Gift Giving for the Bewildered

Guest Author Uncategorized

The Pub is proud to present another cautionary festive season tale by Currer Bell our strictly anonymous Guest Author. The final excerpt from Bah Humbug! A Survivor’s Guide to End of Year Festivities will be published next week …

(Photo: Courtney House)

Here are some helpful hints which I have called Gift Giving for the Bewildered. That applies to most of us, as inspiration is in short supply at this time of year.

Men generally want to please the women in their life, which makes them the perfect target for hard-selling sales people. Those who assure them’ she’ll love this,’ about everything imaginable, from a wok to a camper van and accessories. So, do the guys a favour. Leave out catalogues or magazines with items you would like circled in bold marker pen and tell them that you have done so. With a bit of luck, you might get something you want and can use. Then your cries of pleasure will be genuinely meant, while the man in your life will have bought something that you actually wanted.

(Photo: Organic Natural Gift Guide)

Please don’t give the men in your life the usual socks and jocks which they have come to expect. Think more imaginatively. Of course you should have been listening for clues all year for those items they moan they need and have not got, but it’s not too late. Think experience – a plane flight, a brewery tour, a home brewing class, a paint balling session. Think fun, whatever their kind of fun is – concert tickets, footy tickets, Harley ride, hot air ballooning. Even think practical if you must, and buy the screwdriver set they wanted, or the more expensive version of a faithful old saw, or drill. Mr Practical will be delighted.

(Photo: Wikipedia)

Finally, this may be the year to deal with Old Uncle Killjoy. You know whom I mean – the relative who always moans about the commercialisation of the festive season and vows he doesn’t want any presents. Alright then, this year OUK gets nothing – not even a carefully-wrapped toothpick. Almost certainly OUK will spend most of the day weeping quietly in some secluded spot, but he will learn his lesson and will never EVER misbehave again.

(Photo: Washington University Political Review)

With confidence and some forward planning, the festive season can be fun for everybody and that includes the harassed woman who is usually at the centre of it. Absorb your seasonal lessons, what went wrong this year, and what went right. Plan to have an even better time next year. Oh, and a quick reminder – and never decorate your Christmas tree twice.

(Photo: HunterxColleen)

495 thoughts on “Gift Giving for the Bewildered”

  3. Vocational education and a TAFE scheme gets the Abbott Axe via yet another broken promise.This one has me even more hopping mad than I usually am these days because it affects my area. We need this scheme, as do the other regional towns affected, but we aren’t going to get it. The grinning fool in the photo is the National Party clown who took Rob Oakeshoot’s place. More about him later.
    http://www.theaustralian.com.au/higher-education/tafe-rescindment-heartless-farcical/story-e6frgcjx-1226786152800

  5. BK,
    It is the end of an era for you – congratulations on a job well done and a wise decision. It is also the beginning of a new stage (as someone suggested yesterday) – passing on your years of experience to the up and coming.

    And thank you for the links!

  6. Now – about the grinning clown, David Gillespie, former gastroenterologist, now the member for Lyne. If you have nothing better to do take a look at this bloke’s register of interests. He has amassed a lot of property and a lot of money through his private health clinic which he flogged off to Ramsay Health a few years ago.
    http://www.aph.gov.au/~/media/03%20Senators%20and%20Members/32%20Members/Register/44p/GK/GillespieD_44P.ashx

    For the last few weeks Gillespie has been taking out half page ads in the local paper – not the ones you have to buy, the free one that gets tossed onto front lawns all over the northern half of the electorate. His ads are titled something like ‘Early gains for Gillespie’ and list half a dozen things he claims to have done for us already. Every single one was a Labor/Oakeshott initiative, except one – lights for a tennis club, promised not by Gillespie but by Wazza Truzz during the election campaign. All the other items were funded in the 2013/2014 budget. Gillespie told us none of it could go ahead because Labor had not signed contracts. Then, miraculously, the government found ‘savings’ and Gillespie claimed all the credit for negotiating ‘new funding’. Cue large photos of Gillespie and his best mate Abbott shaking hands and looking blokey.

    Here’s what really happened. The funding for a lot of regional development projects was tied to the repeal of the MRRT. When that repeal didn’t get past the senate the funding could not be cancelled, as Abbott planned, instead it was still available. The miraculous ‘savings’ were not savings at all. They were simply funds that had been allocated and were waiting to be spent. It was a golden opportunity for the government to spin a stack of lies about savings and so fend off the angry criticism from regional Australia over cancelled and much needed projects.

    Gillespie has not commented on any of the big issues – he had nothing to say on his government’s plans to slap the GST onto relocatable homes, a huge issue here as we have many retirement villages full of these things. He had nothing to say about cuts to funding for the Pacific Highway. He has nothing to say on the higher education cuts. But when the extensions to the local hospital open next year, when the first sod is turned on construction of the new Charles Sturt uni campus, when the last bits of the Pacific Highway upgrade through Lyne are completed he’ll be at every single opening and sod turning, claiming all the credit for things he has had nothing to do with.

  7. Leone,
    You really do wonder about the brain power of the people in the Lyne electorate. After all the good Rod Oakshotte achieved for the electorate (and the nothing achieved by past tory MPs) you would expect the voters to be more discerning.

  8. foreverjanice
    Half of us have brains. The problems are –
    (a) the local farming crowd, to a man and woman dumb as a box of rocks, who vote National because their great-grandpappies did (back when it was the Country Party) and who would vote for Daffy Duck if he ran as a Nat, and
    (b) the hordes of city expats who flock up here to get away from the interesting mix of races in the city and bring their nasty, Liberal-voting racism and bigotry with them. They can’t vote Liberal here, so they vote National.

    If Rob Oakeshott had decided to run again it would have been a very close election with most likely, an Oakeshott narrow win. Gillespie won by default, really, there was just no strong opposition. Honestly, I couldn’t find a candidate I wanted to vote for this time. The Labor bloke is a lovely person, but was really just the token candiate and I was so pissed off with Labor then that I refused to give him the #1 spot. I eventually decided to vote for an indie who showed a bit of promise. All the rest were assorted nutters, PUPS and, of course, a National. An abysmal choice.
    .

  9. Well, my mother is now enrolled in the electorate of Kooyong, so there’s another vote agin Frydenberg.

  10. leone

    Another laughing clown, Angus Taylor, seat of Hume:

    We’ll never get anything done by those people. But people keep on voting them in. What can say?

  11. Tlbd

    Weekly backup to a USB-connected device, anyone?

    I’ve got two. One or the other always lives in a fireproof safe in the garage.

    ‘To be sure, to be sure’.

  12. leone

    because their great-grandpappies did

    My parents (farmers) were fairly indifferent to politics and I’m guessing voted for the Country Party for decades.

    Until sometime in the mid sixty’s when Al Grassby managed what was said to be impossible – a meeting with the Wheat Board for my father to talk about his wheat quota. Dad got up on the day and as part of it had to sign a ‘non-disclosure’ agreement not to ‘blab’ about the revised quota.

    He was a firm Labor voter after that.

  13. If you really want a good laugh, try this, from Shanahan. More man love than even Hartcher can summon in one place, at one time.

    The link is from Google, so you can bypass the pay-wall directly.

    Tony Abbott: model of a cool, calm and collected PM
    AS Tony Abbott prepares to jet away to France for his first real, personal and private holiday in years, it’s possible to think he almost regrets going. Of course he doesn’t, and going was an oath written in blood but, just the same, it is a measure of Abbott’s fulfilled ambition in becoming Prime Minister and his calm confidence in the job that it would be possible to think he’d rather stay and work.

    The quiet calmness he exudes, even in crisis, impresses and influences many who have come into contact with him for the first time as Australia’s newest Prime Minister.

    Even those who are politically opposed or at odds over funding, such as the premiers at last week’s Council of Australian Governments meeting in Canberra, come away impressed by his respectful and courteous demeanour behind closed doors. There is no shouting or bullying, last-minute agenda changes or long-winded lectures about him or his philosophy.

    There is also the clear impression that Abbott is having such fun he’d do the job for nothing.

    And much, much more hilarity…

    https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CC8QqQIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theaustralian.com.au%2Fopinion%2Fcolumnists%2Ftony-abbott-model-of-a-cool-calm-and-collected-pm%2Fstory-e6frg75f-1226787770334&ei=lNm0UvabJ6aYiAeZroGoCg&usg=AFQjCNGktW9DY5GmH0czYRgRqYLJ3divsQ&bvm=bv.58187178,d.aGc

  14. If I recall correctly wasn’t Peter Costello the guy who sold off our gold reserves at a bargain price?

  15. Question for Tech heads- If I have an expansion drive connected and my computer gets a virus- will it also affect the expansion drive?

  16. Catalyst,
    It certainly was. I’m now waiting with bated breath to find out which bankster is the lucky recipient of the Future Fund.

  17. “he’d do the job for nothing.”

    And who would pay for his mortgage? Shanahan?

    Abbott must be the most penny-pinching, mean and selfish man in the world.

  18. Yeah, Abbott really looks as if he’s having fun in his new job. He looks haggard and ill and, often, just plain scared. His increasingly hesitant speech, his refusal to be interviewed unless it’s pre-recorded and edited, and his constant running away from questions after a scripted presser indicate a mental health problem. A serious one. I suspect his ‘respectful and courteous demeanour’ is due to copious amounts of drugs.

    Abbott’s growing madness is also evident in his slash and burn announcements and his decisions, a few more every day, as vital services are ripped away, the economy and our international reputation are destroyed and our environment trashed. All simply because Abbott wants it done. He seems incapable of understanding the consequences of his actions. I don’t see a calm, collected PM, I see an insane, cackling idiot trashing an entire country simply because at last, he can.

    As for doing the job for nothing – what is Shanahan smoking? Abbott expects us to pay his expenses when he does yet another self-indulgent sporting event or bike trip with the boys. He still has that humungous loan to pay back. His wife is still going out to work to help the family bank balance. Abbott is a greedy little sod, he doesn’t do anything for nothing, he’s a serial rorter and if he can rort a few dollars out of being PM then that’s exactly what he will do.

  20. Catalyst,

    Question for Tech heads- If I have an expansion drive connected and my computer gets a virus- will it also affect the expansion drive?

    Depends on what the virus is designed to do, but the simple answer is yes.
    If you are using the expansion drive for Backup it is wise to only connect it for the backup process.and then disconnect it..
    If you backup with the computer infected you also backup the virus and therefore can re-infect the computer at a later date.
    It is good practice to run a virus scan just prior to doing a backup.
    Hope this helps.

  21. Agreed, Leone, Hunt has been a disgusting little sellout, at least equalling Turnbull’s huge disappointment. Both had or at least aspired to intellectual and humane objectives but have willingly trashed principles and the nation’s future for a tiny grasp of power. They ought to notice what it did to “Dorian Gray” Rudd and ask if it is worth it.

    The one consolation is that the price of coal is now falling so much that Clive’s Gallilee project may not be viable. As long as they don’t bugger up our water tables before they find out.

  23. So Clive’s got what he wanted.

    Waratah Coal has welcomed the Federal Government’s environmental approval of what could become Australia’s biggest coal mine, despite the imposition of 49 conditions to ensure protection of sensitive wilderness.

    The company, owned by Federal MP Clive Palmer, says the operation in Queensland’s Galilee Basin will produce 40 million tonnes of coal for export every year.

    The $6.4 billion project involves the construction of a 450-kilometre railway line, linking the thermal coal mine to a controversial terminal proposed for Abbot Point near Bowen.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-21/waratah-coal-welcomes-approval-of-galilee-basin-mine/5170912

  24. “One wonders whether Tony Abbott is doing Clive Palmer a favour now, because he is going to want some favours later on in the Senate,”

    I think that deal was done quite some time ago.

  27. I clicked on this link that looked like Craig Emerson’s tweet and a warning came up that it was it was an untrusted site. Does anyone know if this is true or not. DON’T CLICK ON IT UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I don’t want anyone to get a virus, but I am curious.

    Looks like someone has hacked Craig Emerson’s site.

    DO NOT ACCESS IT.

  30. BK

    Your heart must be breaking having to cut back your work. Your efforts will always be appreciated by those that worked with you. Many here have certainly appreciated all you have done.

    Had a great night last night, and found another Labor voter who is livid with Brandis, the raiding of the lawyers office re Timor Leste. Don’t feel quite so alone, there are four of us in this little town.

  32. Thanks Barry J I suspected as much- I am using it as back up – problem is my memory if I disconnect it, I probably will forget to reconnect.
    Maybe give myself a diary task to back up each week after a virus scan?

  34. Another Shanahan quote ‘ Abbott’s trip to Paris is his ‘first real, personal and private holiday in years’.

    No it’s not.

    Abbott has had real, personal. private family holidays at Berarra Beach on the NSW south coast for yonks – if ‘private’ means having a pack of your bikin’, surfin’, drinkin’ pals along too. He’s going back again after he returns from Paris.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/pollies-christmas-family-comes-first-20131215-2zfc8.html

    Abbott and Margie also flew off to Europe for a real, personal, private holiday in Europe in August 2011. ‘Years’ my arse.

  36. Catalyst,

    Agree with Fiona. Cursed memory, why can’t it improve with age like a good wine instead of the reverse.

  39. Fiona,
    Delighted that Mr Frydenberg misses out on another vote. He is smart, but an unworthy representative of Kooyong voters. Had a coffee this morning with a former politics tutor of his. The words ‘self centred’ and ‘devious’ were used as a character assessment. Not fit to even stand in the shadows of any of his predecessors.

  40. Fiona

    It was the first official thing we did when we moved here was change our enrollment details. Hope you have had a couple of good nights sleep, found hidey holes for your Mum’s treasures and all putting your feet up with a nice cuppa or glass of something.

  41. Al Palster,
    I couldn’t agree more: not even in the shadow of Andrew Peacock, the only two-dimensional human I have ever met.

    His mother, however, is delightful.

  42. Gravel,
    I’m beginning to surface. The drive was more tiring than I realised, largely because of the extra concentration required given the heavy load.

    The relatively few bits and pieces coming to our house won’t arrive until just before Christmas. We have started looking for a unit to rent, but so far everything has been horrid. OH and I are doing our best to persuade you that she’s not under either of our feet – far from it. We are also persuading her that it would be foolish to rent/buy the first available property unless it is as close to her ideal as possible. In the meantime, we have more than enough room for her, and once the singing part of Christmas is over OH will just have to set to and make at least one of the downstairs rooms properly habitable.

    A couple of glasses of Chateau Cardboard at 5pm each day helps a lot!

  43. CTar1,

    BK

    Done your bit.

    Thanks.

    I’ll shout him a Coopers on your behalf next Sunday. All the fire-bugs better stay home that day!

  44. After all, if one is to believe Abbott, he left the priesthood, because a mate was making lot of money, and he was jealous.

    This man would not cross the street, unless there was money to be had.

  45. scorps – Do so as long as you’re first and he’s not driving.

    So I owe you one as well as it works. I’ll not add it to the books as a debt, but rather an obligation.

    Enjoy your time in SA.

  47. Possibly get bargains before Christmas as agents and owners not happy to not have rent coming in for 1 month

  48. fiona

    A couple of glasses of Chateau Cardboard at 5pm each day helps a lot!

    Norty girl.

    It is a long boring drive these days.

  49. Billie,
    I’ve been trawling both sites but so far we are most unimpressed. We know exactly what we want, and there should be a couple of possibilities in our immediate area – which is what we want – it’s just a matter of waiting for them to come up. I would much rather she stays with us (and she seems happy to do so) until that happens.

  50. With Australia’s bushfire and cyclone season looming, the Federal Government has announced an inquiry into national disaster funding arrangements.

    Treasurer Joe Hockey will ask the Productivity Commission to look into what the nation spends on disasters and the effectiveness of current mitigation support arrangements.

    However, the Opposition says that is code for cuts to the emergency hand-outs given to disaster victims.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-21/federal-government-to-launch-inquiry-national-disaster-funding/5170992

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