boy was born to well-to-do, well-educated parents. They named their treasure ‘Joshua’ and a grand celebration was held. Two fairy godfathers attended – Uncle Peter and Uncle Alex. They bestowed great and valuable gifts on the infant. He would receive a lavish education, the gaining of which would take him overseas, then he would, of course, become a Young Liberal and one day, if the spell lasted, he would be Prime Minister. Uncle Alex added a bonus spell, Joshua would always have a beautiful head of thick hair and would also appreciate elegant footwear and fishnet stockings. The baby’s parents were overjoyed with these gifts, although they had their reservations about the fishnet stockings.

Young Joshua grew and flourished, becoming a somewhat chubby young man with, of course, a lovely head of hair. He had been sent to the best schools his faith had to offer. He went on to study law at Monash (although his mother secretly longed for him to study medicine), then, as his fairy godfathers had promised, headed off to Oxford and then Harvard. And, of course, he joined the local branch of the Young Liberals, also as promised. Whenever his travels allowed he handed out how to vote leaflets at elections and engaged in occasional Black Ops forays into the less salubrious, Labor-voting parts of the city. In every way Josh was the perfect young Liberal blue-blood.

(Image Credits: Wallace Wong and Steve Dunwell))

But sadly, all that study did not take and it became evident he would never be a lawyer’s bootstrap. One day his worried Papa took him aside for a man-to-man chat.

“Oh Papa,” said Josh, “I already know all that stuff, I went to Oxford, you know.”

“No, son, that’s not the purpose of this talk,” said his no longer very proud Papa. “I have come to a decision. It’s time you found a job.”

“Me! Work?” said a startled Josh. “But Papa, what about my doctorate and what about my professorship, and what about the next young Liberal BBQ and what about……”

“Enough!” roared Papa. “I’ve spent several fortunes already on your education and you are still as dumb as a box of rocks. And not even the smart rocks either, just the very dumb ones. I have decided. You will become a political advisor – no-one will notice your stupidity among that lot. Uncle Alex and Uncle Peter have already found you a position. You will be working for Darryl Williams.”

“Awwwwwww, Papa, noooooooo!” wailed young Josh.

“There will be no moaning, my boy. Go and pack your bags. you are leaving for Canberra tomorrow. Uncle Alex says he might take you under his wing himself if you do well with Williams, so work hard and keep out of trouble.”

(Image Credit: Project Gutenberg))

And so it came to pass. Young Josh took his first unwilling steps towards his eventual glorious future.

Alas, not all the spells cast by his fairy godfathers worked. Much to Uncle Alex’s dismay Josh began to lose his hair, slowly at first, then more and more, until his hairline looked as though mice had been nibbling it as he slept. And he never did develop a fondness for leopard-skin stilettos or fishnet stockings. Which is probably a good thing.

(Image Credit: The Advertiser))

Next chapter – A True Liberal Princess.

1,050 thoughts on “The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

  1. socksfullofsand

    Except that before the election Kenny and his MSM mates didn’t do much calling out of the PM for what he calls the “obvious” “magic pudding” nature of Abbott’s bulldust promises .

  2. bbbf,

    Also will need to build new gaols – private ones, of course, because we are so broke – run for a handsome profit by LNP benefactors.. Bonus is we can get the little buggers to turn out things ultra cheap and put pressure on the wages of those actually working.

    The commodification of the underclass.

    Also, the corruption of the police and, possibly, the judiciary.

  3. Jaycee
    Hey! James Joyce! My favourite writer. I took my nickname from Stephen Dedalus.

    One great thing about fiction is that archetypes can be represented by fictional characters. Unlike in real life, where we have characters who seem even more fictional than in fiction.

    You couldn’t fictionalise a more extreme fictional character than Gina Reinhart. Or Adolf Hitler. Or Tony Abbott. Real walking, talking, surreal cardboard cliches.

    In movies you have right-wing superheroes being parachuted into wartime Germany to assassinate the Fuhrer (Walter Pidgeon in Fritz Lang’s Manhunt – 1941, Brad Pitt and goon-buddies in Tarantino’s Inglourius Basterds – 2009).

    Not so in real life. There you have the good guys being killed – the Kennedy’s and the citizens of Baghdad.

    Pretty depressing stuff. But fortunately history has a habit of coming full circle. Like for the Romanoff’s who got dragged from their beds. That’s what Abbott and his goons have to watch out for. Kick the working class enough and they’ll eventually come for you in the middle of the night and drag you from your beds.

    Like in fiction.

  4. TLBD
    Thanks for the reply to my rant about the Batts situation last night. Yes, Labor needs someone to just go out, stand there & defend the program. But to do that is to go over the top in the face of virtually the combined firepower of the MSM. I don’t think the fourth estate will retreat on this, they’ve invested so much of themselves.
    Paying my usual faint attention to a 9news at 6 last night, I think their coverage of the day mentioned three times that “it claimed four lives”. Every mention of this anywhere immediately states that “it claimed four lives” which is designed to bully any attempt at defence.
    Smiled at the mention of the code for “I voted liberal”. That’s exactly what it is. Sadly, such a job was done on the ALP that these people will be able to rationalise their vote along those lines. I almost never hear talk about politics, but I’ve noted a bit lately. All, however, of the coded “I voted liberal” variety.

  5. Anyone wanting to march in protest?

    I wish there was a local march. We’ve lost a lot of the things Rob Oakeshott fought hard to win for us. Vindicitve cuts, things taken away for no reason other than as punishment for sending an independent to parliament instead of a useless National. Spite, pure and simple.

    @Peter_Fitz @smh In PortMacq,local employment coordinator axed,legal centre funding cut,public dental chairs gone,skills brokering gone, etc— Rob Oakeshott (@RobOakeshott1) May 16, 2014

    Meanwhile our local Nats MP, like government MPs everywhere, is out there claiming work funded by Labor as his own achievement, with not one word about who got those projects up and running.

  6. Debt watch
    Another $1.9 billion borrowed this week. $700 million on Wednesday, $500 million yesterday, $700 million today. Hockey is stuck on that formula, it repeats every week now.

  7. Well I suppose Palmer would be standing for PM at the next Federal Election, as he is the Party Leader and he is in the Lower House.

  8. puffy
    Unfortunately that abuse is very, very common. There are people who deliberately target women with intellectual disabilities, they know nothing will ever be said and if it is, it won’t be believed. There is also a big problem with predators ‘grooming’ women who simply don’t understand they are in danger. I have heard some heart-breaking stories.

    I was involved in developing a program to educate young women with disabilities about their bodies, sex and other ‘women’s business’ because few of them got that sort of information at home. We had to start with the most basic things – why do you need underwear, for example. We had 25 year olds who had never worn a bra because no-one had ever bothered to buy them one. It really hit home to me how much we assume and how wrong those assumptions can be.

  9. Maybe Palmer’s plan is to bring the parliament into another minority position, and he’ll only have his party support the LNP if they make him PM, doing a Hughes/Lyons move.

    Such a brazen strategy sounds like something he’d try, and it might just work. But only if he wins more than 5 seats. And I can only see 3 seats vulnerable to the PUP (where its vote is above 15%) – Fisher, Hinkler and Wide Bay (only if Truss retires).

  10. can I ask a silly question. . .

    What is HoJo doing with all the money he is borrowing?

  11. Although Palmer sounds like a loud fool, he occassionally drops gems that remind you he was Liberal bagman in Queensland for over 20 years. I expect he will do better than Shorten because his larrikan persona appeals to the blue collar working class man – who nowadays wears hi-viz and works as his own boss subcontracting to the same firm all year through

  12. At the Pink Batts RC today, Greg Combet has brought reality to the proceedings. “Those who did the wrong thing were the installers who continued to use staples for the installation of foil insulation and they carry the onus of the responsibility,” was his very apt evidence.

    After the loss of Julia Gillard, the loss of Greg Combet was the most unfortunate (unfortunate for the country and the ALP) collateral damage in the ALP self-destruct exercise of early 2013.

  13. brianmcisme

    In one of the cases the coroner reported that the worker, although supplied with a plastic stapler, had bought a metal stapler because it was much faster. How that can be blamed on HIP is beyond me.

  14. I see nothing ‘larrikin’ about Palmer. I see a bully prepared to throw his considerable weight around to get what he wants, a man prepared to say anything if he thinks it will win a few votes. Palmer was so popular before the last election that he could not find candidates. He had to force his own employees to run. They had no choice in many cases, it was ‘run or lose your job’. He will, no doubt, do that again next time.

    I once tangled with a similar type, a business owner who made money by ripping off small not-for-profit organisations. When I first became aware of Clive Palmer all sorts of alarm bells went off. The resemblance to the shonk and the similarity between the way the two men operated were astounding. I believe Palmer is in politics only for himself, he doesn’t give a rat’s arse about pensioners or farmers or whatever. Sure, he might SAY he thinks, say, pensions should be raised, but that is now. Should he ever (God forbid) get himself into a position of power pensioners will be told to bugger off and be grateful for what they have – after he cuts their income.

    Palmer makes money from raping the land. He makes money from digging stuff out of the ground and flogging it off to the highest bidder. Palmer does not care about the environmental damage his mining inflicts. He wants the carbon tax repealed because he still has a tax bill. He wants the repeal retrospective so he will get back all the money he has paid so far. Imagine if he got his way on that – every cent raised by the carbon price would have to be given back. That would certainly ruin Hockey’s planned return to surplus. But it could happen. Palmer could do a deal – he supports the budget and Abbott makes the repeal retrospective.

    Palmer wants the MRRT repealed too because it will save him money. Forget all his blather about voting down the removal of benefits that came from the mining tax. He might say that now, but when push comes to shove he will roll over and have his senators vote it down. Do you seriously think this man cares about this country or its inhabitants at all? Of course he doesn’t. He sees Australia and Australians as a source of income. Nothing more.

    Those who see Palmer as the Great Hope for getting rid of the Abbott government are deluded fools. Vote for PUP at your peril. Some twit this morning tweeted Palmer was ‘fascinating’. I prefer ‘terrifying’.

  15. leonetwo

    “Facinating” could be appropriate. It started off from “fascinum’ =Spell , Witchcraft .

  16. Thanks Leone, I value your opinion of Clive Palmer, and other matters, given your different life experience

    After being associate with a former “blue collar” worker I can see Clive Palmer’s appeal, but I have never voted Liberal or for former Liberals and don’t intend to change the habits of a life time

  17. ICAC revelations are getting very close to home. First Andrew Stoner, leader of the NSW Nats and MP for the electorate next door was mentioned a week or so ago as meeing with Mike Gallacher. Who knows what might come from that mention when ICAC gets around to their full investigation of Gallacher. And today – woo! hoo!, former Hoeward minister and former member for Lyne Mark Vaile is mentioned – and not in a good way.

    #icac Tinkler has just named Mark Vaile as the man who organised his donations to the Nats.— Joan Evatt (@Boeufblogginon) May 16, 2014

  18. Palmer will have to stop bloviating and start getting his facts straight if he wants to win more seats, because sooner otr later someone in the media will start paying attention to the garbage he spouts. The other day he was raving on about the GP tax and he made the ludicrous claim that a pensioner who has to visit a GP four or five times a week will end up paying one third of their income in the tax. The stupid old fool didn’t seem to realise that for pensioners the co-payment is $5, not $7, and is – for now anyway – capped at $50 a year. Their ABC ran his rant without question or correction.

    “You imagine being a pensioner and earning $300 a week and you’re 87 and you’ve got to go to the doctor four or five times a week.

    “That takes up one-third of your income because of the co-payment.

  19. Does anyone know if the media have investigated whether the gallery on Thursday night had been stacked with ALP supporters?

  20. From Crikey’s Tips and Rumours – Brandis threatens Bernard Collaery – if he returns to Australia he will not be permitted to leave again. Full quote.

    Spy games: Bernard Collaery’s case. One of Australia’s most ignored spying scandals may not yet be finished. Crikey understands that Canberra lawyer Bernard Collaery, who is representing East Timor at the International Court of Justice over its case against Australia in relation to the Timor Sea Treaty, will not return to Australia out of concern the government will seize his passport.

    As part of his evidence in the case, a former Australian Security and Intelligence Service officer last year revealed the Australian Secret Intelligence Service had used the cover of an Australian aid program in order to bug the East Timorese cabinet during negotiations over the treaty. The whistleblower was subsequently raided by the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation, as well as having his passport seized to prevent him from travelling to the Hague to give evidence. At the same time, Collaery’s Canberra office was raided and documents seized — in effect meaning Collaery’s opponents in the Hague had access to his case notes. According to our source, Collaery has been tipped off that if he returns to Australia, he’ll be prevented from leaving again.

    A clue to all this may lie in the statement made after the raids by the ever more right-leaning Attorney-General George Brandis, whose chief of staff is former ASIO head Paul O’Sullivan. Brandis rose in Parliament on December 4 and, in justifying the raids, said “merely because Mr Collaery is a lawyer, that fact alone does not excuse him from the ordinary law of the land. In particular, no lawyer can invoke the principles of lawyer-client privilege to excuse participation, whether as principal or accessory, in offences against the Commonwealth.”

    It’s clear now that there was an implicit threat in those words that Collaery would be targeted for “offences against the Commonwealth” — the offences, of course, being the embarrassing revelation of a cowboy intelligence agency engaged in commercial espionage against a barely economically viable micro-state.

    Yesterday, Collaery was permitted by the Senate Privileges Committee to have incorporated in Hansard his response to Brandis’ smear. His statement provides evidence of the ASIS agent’s correspondence with the then-Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security, Ian Carnell, that shows how disingenuous the current IGIS, Vivienne Thom, was when she issued a statement denying anyone had contacted her office about the matter.

    Collaery’s office says he has been working from a London office and is remaining there to handle the East Timor case for the time being. Unsurprisingly, they could shed no light on the government’s intentions about his passport

    Links from this piece –
    Brandis’ statement—Ministerial-Statement—Execution-of-ASIO-Search-Warrants.aspx

    Collaery’s response in Hansard

    Dr Vivienne Thom’s ‘naive’ statement.

  21. Looks like tories are the same all over.

    Tories use secret dining club as front for donations

    The Conservatives are funnelling hundreds of thousands of pounds’ worth of donations to the party through a secretive dining club that allows donors to keep their identity hidden.

    The secret donations to the United and Cecil Club make it the Tories’ seventh-largest donor, with their biggest financial support coming from the billionaire hedge fund manager Sir Michael Hintze

  22. I just logged into the Royal Commission and Matthew Fuller’s father and I am in sympathy but less than impressed. He is projecting his grief onto everyone else and using the RC to avoid engaging with his grief. I know about this stuff. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of my husband’s death, in my arms.

  23. Mr Fuller is imo, is trying to make meaning from his son’s meaningless death, a death caused by his own son’s flagrant disregard of OH&S rules. His son was a qualified electrician who had a brush with death a week before he repeated the action which then killed him.

    Mr Fuller, take my sincere advice. Go home, give your son the honour of your profound un-distracted grief. Remember him. It is all that is left.

  24. puffytmd

    This would give a hint as to where responsibility is for Fuller.

    Firm fined $100K for home insulation death

    …….His girlfriend and co-worker Monique Pridmore, 18, sustained severe electrical burns to her leg
    Their employer, QHI Installations Pty Ltd, was charged with failing to conduct its business in a way that was electrically safe.

    Director Christopher William McKay and his father, company manager Christopher John McKay, were also charged with failing to ensure the company complied with its obligations.

    Christopher John McKay pleaded guilty to this charge on Friday in the Beenleigh Magistrates Court.

  25. No wonder Tinkler was fleeing to Singapore ealier in the week.

    Tinkler has finished his evidence. Someone is trying to serve papers on him as he leaves. #icac #nswpol #lifeofabillionaire— Mark Coultan (@mcoultan) May 16, 2014

    Although Tinkler couldn't wait to get out of #icac he is now holed up inside to avoid the process server who's waiting here to serve him.— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) May 16, 2014

  26. Media outlets running polls on whether Australians would be keen or not to return to the polls after Abbott's budget. Overwhelming yes vote.— Peter Foster (@PeterFosterALP) May 16, 2014

    This should make everyone even more keen on an election now – Abbott wants to push ahead with reducing the minimum wage.
    More audit proposals still in train for reform agenda

    Meanwhile – HoJo is refusing to debate Chris Bowen and Abbott is apparently doing double backflips away from a double dissolution.

  27. Here’s the impact that Hockey’s GP tax will have on regional areas

    Mr Apostol expects low-income earners, such as single parents and patients with chronic illness, may avoid seeing their GP for preventive healthcare and instead seek treatment in local hospitals.

    With less patients coming in to see their GP, this may scare off doctors from practising medicine in rural areas such as the Latrobe Valley, Mr Apostol warned.

    Where are the howls of indignation from the National Party?

  28. Speaking of the National Party, have a look at these excerpts from an article on the budget in my local rag.

    THE federal budget would invest in the future of Gippsland, according to Gippsland MHR Darren Chester.

    He said the budget had confirmed $40 million in the coming financial year as part of the federal government’s contribution to the $175 million Princes Highway duplication between Sale and Traralgon.

    Mr Chester said the $185 million East Sale RAAF Base redevelopment would continue, along with several trade training projects across Gippsland.

    Next, look at these excerpts from my local member’s press release about the budget.

    Federal Member for Gippsland Darren Chester says the 2014 Budget will invest in the future of Gippsland

    Mr Chester said the budget had confirmed $40 million in the coming financial year as part of the Federal Government’s contribution to the $175 million Princes Highway duplication between Sale and Traralgon.

    The $185 million East Sale RAAF Base redevelopment will continue along with several trade training projects across the region.

    Spot the difference?

  29. I have to say, much to my surprise, I felt that Bill Shorten hit every target last night. And the proof in the pudding, nothing on abc radio today except for the Libs squealing.


    If you are around, could we have our usual lucky dip in the raffle, and one for my Mum, who arrived for a visit today. We are off to a bonfire at 5pm, I’ll be visualising Blood Oaf and the Oafs going down in flames.

  30. Gippy Laborite

    So it’s only going to be $40 million, that has probably already been paid by Labor. The rest will just disappear into the sunset. A quarter done job.

  31. Another minister in the pocket of the ADF

    Defence minister David Johnston is disinclined to launch a royal commission to examine past defence abuses.

    But he will be guided by advice from the chairman of the Defence Abuse Response Taskforce, former West Australian supreme court judge Len Roberts-Smith QC.

    “He might advise a royal commission. I am not sure but I don’t think he will,” Johnston said.

  32. Caught a bit of RRR this morning. I don’t usually tune in to Tony Biggs, but I was driving about and I thought I’d see what his reaction to the week in politics was. I think he’s some kind of radical green socialist.

    Big mistake. He teed off against Shorten big time. Said the budget reply speech was a farce, said he can’t stand the way Shorten speaks, said he should sack his scriptwriter, blah blah blah. I should have known better. Unless it’s grass roots radical environmental smash the state politics, he’s not interested. He reckons unless the entire student population rise up in protest the entire nation is brain dead. He’s aghast that there aren’t unions already on strike everywhere. And – the kicker – he can’t understand why there are no protests planned. There are. There’s a massive one on Sunday, but he wasn’t aware of it.

    I get very annoyed when so-called champions of the left insist that there’s no difference between the major parties. They’re creating a complaining class for themselves. They seem to think that unless the ALP physically stop what the Coalition are doing, then they’re in on the rort too.

    As I always say, vote for who you like, I won’t complain. But at least have a think about who’s actually going to run the place once you’ve put the 1 in the box.

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