Gift Giving for the Bewildered

Guest Author Uncategorized

The Pub is proud to present another cautionary festive season tale by Currer Bell our strictly anonymous Guest Author. The final excerpt from Bah Humbug! A Survivor’s Guide to End of Year Festivities will be published next week …

(Photo: Courtney House)

Here are some helpful hints which I have called Gift Giving for the Bewildered. That applies to most of us, as inspiration is in short supply at this time of year.

Men generally want to please the women in their life, which makes them the perfect target for hard-selling sales people. Those who assure them’ she’ll love this,’ about everything imaginable, from a wok to a camper van and accessories. So, do the guys a favour. Leave out catalogues or magazines with items you would like circled in bold marker pen and tell them that you have done so. With a bit of luck, you might get something you want and can use. Then your cries of pleasure will be genuinely meant, while the man in your life will have bought something that you actually wanted.

(Photo: Organic Natural Gift Guide)

Please don’t give the men in your life the usual socks and jocks which they have come to expect. Think more imaginatively. Of course you should have been listening for clues all year for those items they moan they need and have not got, but it’s not too late. Think experience – a plane flight, a brewery tour, a home brewing class, a paint balling session. Think fun, whatever their kind of fun is – concert tickets, footy tickets, Harley ride, hot air ballooning. Even think practical if you must, and buy the screwdriver set they wanted, or the more expensive version of a faithful old saw, or drill. Mr Practical will be delighted.

(Photo: Wikipedia)

Finally, this may be the year to deal with Old Uncle Killjoy. You know whom I mean – the relative who always moans about the commercialisation of the festive season and vows he doesn’t want any presents. Alright then, this year OUK gets nothing – not even a carefully-wrapped toothpick. Almost certainly OUK will spend most of the day weeping quietly in some secluded spot, but he will learn his lesson and will never EVER misbehave again.

(Photo: Washington University Political Review)

With confidence and some forward planning, the festive season can be fun for everybody and that includes the harassed woman who is usually at the centre of it. Absorb your seasonal lessons, what went wrong this year, and what went right. Plan to have an even better time next year. Oh, and a quick reminder – and never decorate your Christmas tree twice.

(Photo: HunterxColleen)

495 thoughts on “Gift Giving for the Bewildered”

  1. Leone

    No wonder they waited till today to announce this. They waited until everyone was out having Xmas breakups. I thought they weren’t going to sell anything to the Chinese. On that note, off to the son’s work break up.

  2. Why do I feel like laughing cynically? I’ve just received the following from one Nick Paine …

    I would like to extend my thanks to you for your continued support with the petition and throughout the campaign arranged by the ‘Save the NBN’ team. With the release of the strategic review this past week, unfortunately the government’s now current NBN plan falls short of what we are all striving for. However in saying this, due to overwhelming support from yourself, countless Australians and media, for the nations preferred FTTP/FTTH NBN model, the onus is now well and truly on the government and NBN Co. to not drop the ball going forward after an already questionable and shaky beginning since the election.

    It has been a much longer than anticipated road so I would like to thank you again for your ongoing support these past several months. While this marks the end of our petition, Alex and the ‘Save the NBN’ team will remain active and continue the fight. They can be followed via Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SavingTheNBN or via Twitter at http://twitter.com/savingthenbn

    Thank you again for your involvement,
    Nick, Alex and the Save the NBN team.

    I really hope this young person has learned that believing the propaganda does not necessarily lead to the “promised” outcomes!

  5. Curioz,
    I would like to get hold of young Nick Paine by the scruff of the neck and shake the hell out of him. The time to save the NBN was at the election by NOT voting for the lying team abbott.

    Fed up
    Seems the Drum panel are not impressed with their new govt – pity the buggers were blind as bats before the election.

  6. Mesma has an excuse to explain why she didn’t visit the actual camp parts of the Nauru detention centre, just the staff quarters and admin block. Her excuse? Her ageing, raddled ‘charms’ are so overwhelming to all those woman-hungry types locked up over there that she feared she’d start a riot.

    Foreign Minister Julie Bishop says she did not visit sites where single male asylum seekers are held on Nauru because she was advised it could disrupt the peace.

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/julie-bishop-says-mp-group-told-to-stay-away-from-parts-of-nauru-detention-centre-to-maintain-calm-20131220-2zpob.html

    However, the younger and far more attractive Sarah Hanson-Young spent a couple of days visiting the detainees areas including the one where the men charged with offences after the fires earlier this year are being held. No-one even tried to start a riot.

  7. leone,
    Twasn’t the bishop’s good looks that her advisors were afraid of but the fact that the detainees would be hard pressed not to wring her scrawny neck. SH-Y on the other hand, is sympathetic to their plight.

  10. Tlbd – Belco wouldn’t be Belco without the Rescue Helicopter flying low and fast from the N-W.

  14. leonetwo

    They were afraid the sight of Bish jnr the detainees would flee in terror lest they get a death stare .

  19. duck and others
    This morning I emailed our CFS Captain to advise her that I am unable to continue going out on strike team deployments to large, ongoing fires as I am no longer physically able to do the distance on 9 hour shifts under trying conditions. I found myself being quite emotional as I typed it out. I will still go out on small fires, structure fires, motor vehilcle accidents, trees down, etc.
    And as I type this post the following pager message just came through from out Group Officer.

    20-12-13 19:36:26 GUMG:MAINTAIN FFRS. TINTINARA IS A CONCERN. PRE PLANNING ONLY. FROM GO. – CFS Gumeracha Group Info

  21. BK,

    Each one of us knows (or thinks he knows) his limits. there are very few times when you should try to pass your limits.

    You strike me as one who knows exactly where he is at.

  22. kk,

    La cumparsita is a standard. I’m not too fond of his interpretation but he plays a mean guitar.

  23. BK

    You will still be a valuable member of the team. But I sort of understand how you feel. I was a sports guy and the time when I just was not able to foot it any more was pretty hard. Then came the satisfaction of having “been there and done that” followed by the joy of being able to pass on knowledge and mentor the up and coming. I’m sure you can teach the young bucks many a valuable tip and trick . Pass on your hard earned knowledge. Vote 1 BK from kaffeeklatscher .

  27. This little black duck

    Goodness me. You’d , well me, hardly recognise it as the same tune. I do see what you mean.

  29. Tim Wilson, our new champion of free speech, is busy blocking tweeters who retweet his ‘water cannon’ comment.

  30. Community radio gets the Abbott Axe.
    Federal Government Cuts $2.5 Million From Community Radio Funding

    Community radio has fought a hard-won battle this year, breathing a collective sigh of relief when the Federal Government pledged $6 million over three years towards rectifying a budgeting shortfall that could have mean the decimation of up to 37 community radio broadcasters.

    But following the change in Federal power following this past September’s election, the commitment to community radio no longer looks so secure.

    This past Tuesday (17th December) the Tony Abbott Government announced its Mid-Year Economic and Fiscal Outlook (MYEFO) report, which revealed a cut of $2.5 million in funding for “community based radio services,” a decision which the Community Broadcasting Association of Australia (CBAA)’s General Manager Jon Bisset has labelled “disappointing,” as The Music Network reports.

    http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/news/local-news/374307/federal-government-cuts-2-5-million-from-community-radio-funding.htm

  31. Just catching up after a couple of very busy days, so forgive me commenting on topics that were current some time back.
    First. Peter Costello! How come a bloke who is such a shameless self promoter and a equally self declared financial genius has never been able to get a job that wasn’t a political gift from conservative politicians.
    Second. Tim whatsi. How come a bloke who has spent much of his “working” life criticizing as wasteful and immoral being on the Government tit (albeit using the ABC as his preferred medium of communication), jumps straight on to said tit at the first opportunity.
    BK. Bravo to you for having the moral courage (along with your oft demonstrated physical courage) to take the step you did, and not force some poor buggar who would probably be in awe of you to tell you it was time to step back. I dip my lid, sir!

  32. “Community radio gets the Abbott Axe.”

    Let me guess… Christianity-based stations will get to keep their funding, but ethnic and minority-sector stations will suddenly find it much harder to secure grants?

  33. The Idiot and his merry band of idiot acolytes are going to release a large amount of bad news over xmas when no one will notice

    I hope labor are taking notice of what to do when they win next time.

    Trash Abbott
    No jobs for libs
    Heaps of jobs for labor folk
    Etc,

  34. kambah mick

    First. Peter Costello! How come a bloke who is such a shameless self promoter and a equally self declared financial genius has never been able to get a job that wasn’t a political gift from conservative politicians.

    Remember when he first got out of parliament.
    Not 1 of the big financial institutions would touch him with a barge pole.
    Smug,arrogant wanker.

  35. Joe above. The Costello thing has really intrigued me ever since he left Parliament. His big noting etc is very offputting, but he is far from the stupidest person to have left politics and looked for a job, and most of the really stupid ones ultimately get some job or other, but as you say the big finance houses treat him worse than a leper.
    You would think that some Lib friendly CEO of a bank or something would give him something, if only to preserve his reputation as the poor mans Keating.
    Maybe he is an even bigger prick than he seems!

  38. Leone,.

    Tim focussed on the one percent of the UN charter.

    Then he deliberately denied that one per cent.

    He is a veritable idiot.

    No wonder he is The Idiot’s choice.

  41. This little black duck

    The mark of Costello is the utter lack of job offers from the “Private sector” . Tells ya what even the tories think of the hammock dweller.

  44. Home after an end of year celebratory dinner at the lab. Good food, great wine, superb company.

    And so to bed.

  48. Good morning Dawn Patrollers.
    The NSW YMCA got one hell of a whack at the Royal Commission yesterday.
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/royal-commission-hears-ymca-nsw-care-is-not-child-safe-20131220-2zpp0.html
    Morriscum gets down and dirtier again on demonising AS. But he’ll be alright – off to his happy clapping church tomorrow for a session of talking in tongues to cleanse him!
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/new-rules-to-put-asylum-seekers-back-in-detention-20131220-2zqso.html
    “Big Balls” Morriscum executes a backflip.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/scott-morrison-moves-to-revoke-governments-freeze-on-protection-visas-20131220-2zp29.html
    Why do these religious hypocrites think and act as though they are above the law?
    http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/sex-abuse-victim-manny-waks-plans-to-sue-yeshivah-centre-20131220-2zr07.html
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/20/priest-sexually-preyed-girls-jailed

  49. Section 2 . . .

    “Direct Action” and all its offshoot policy announcements are going to really hurt CC efforts, not to mention the budget.
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/coalitions-coal-push-adds-hurdles-for-its-climate-plan-green-paper-reveals-20131220-2zqz1.html
    What a terrible waste of time and money was the Productivity Commission interim report on the auto industry. Absolutely NOTHING in it that was not known or knowable for many years.
    http://www.smh.com.au/victoria/productivity-commission-report-says-australian-car-makers-cant-compete-on-labour-costs-20131220-2zr04.html
    Abbott seems to have made up his mind.
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/20/toyota-abbott-uninterested-in-providing-asssistance-says-union
    The lazy, useless Patrick Secker has been appointed to the Foreign Investment Review Board. Another disgraceful appointment of Liberal duds.
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/dec/20/coalition-appoints-former-liberal-mp-to-foreign-investment-job

  50. Section 3 . . .

    Mike Carlton with a glorious pisstake of Abbott’s policies.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/why-dont-we-just-sell-the-great-barrier-reef-then-20131220-2zqif.html
    MUST SEE! David Pope on Mesma’s “fact finding tour” of Nauru and her subsequent specious comments.
    http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/david-pope-20120214-1t3j0.html
    Ron Tandberg with a very pointed contribution.
    http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/ron-tandberg-20090910-fixc.html

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