The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

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The Pub is proud to present Madame Leone’s cautionary tale for our contemplation.

(Image Credit: Perth Now))

The Pillars of the Liberal Party

Chapter One: The Making of a Liberal Politician

(OK, I stole that from Battlelines, but no-one has ever read that so no-one will notice)

Not so very long ago in a city in the south a baby boy was born to well-to-do, well-educated parents. They named their treasure ‘Joshua’ and a grand celebration was held. Two fairy godfathers attended – Uncle Peter and Uncle Alex. They bestowed great and valuable gifts on the infant. He would receive a lavish education, the gaining of which would take him overseas, then he would, of course, become a Young Liberal and one day, if the spell lasted, he would be Prime Minister. Uncle Alex added a bonus spell, Joshua would always have a beautiful head of thick hair and would also appreciate elegant footwear and fishnet stockings. The baby’s parents were overjoyed with these gifts, although they had their reservations about the fishnet stockings.

Young Joshua grew and flourished, becoming a somewhat chubby young man with, of course, a lovely head of hair. He had been sent to the best schools his faith had to offer. He went on to study law at Monash (although his mother secretly longed for him to study medicine), then, as his fairy godfathers had promised, headed off to Oxford and then Harvard. And, of course, he joined the local branch of the Young Liberals, also as promised. Whenever his travels allowed he handed out how to vote leaflets at elections and engaged in occasional Black Ops forays into the less salubrious, Labor-voting parts of the city. In every way Josh was the perfect young Liberal blue-blood.

(Image Credits: Wallace Wong and Steve Dunwell))

But sadly, all that study did not take and it became evident he would never be a lawyer’s bootstrap. One day his worried Papa took him aside for a man-to-man chat.

“Oh Papa,” said Josh, “I already know all that stuff, I went to Oxford, you know.”

“No, son, that’s not the purpose of this talk,” said his no longer very proud Papa. “I have come to a decision. It’s time you found a job.”

“Me! Work?” said a startled Josh. “But Papa, what about my doctorate and what about my professorship, and what about the next young Liberal BBQ and what about……”

“Enough!” roared Papa. “I’ve spent several fortunes already on your education and you are still as dumb as a box of rocks. And not even the smart rocks either, just the very dumb ones. I have decided. You will become a political advisor – no-one will notice your stupidity among that lot. Uncle Alex and Uncle Peter have already found you a position. You will be working for Darryl Williams.”

“Awwwwwww, Papa, noooooooo!” wailed young Josh.

“There will be no moaning, my boy. Go and pack your bags. you are leaving for Canberra tomorrow. Uncle Alex says he might take you under his wing himself if you do well with Williams, so work hard and keep out of trouble.”

(Image Credit: Project Gutenberg))

And so it came to pass. Young Josh took his first unwilling steps towards his eventual glorious future.

Alas, not all the spells cast by his fairy godfathers worked. Much to Uncle Alex’s dismay Josh began to lose his hair, slowly at first, then more and more, until his hairline looked as though mice had been nibbling it as he slept. And he never did develop a fondness for leopard-skin stilettos or fishnet stockings. Which is probably a good thing.

(Image Credit: The Advertiser))

Next chapter – A True Liberal Princess.

1,050 thoughts on “The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1”

  1. It fascinates me that people like Blewitt have such vindictiveness towards Ms Gillard, are known to be ‘individuals of questionable probity’, yet are still offered “immunity” to back up such a political witch hunt as this Royal Commission? Or anything else, for that matter!

    And of course, Ms Gillard is horribly guilty of being a woman in power, and worse ‘stealing’ the 2010 election from the patsey we currently suffer with. I think she should be praised for providing us three years relief from the insanity we now have to suffer…

  2. A disgustingly slanted article on Ralph Blewitt’s return by none other than Hedley Thomas in The Australian.

    And no Murdoch paywall either. I guess they want as many people to read it as possible.

    It’s full of insinuation, black hints, unsubstantiated allegations dressed up as “evidence about to be given by Blewitt” and mentions the mysterious “private citizen” (nameless, of course) who is stumping up the cash for this farce.

    The Victorian cops are in on it, too. They’re going into bat for Blewitt, begging that he be offered immunity from jail (not prosecution), because they say he will plead guilty and take it like a man. Since they got rid of the previous Commissioner, they’ve been in cahoots with The Australian in a most unbecoming and unholy way.

    There is an awful stench about this that really gets under my goat.

    Anonymous benefactors, QCs offering their services for free, the Victorian cops prosecuting a 20 year-old case, spending untold amounts of money to do it “Australia wide”, Thomas himself on what seems to be a vendetta, Murdoch aiding and abetting putting the boot in, a sham Royal Commission and its “star” witness, the odious Blewitt, and behind it all, no doubt, Abbott and his gang, have formed a malignant alliance to not only destroy, but to scatter to the winds any remaining vestige of the Labor government.

    Their viciousness and mercilessness border on the psychopathic.

    Abbott seeks to ruin other people and thereby make himself look good, simply by virtue of being the last man standing. He is a destructive, putrefying influence on society. He wrecks everything, smears everyone, and brings the entire tenor of civilized behaviour and human decency down to the level of the few remaining miserable molecules of testosterone sloshing around in his testicles.

    He’s not happy with ruining, or attempting to ruin, Gillard’s political career. He wants to ruin her life if he can manage it: pre, during and post politics.

    His hatred for her is palpable and sickening. His quest for vengeance and self-justification is a blight on good governance. He has no shame, no ability to reflect, only a talent for plotting and wrecking.

    Such a terrible choice as Prime Minister. It makes me worry where this country is headed if such malevolence is allowed to flourish.

    http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/corrupt-awu-official-ralph-blewitt-first-to-face-royal-commission-into-union-graft/story-fn59niix-1226908862189#

  3. Bushfire Bill,

    Totally agree – but my local plods* have been in Murdoch’s pocket since before they got rid of Christine Nixon, who was the Chief Commissioner before Simon Overland.

    On an entirely different matter, could you possibly go to The Pub’s media library and fix up whatever stupid thing has happened to the fishnets and stilettos pic? It is editable, but I dunno how to do it.

    Pretty please?

    * Not all of them, of course – but a few? several? quite a lot? in positions of power.

  4. Blewitt makes a handy unicorn (alpacorn) for Joe’s budget. It will have CPG running around in circles.

  5. joe6pack

    Don’t you dare change, you are our joe, the only Joe I know, there is no way you can be associated with the Joke.

  7. Joe6pack,

    What Gravel said. Besides, the Honourable the Treasurer is really JoHo, or Hokey, or all sorts of other mocking names.

  8. gigilene

    Condolences on the loss of your niece. Vanessa has left a wonderful legacy, more than many other people have.

  10. BB

    I wonder if by attempting to rubbish Julia and Labor, it may backfire. People might stop to think of the things that this mob are taking away from them, and remember the things that Labor did that was good. That is what I think Labor should focus on, all the good things they did, compare to what this mob are taking away. School kids bonus, pension rises, keeping petrol out of carbon pricing and many other things. The time will be right soon to do this, and people may listen.

  11. http://www.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/david-elliott-wants-to-overturn-a-threedecade-ban-on-cracker-night/story-fnii5s3x-1226912804552

    http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/may/10/gove-lunatic-raid-free-schools

    http://www.thenigerianvoice.com/news/145436/1/nigeria-american-marines-locate-abducted-girls-in-.html

    http://www.stripes.com/news/africa/nigeria-refused-help-to-search-for-kidnapped-girls-1.282507

    http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2014/04/bubble_vocabulary_the_best_way_to_expand_your_vocabulary_is_to_use_the_words.html

  12. gigilene

    Just read of Vanessa. Terribly sad and I wish there were words that could make a difference . Reading of the money she raised I had an overwhelming thought. How she was raising money in her situation for other people and to compare and contrast with the likes of Abbott and co claiming so much more for “weddings parties and anything” . for themselves . I know who the far far better person was between Vanessa and those “great and the good” .

  13. gravel

    Thank you.

    kk

    Between two relapses she decided to tour Australia in a caravan for fundraising purpose. She appeared on Ch 7 a couple of times and on many radio programs. She was positive in everything she undertook. She was indeed no Abbott and none of the Libs we know.

  14. Josh Frydenberg you gotta be kidding!!….whenever I see him, an image of a tofu-stuffed condom with a lipstick smear and ” no brains at all”.

  15. Gigilene,

    I’ve only just caught up with Vanessa. What an amazing young woman – worth a trillion of all those entitled born to rule nongs.

    My thoughts are with Vanessa and her extended family. Take care of each other, and of yourself.

  18. I think the all the RC’S will either backfire or have a zero outcome.
    The only ones pulling their pud over it are Libs and some sections of the msm.

  21. They’re designed to do the only thing the Liberals under Abbott have shown any propensity for – smearing ALP figures. They’d be very keen to get the focus off themselves about now, and post-Budget (and the commentary on it) there’ll be a bit of a news void. I guess this is supposed to fill it in. I’ve thought for a while that the only possible way the Coalition can turn the voting exodus around is to go hard on the ALP. I see no reason why they wouldn’t try it.

    However, I’m not so sure it’ll work for them, not if Blewitt is their star witness. Flaky as all get out. And the spectre of Gillard now means nothing to the voting public. Most don’t care about her at all and would wish her well in whatever it is she wants to do with her life. It was supposed to be about getting Abbott into power, and the circumstances surrounding it have all died down.

    I don’t think it’ll backfire. But by the same token I doubt getting News Ltd to scream ‘Gillard!’ headlines is going to be much use to them either. Trying to get people to judge previous governments is a waste of time, politically speaking. They won’t make future decisions based on it, because those judgements have already been made and expressed.

  24. I do not think it’s just coincidence that this Royal Commission begins the day before Budget Day.
    I do not think it is coincidence that Blewitt happens to be in town for the first day of that Royal Commission.
    I do not think it is coincidence that Blewitt will be the first witness.
    And it’s no coincidence that the ‘pink batts’ Royal Commsiion is also going on at the same time.

    It has all been carefully orchestrated to draw attention to Labor’s alleged sins, and there’s the big problem.

    This orchestrated ‘Get Labor’ circus coming at the same time as this government’s first budget means that there is just too much going on. Blewitt at one Royal Commission, Rudd at another on Wednesday, Hockey handing down his budget and doing the rounds of TV shows and the press club – the journalists won’t know where to look.Then there’s the real scene stealer – ICAC, in it last three days before it goes into adjournment. Will any of it get any proper coverage?

  25. Fiona
    How are Ned and Syd?

    FAT ,Lazy and nearly up for adoption.
    Caused a little bit of damage today and are in the bad books.
    Saying that poor Ned nearly had a heart attack when I got home.
    Syd went Pfft. Feed me

  26. This orchestrated ‘Get Labor’ circus coming at the same time as this government’s first budget means that there is just too much going on. Blewitt at one Royal Commission, Rudd at another on Wednesday, Hockey handing down his budget and doing the rounds of TV shows and the press club – the journalists won’t know where to look.Then there’s the real scene stealer – ICAC, in it last three days before it goes into adjournment. Will any of it get any proper coverage?

    All of this falls exactly into what BB has been saying for ages.
    Abbot will love this “WHIRLING DEVISH” stuff going on.
    Keep every one confused, he survives another day,week,month till the next drama.

  27. From around the place –

    Zanetti – his personal political views are not to my taste, but he sure knows how to nail it.

    And – only one of these men can count –

  28. This Blewitt cameo spot will show how vacuous the MSM. are, by their shrill obsequience to the LNP…..we’ll see!

  31. Gigilene, that is very sad. On the box tonight, many of the Mothers day stories featured pink backgrounds. A painful reminder of what robs so many of their Mums. Hugs to you

  32. Just before midday I was given to understand that a Mother’s Day dinner was expected. So I trawled through the recipes, decided Boeuf aux oignons was the best bet, sent an SOS to my wonderful butcher (who immediately asked, “How long do I have to get this ready?”) and sashayed forth, first to the supermarket to collect extra shallots and mashing potatoes, then to my favourite wine merchants to discuss the chateau cardboard that best approximated a burgundy style (and to purchase a remarkably inexpensive – as in well under $20 – but magnificent Côtes du Rhône) and finally to the butcher’s for the chuck steak, streaky bacon, beef bones, stock, and cheese (no the latter was not part of the beef dish.

    For once I didn’t take any shortcuts. Even, at the end of cooking the meat, strained off the cooking liquid, defatted and reduced it, and then whisked in the beurre manié. Not to mention hand-whisking the pommes duchesse. The other sides were al dente green beans and carrots.

    It was rather nice, and there’s plenty to freeze.

    Not something I want to do every day, however.

  33. Fiona – best buddy !!! yuuuum

    Leone – thanks for your analysis – I was a bit of a bastard asking for your analysis before I headed out for the day

  34. To be fairer Fiona can I swap you my specialitie du maison namely Dijon Chicken or Sri Lankan Pork Curry for Boeuf aux oignons

  35. Had a Mothers Day planned out for the old dear:

    Grapefruit

    Buffalo yoghurt

    Wilted baby spinach with poached egg and 2 rashers crispy bacon, toast

    But I made so much/rich dinner we are still full. Might have some yoghurt a bit later.

  36. Oh wow!…all youse sound like you had vey exotic menus for your mother’s day dinners….I musta been in the bad books, cause my OH. looked at me funny like and said I had to eat pussy!…….I’ve never had cat before..I wonder what it will be like…

  38. Jaycee,
    What’s exotic about beef stew and three veg (one of them mashed potato)?

  39. Lamb loin chops with lemon-tarragon aioli, brussels sprouts and grilled orange segments here.

  40. Ducky,

    How did you do the Brussels sprouts? It’s a question of interest in these parts at the moment.

  42. Jaycee,
    That’s what comes of Frenchifying, or otherwise baroquely fancying up the names of ordinary things.

  43. Fiona I am heading over round 12 June, [must contact me old house mates to get free lodging]

  46. Fiona,

    Microwave. Top off the sprouts. Deep cross. Three minutes for 12 sprouts.

    Just been watching Gently.

  49. AJ,

    Would you like me to howl sing your baby to sleep?

    *sigh* I thought not – even though my yowls are infinitely more musical (ask any cat) than those produced by woolufes.

  50. George Gently tonight dealt with one of the last of the Butlin-style holiday camps (1969). They were immensely popular in the early post-war years, but lost demand as people became more prosperous and wanted to venture further for a holiday. The TV sit-com Hi-De-Hi was based on them. Fairly predictable characters and stories, but not bad for simple fun. Here’s an episode.

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