The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

The Pub is proud to present Madame Leone’s cautionary tale for our contemplation.

(Image Credit: Perth Now))

The Pillars of the Liberal Party

Chapter One: The Making of a Liberal Politician

(OK, I stole that from Battlelines, but no-one has ever read that so no-one will notice)

Not so very long ago in a city in the south a baby boy was born to well-to-do, well-educated parents. They named their treasure ‘Joshua’ and a grand celebration was held. Two fairy godfathers attended – Uncle Peter and Uncle Alex. They bestowed great and valuable gifts on the infant. He would receive a lavish education, the gaining of which would take him overseas, then he would, of course, become a Young Liberal and one day, if the spell lasted, he would be Prime Minister. Uncle Alex added a bonus spell, Joshua would always have a beautiful head of thick hair and would also appreciate elegant footwear and fishnet stockings. The baby’s parents were overjoyed with these gifts, although they had their reservations about the fishnet stockings.

Young Joshua grew and flourished, becoming a somewhat chubby young man with, of course, a lovely head of hair. He had been sent to the best schools his faith had to offer. He went on to study law at Monash (although his mother secretly longed for him to study medicine), then, as his fairy godfathers had promised, headed off to Oxford and then Harvard. And, of course, he joined the local branch of the Young Liberals, also as promised. Whenever his travels allowed he handed out how to vote leaflets at elections and engaged in occasional Black Ops forays into the less salubrious, Labor-voting parts of the city. In every way Josh was the perfect young Liberal blue-blood.

(Image Credits: Wallace Wong and Steve Dunwell))

But sadly, all that study did not take and it became evident he would never be a lawyer’s bootstrap. One day his worried Papa took him aside for a man-to-man chat.

“Oh Papa,” said Josh, “I already know all that stuff, I went to Oxford, you know.”

“No, son, that’s not the purpose of this talk,” said his no longer very proud Papa. “I have come to a decision. It’s time you found a job.”

“Me! Work?” said a startled Josh. “But Papa, what about my doctorate and what about my professorship, and what about the next young Liberal BBQ and what about……”

“Enough!” roared Papa. “I’ve spent several fortunes already on your education and you are still as dumb as a box of rocks. And not even the smart rocks either, just the very dumb ones. I have decided. You will become a political advisor – no-one will notice your stupidity among that lot. Uncle Alex and Uncle Peter have already found you a position. You will be working for Darryl Williams.”

“Awwwwwww, Papa, noooooooo!” wailed young Josh.

“There will be no moaning, my boy. Go and pack your bags. you are leaving for Canberra tomorrow. Uncle Alex says he might take you under his wing himself if you do well with Williams, so work hard and keep out of trouble.”

(Image Credit: Project Gutenberg))

And so it came to pass. Young Josh took his first unwilling steps towards his eventual glorious future.

Alas, not all the spells cast by his fairy godfathers worked. Much to Uncle Alex’s dismay Josh began to lose his hair, slowly at first, then more and more, until his hairline looked as though mice had been nibbling it as he slept. And he never did develop a fondness for leopard-skin stilettos or fishnet stockings. Which is probably a good thing.

(Image Credit: The Advertiser))

Next chapter – A True Liberal Princess.


1,050 thoughts on “The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

  1. Does anyone know if the media have investigated whether the gallery on Thursday night had been stacked with ALP supporters?

  2. From Crikey’s Tips and Rumours – Brandis threatens Bernard Collaery – if he returns to Australia he will not be permitted to leave again. Full quote.

    Spy games: Bernard Collaery’s case. One of Australia’s most ignored spying scandals may not yet be finished. Crikey understands that Canberra lawyer Bernard Collaery, who is representing East Timor at the International Court of Justice over its case against Australia in relation to the Timor Sea Treaty, will not return to Australia out of concern the government will seize his passport.

    As part of his evidence in the case, a former Australian Security and Intelligence Service officer last year revealed the Australian Secret Intelligence Service had used the cover of an Australian aid program in order to bug the East Timorese cabinet during negotiations over the treaty. The whistleblower was subsequently raided by the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation, as well as having his passport seized to prevent him from travelling to the Hague to give evidence. At the same time, Collaery’s Canberra office was raided and documents seized — in effect meaning Collaery’s opponents in the Hague had access to his case notes. According to our source, Collaery has been tipped off that if he returns to Australia, he’ll be prevented from leaving again.

    A clue to all this may lie in the statement made after the raids by the ever more right-leaning Attorney-General George Brandis, whose chief of staff is former ASIO head Paul O’Sullivan. Brandis rose in Parliament on December 4 and, in justifying the raids, said “merely because Mr Collaery is a lawyer, that fact alone does not excuse him from the ordinary law of the land. In particular, no lawyer can invoke the principles of lawyer-client privilege to excuse participation, whether as principal or accessory, in offences against the Commonwealth.”

    It’s clear now that there was an implicit threat in those words that Collaery would be targeted for “offences against the Commonwealth” — the offences, of course, being the embarrassing revelation of a cowboy intelligence agency engaged in commercial espionage against a barely economically viable micro-state.

    Yesterday, Collaery was permitted by the Senate Privileges Committee to have incorporated in Hansard his response to Brandis’ smear. His statement provides evidence of the ASIS agent’s correspondence with the then-Inspector-General of Intelligence and Security, Ian Carnell, that shows how disingenuous the current IGIS, Vivienne Thom, was when she issued a statement denying anyone had contacted her office about the matter.

    Collaery’s office says he has been working from a London office and is remaining there to handle the East Timor case for the time being. Unsurprisingly, they could shed no light on the government’s intentions about his passport

    Links from this piece –
    Brandis’ statement—Ministerial-Statement—Execution-of-ASIO-Search-Warrants.aspx

    Collaery’s response in Hansard

    Dr Vivienne Thom’s ‘naive’ statement.

  3. Looks like tories are the same all over.

    Tories use secret dining club as front for donations

    The Conservatives are funnelling hundreds of thousands of pounds’ worth of donations to the party through a secretive dining club that allows donors to keep their identity hidden.

    The secret donations to the United and Cecil Club make it the Tories’ seventh-largest donor, with their biggest financial support coming from the billionaire hedge fund manager Sir Michael Hintze

  4. I just logged into the Royal Commission and Matthew Fuller’s father and I am in sympathy but less than impressed. He is projecting his grief onto everyone else and using the RC to avoid engaging with his grief. I know about this stuff. Tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of my husband’s death, in my arms.

  5. Mr Fuller is imo, is trying to make meaning from his son’s meaningless death, a death caused by his own son’s flagrant disregard of OH&S rules. His son was a qualified electrician who had a brush with death a week before he repeated the action which then killed him.

    Mr Fuller, take my sincere advice. Go home, give your son the honour of your profound un-distracted grief. Remember him. It is all that is left.

  6. puffytmd

    This would give a hint as to where responsibility is for Fuller.

    Firm fined $100K for home insulation death

    …….His girlfriend and co-worker Monique Pridmore, 18, sustained severe electrical burns to her leg
    Their employer, QHI Installations Pty Ltd, was charged with failing to conduct its business in a way that was electrically safe.

    Director Christopher William McKay and his father, company manager Christopher John McKay, were also charged with failing to ensure the company complied with its obligations.

    Christopher John McKay pleaded guilty to this charge on Friday in the Beenleigh Magistrates Court.

  7. No wonder Tinkler was fleeing to Singapore ealier in the week.

    Tinkler has finished his evidence. Someone is trying to serve papers on him as he leaves. #icac #nswpol #lifeofabillionaire— Mark Coultan (@mcoultan) May 16, 2014

    Although Tinkler couldn't wait to get out of #icac he is now holed up inside to avoid the process server who's waiting here to serve him.— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) May 16, 2014

  8. Media outlets running polls on whether Australians would be keen or not to return to the polls after Abbott's budget. Overwhelming yes vote.— Peter Foster (@PeterFosterALP) May 16, 2014

    This should make everyone even more keen on an election now – Abbott wants to push ahead with reducing the minimum wage.
    More audit proposals still in train for reform agenda

    Meanwhile – HoJo is refusing to debate Chris Bowen and Abbott is apparently doing double backflips away from a double dissolution.

  9. Here’s the impact that Hockey’s GP tax will have on regional areas

    Mr Apostol expects low-income earners, such as single parents and patients with chronic illness, may avoid seeing their GP for preventive healthcare and instead seek treatment in local hospitals.

    With less patients coming in to see their GP, this may scare off doctors from practising medicine in rural areas such as the Latrobe Valley, Mr Apostol warned.

    Where are the howls of indignation from the National Party?

  10. Speaking of the National Party, have a look at these excerpts from an article on the budget in my local rag.

    THE federal budget would invest in the future of Gippsland, according to Gippsland MHR Darren Chester.

    He said the budget had confirmed $40 million in the coming financial year as part of the federal government’s contribution to the $175 million Princes Highway duplication between Sale and Traralgon.

    Mr Chester said the $185 million East Sale RAAF Base redevelopment would continue, along with several trade training projects across Gippsland.

    Next, look at these excerpts from my local member’s press release about the budget.

    Federal Member for Gippsland Darren Chester says the 2014 Budget will invest in the future of Gippsland

    Mr Chester said the budget had confirmed $40 million in the coming financial year as part of the Federal Government’s contribution to the $175 million Princes Highway duplication between Sale and Traralgon.

    The $185 million East Sale RAAF Base redevelopment will continue along with several trade training projects across the region.

    Spot the difference?

  11. I have to say, much to my surprise, I felt that Bill Shorten hit every target last night. And the proof in the pudding, nothing on abc radio today except for the Libs squealing.


    If you are around, could we have our usual lucky dip in the raffle, and one for my Mum, who arrived for a visit today. We are off to a bonfire at 5pm, I’ll be visualising Blood Oaf and the Oafs going down in flames.

  12. Gippy Laborite

    So it’s only going to be $40 million, that has probably already been paid by Labor. The rest will just disappear into the sunset. A quarter done job.

  13. Another minister in the pocket of the ADF

    Defence minister David Johnston is disinclined to launch a royal commission to examine past defence abuses.

    But he will be guided by advice from the chairman of the Defence Abuse Response Taskforce, former West Australian supreme court judge Len Roberts-Smith QC.

    “He might advise a royal commission. I am not sure but I don’t think he will,” Johnston said.

  14. Caught a bit of RRR this morning. I don’t usually tune in to Tony Biggs, but I was driving about and I thought I’d see what his reaction to the week in politics was. I think he’s some kind of radical green socialist.

    Big mistake. He teed off against Shorten big time. Said the budget reply speech was a farce, said he can’t stand the way Shorten speaks, said he should sack his scriptwriter, blah blah blah. I should have known better. Unless it’s grass roots radical environmental smash the state politics, he’s not interested. He reckons unless the entire student population rise up in protest the entire nation is brain dead. He’s aghast that there aren’t unions already on strike everywhere. And – the kicker – he can’t understand why there are no protests planned. There are. There’s a massive one on Sunday, but he wasn’t aware of it.

    I get very annoyed when so-called champions of the left insist that there’s no difference between the major parties. They’re creating a complaining class for themselves. They seem to think that unless the ALP physically stop what the Coalition are doing, then they’re in on the rort too.

    As I always say, vote for who you like, I won’t complain. But at least have a think about who’s actually going to run the place once you’ve put the 1 in the box.

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