The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1

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The Pub is proud to present Madame Leone’s cautionary tale for our contemplation.

(Image Credit: Perth Now))

The Pillars of the Liberal Party

Chapter One: The Making of a Liberal Politician

(OK, I stole that from Battlelines, but no-one has ever read that so no-one will notice)

Not so very long ago in a city in the south a baby boy was born to well-to-do, well-educated parents. They named their treasure ‘Joshua’ and a grand celebration was held. Two fairy godfathers attended – Uncle Peter and Uncle Alex. They bestowed great and valuable gifts on the infant. He would receive a lavish education, the gaining of which would take him overseas, then he would, of course, become a Young Liberal and one day, if the spell lasted, he would be Prime Minister. Uncle Alex added a bonus spell, Joshua would always have a beautiful head of thick hair and would also appreciate elegant footwear and fishnet stockings. The baby’s parents were overjoyed with these gifts, although they had their reservations about the fishnet stockings.

Young Joshua grew and flourished, becoming a somewhat chubby young man with, of course, a lovely head of hair. He had been sent to the best schools his faith had to offer. He went on to study law at Monash (although his mother secretly longed for him to study medicine), then, as his fairy godfathers had promised, headed off to Oxford and then Harvard. And, of course, he joined the local branch of the Young Liberals, also as promised. Whenever his travels allowed he handed out how to vote leaflets at elections and engaged in occasional Black Ops forays into the less salubrious, Labor-voting parts of the city. In every way Josh was the perfect young Liberal blue-blood.

(Image Credits: Wallace Wong and Steve Dunwell))

But sadly, all that study did not take and it became evident he would never be a lawyer’s bootstrap. One day his worried Papa took him aside for a man-to-man chat.

“Oh Papa,” said Josh, “I already know all that stuff, I went to Oxford, you know.”

“No, son, that’s not the purpose of this talk,” said his no longer very proud Papa. “I have come to a decision. It’s time you found a job.”

“Me! Work?” said a startled Josh. “But Papa, what about my doctorate and what about my professorship, and what about the next young Liberal BBQ and what about……”

“Enough!” roared Papa. “I’ve spent several fortunes already on your education and you are still as dumb as a box of rocks. And not even the smart rocks either, just the very dumb ones. I have decided. You will become a political advisor – no-one will notice your stupidity among that lot. Uncle Alex and Uncle Peter have already found you a position. You will be working for Darryl Williams.”

“Awwwwwww, Papa, noooooooo!” wailed young Josh.

“There will be no moaning, my boy. Go and pack your bags. you are leaving for Canberra tomorrow. Uncle Alex says he might take you under his wing himself if you do well with Williams, so work hard and keep out of trouble.”

(Image Credit: Project Gutenberg))

And so it came to pass. Young Josh took his first unwilling steps towards his eventual glorious future.

Alas, not all the spells cast by his fairy godfathers worked. Much to Uncle Alex’s dismay Josh began to lose his hair, slowly at first, then more and more, until his hairline looked as though mice had been nibbling it as he slept. And he never did develop a fondness for leopard-skin stilettos or fishnet stockings. Which is probably a good thing.

(Image Credit: The Advertiser))

Next chapter – A True Liberal Princess.

1,050 thoughts on “The Pillars of the Liberal Party – Chapter 1”

  2. This is a must read on Ukraine & Russia. More sense on this topic than nearly everyting you see written about it in the English speaking world.

    http://pando.com/2014/05/14/sorry-america-the-ukraine-isnt-all-about-you/

    http://reneweconomy.com.au/2014/australia-dumps-clean-energy-in-favour-of-asphalt-economy-60115

    http://www.smh.com.au/business/federal-budget/joe-hockeys-federal-budget-prediction-lower-growth-more-unemployment-20140515-38bkw.html

  3. Kambah Mick,
    If only you, your OH and those who give so much to others could be cloned – you make me grateful to be still alive and kicking just to know there are people like you out there who are willing to take care of others. I know that those you help appreciate you and thank you, but I would like to add my own thanks and appreciation for the voluntary work you do.

  5. They don’t come much better than Kambah Mick. Even though he would modestly disclaim that he is doing anything special, he sure is and it’s good to read that his OH is there as well.

  6. foreverjanice

    Many clones of Kambah Mick and their OIH would make the world a much better place.

  8. Kambah Mick and KMOH are stellar people, and it’s a privilege to have them as eacquaintences (and, I hope, efriends).

    There are lots of other wondrous people at The Pub – my respects to all of youse.

  10. poroti

    Yaaaaaaay Shorten NOT doing a Beazley and defending their economic record

  14. Couple of journos release early articles based on Bill’s speech

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/may/15/bill-shorten-oppose-fuel-tax-rise-gp-co-payments-cuts-to-pensions

    http://www.news.com.au/finance/economy/labors-budget-reply-speech-is-shorten-sweet-australias-been-deceived/story-fn84fgcm-1226919278823

    Click to access ACTU%20Budget%20briefing%202014.pdf

    http://blogs.fas.org/security/2014/05/russianmodernization/

    http://www.defenseone.com/technology/2014/05/every-country-will-have-armed-drones-within-ten-years/83878/

  20. The gallery are ignoring Broomhilda’s instructions to hold their applause until the end of Bill’s speech. Good on them.

  23. TLBD

    Dutton with a big grin.

    Ah , so the bloody Russians are right . In Russia smiling at people you do not know is a sign of being a simpleton.

  28. Aguirre

    All cool 🙂 Anyway it be my fault for having a few reds and posting too often . That and being so impressed by Wild Bill’s speech .

  34. Liked the line “If you want an election, try it” On the front foot is the go.

  37. Bloody hell! Bill has left me gob-smacked! The MSM will have their work cut out for them trying to convince people that Abbott’s Budget is not a pig with lipstick now.

    There’s no doubt in my mind that Bill is growing in this job and has his sights on a better one!

  38. The ABC seems to have forgotten the shafting Abbott has just given them and is still acting as Abbott’s mouthpiece.. Bill Shorten makes his budget reply, the ABC spruiks an interview with him as an attraction for 7.30 and then, as soon as the speech ends, launches into a beat-up on the non-event HIP royal commission and Labor. Bastards. Turned them off.

  39. The foghorn leghorn is expected to reply to Bill’s budget reply this evening. I like the ‘foghorn leghorn’ tag for HoJo – bet it sticks like glue too.

  40. Sarah said Bill was going straight to an interview with her.

  41. Well, if it’s any indication, Bevan Shields from the SMH only paid attention to the tone of Shorten’s voice and nothing else. It’s about the level of analysis we’ll probably get from most of them.

  43. foreverjanice,

    That has got to be the best budget reply speech I’ve ever heard.

    Bill’s speech is more like the true believers, light on the hill stuff that has been lacking from Labor for some time now.

    If they keep hammering along these lines, then they will regain support from the likes of the so-called Howard Battlers that Labor lost in 1996.

    They had a flirt with Labor again in 2007 but drifted back towards the rabble due to divisions in Labor that to me, will always be unconscionable from both sides of the factional divide.

  46. I’ve got a better idea of Sarah Henderson’s MO after tonight. She’ll be after a scalp every time she interviews someone, but she won’t always present a sensible argument in pursuit of that scalp. She was pushing for a couple of commitments from Shorten – working with Palmer to force a DD, definitive opposition to Deficit Levy, exactly where the $10B of savings he opposes is going to come from. It’s smart interviewing, because it keeps the interviewee on their toes and drags them away from prepared statements and glib lines. But I felt she wasn’t actually listening to what Shorten was saying, or taking into account that a complete and detailed strategy for dealing with a budget isn’t whipped up in a couple of days. She prepares her questions well, she’s aggressive in demanding answers, but she’s not really any good at developing a conversation or understanding where the answers to her questions are leading. Still, way better than her immediate predecessors.

    Shorten handled her well. He didn’t rely on prepared lines, and he was able to back up anything he said.

  48. Sarah will show up deficiencies in the replies to her questions, like whatshisname on Tuesday.

  50. Why should Labor ‘pick up the phone’ and talk to Palmer? Palmer is a dangerous man and is not to be trusted. Labor should stay well clear.

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