TOM LEWIS writes:
Damned inconvenient. Cricket on. You’d think they could spice it up a bit by losing the third test just to get the odds up a bit and increase the take at the gate. Yes, a double, m’dear.
Now, where was I? Don’t really know since I died, but what was it I wanted to say to you lot? Oh yes, ran into Jack t’other day and he’s got a few tidbits of a yarn. Apparently that wheat thing’s over. No James, the massage is at 3, isn’t it?
Um, where was I? Ah yes. Well, old Jack tells me he’s got another yarn and I’m s’posed to see him next week to get the guts of it. Dunno, really. There’s a Chrissie party on and were having a memorial for Harold Holt over at the Chinese down the road at the Cheviot Beach Club so we mightn’t get a chance to get it all down before this bloody mob close down for Christmas. Journalists. I ask you. Always the same: never let a good news story get in the way of a holiday.
Anyway, here’s the last bit Jack gave me about the wheat thing. Happy Hogmanay and we’ll be back in the new year or so. Have to rush – the massage was at 2 after all.
Love to all and remember: vote Liberal. They may be a pack of incompetent bastards, but they’re our incompetent bastards. Mud in your eye.
The Chronicles of Nadir
As told from the grave by Tom Lewis
Tale the First
The Scion, the Wheat, and the Cabinet
Chapter The Last
The Final Report
As clouds of smoke billowed around the Teak Table and the bush firefighters were gaining Labor [sic] pre-selection in droves, other momentous portents were occurring in the land of Nadir. While the snow melted and the water rose, rats were leaving sinking ships like a drawn treader and faster than the increasing drought could reduce stock numbers (or even numbats). Little Lucy’s husband was making a concerted push on the water front and had made so many feel-good announcements that she was, victory over the Lady Jadis apart, clearly flushed with success.
Meanwhile, on this side of the Cabinet, Little Johnnie, in a public relations coup the like of which had not been seen since Mrs Petrov was dragged screaming from a Lermontov airliner in Darwin, the coalface had been closed down as a gesture towards appeasing the lunatic fringe on global warming.
AW Board had escaped by the skin of his teeth and had them firmly sunk into the double board shuffle somewhere in the Channel Islands while his erstwhile colleagues slowly committed suicide pending their respective committals.
With the Christmas hols rapidly approaching, the children had spent useful time relieving the tension of their adventures by installing themselves on their respective thrones in the park outside the Goulburn RSL. Although it had caused a bit of a stink at the time, as is the way of these things, like the coalface, time heals all wounds and things are easily forgotten if not always forgiven or vice versa.
Alexander had become both Queen of the Faeries and Foreign Minister as a fully-fledged member of the Inner Cabinet (price $482 plus GST – the modern equivalent of 20 pieces of silver, or, a pound of flesh as it was known in Treasury, the portfolio the now enthroned King Peter had been given and the only kingdom he was ever likely to rule). As a further diversionary tactic a former Jewish journalist, and Middle East expert, Rosie Rosie (always a red’s red) had been appointed as ambassador to the newly created territory of Palestine, a traditional historical homeland the size of Monaco which now sat on a floating island half a kilometer above the ancient land of Brobdignag.
Queen Amanda, for her part, had become, well, slightly larger than she formerly had been in life, and was given extra responsibility as a new Australian Territory in the Great Southern Ocean about 50º 25’ E, 28º 45’S where she was now inhabited by a colony of lesbian sea lions, all of whom had passed the recently introduced dictation test, knew all about mateship, Australian values, bbqing in cold climates, and turkey basting as well as having promised to vote Liberal for the rest of their natural lives. The turkey basting had initially seemed odd and could have been scuttled until it was explained to Jeanette, a well known animal liberationist (after all she had taken Little Johnnie away from his mum) that there were no actual turkeys involved just a long plastic tube and a thing that looked like the business end of a Klaxon horn on a model T Ford. Jeanette had always had a soft spot for the model T and from time to time had fantasies about Corder and a dickie seat. She often had fantasies about dickie seats but that still hadn’t stopped THAT WOMAN getting pre-selection for Southern Highlands.
For Little Lucy, being a Queen was little different to being a Little Lucy really. After all, once one was born to rule, one was born to rule (although there had been a tad of trouble about that combined with being a Roman Catholic in 1688). Still, time heals all wounds, even being thrown over at your fist popular election as Lord Mayor for a bedraggled chook the age of Methuselah with the brains of a herring (and personal hygiene to go with it).
Mr Patel, on the other hand had struck up a clandestine correspondence with Mr Lodhi. Both were planning a break-out known to the law as an appeal. The thin-lipped veinless Ruddock had his eye on them like a, well, not like a hawke, (he, after all, was from the other side) but more like a Caldwell (come to think of it, he was from the other side as well but, it was an old saying: two Wongs don’t make a white and there was no point in playing with a Lodhi weapon.) Of course, every cloud has a silver lining and at least Mr Patel knew he didn’t have osteoporosis – he could now see the bones in his wrists for himself.
So, as the fire gutters and sleep draws on, gathering the loose ends as any good children’s story does, we find the four at the end of their particular adventure, returned from the Land of Nadir, blessed by the Scion and happily ruling over a grateful populace seemingly forever. Yet, while this is a children’s’ story, we live in an adult world with the dangers of war not yet receded. Home by Christmas becomes yet another casualty of realpolitic if not of a terrible war. In fact, in the time it has taken in the telling of this tale, the dangers only increased. ‘Tis but the way of the world (and of tedious, crude, laboured, Christian allegories) that the struggle never ends.
Unbeknownst to them, the children, Little Johnnie, Jeanette, Corder and all their fellow travellers were about to face their greatest challenge since the days of the Communist Party Case.
From the North, suddenly, unannounced, except by himself, had come the threat of Prince Crispian now allied with the Wicked Witch of the South, an evil, fire-breathing, unmarried, childless, whining, grating, gyrating, combinationalist, red both in hair and craw, Jules of the Galliard, who was to Dowland and courtly Elizabethan dancing what the rulers of the Peoples’ Republic of China had been to Tiananmen square. Suddenly, crocodiles were developing Hawke eyes.
Like the endless ebb and flow of the big bang cycle, force against force was aligned and the ever to be repeated battle loomed. Once more unto the breach, the mettle of their pasture was again to be tested: this time it would not just be about wheat.
THE PUB 
Of course, that pen between Bananas’ fingers could be a cunningly disguised stiletto…..and she could be feeling exactly the right spot between his ribs to stick it…….
Mesma enthralled:
“If I say so myself.”
Sure, he never toots his own trumpet.
“Maa Maa Maa Madam Speaker . . .”
Watching the end of QT with the sound muted, waiting for Amanda Rishworth’s MPI on $100,000 uni degrees – All I could see was the back of Abbott’s head. He really has very little hair left and that ridiculous glued-in-place comb-over – and comb-back – isn’t fooling anyone. What a vain little prick he must be.
A holacaust of jobs lost, says the Australiam Prime Minister. He’s actually quite scary.
Leone,
Taking tautology to new heights.
😆
“Holocaust”, Abbott? You pile of ordure!
Here’s Abbott’s version of the ‘broken promises’ claim: When he had his ‘expletive-ridden’ tirade at Wyatt Roy last year, the government had not broken any promises. Since then they’ve broken one, which was the ‘no cuts to the ABC’ one, and he’s glad he did because there hadn’t been any scrutiny of their funding for a long time, and it was found that they could manage on less.
So there you go. Young Wyatt was lying to him. He never does anything wrong, and there’s nothing to apologise for.
If the Speaker were a male, how would Abbott’s stutter sound? Ms Ms Ms ….?
aguirre
Me neither it’s just ‘yelling’ these days.
I watched an episode of ‘Death in Paradise ‘ instead.
The issue with the ‘holocaust’ line is not that he recognised having said it and subsequently withdrew and apologised for it. It’s the judgement of a leader who can come up with it in the first place. You can’t trust someone who does that. Who can’t trust someone who lacks the capacity to self-censor before he says things like that. It lacks diplomacy, and diplomacy is the number one trait you require in someone who is going to represent us abroad.
He’s unfit to govern. He’s unfit to sit on a front bench.
He really has very little hair left and that ridiculous glued-in-place comb-over – and comb-back – isn’t fooling anyone.
It’s the short cut on the side above the ear that’s a bit of a worry.
Missed QT but heard the NE worked hard on the zombie jihadi apocalypse scare. This morning he was briefed on the arrests by the AFP , looked like the cat got the cream.
When Abbott made that holocaust remark Pyne nodded in agreement and Mesma smiled.
The video is here –
http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/the-pulse-live/politics-live-february-12-2015-20150212-13cgme.html
It might not have been a slip. Abbott likes to shock and then apologise.
Better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.
It was no slip.
While it may have been a bit of a clanger I don’t think it’s the mortal sin (good Catholic concept, that) that many around here seem to think it is.
Little-h “holocaust” referes to death or destruction on a large scale, especially caused by fire or nuclear war, which seems fair enough given the context Abbott was asserting: mass unemployment (or employment death” if you like), allegedly under Labor’s watch.
And we all know what big-H “Holocaust” means.
One thing is for certain. Abbott sure is missing Peta’s gentle guidance. Fairly soon he’ll be starting to think that he can get along fine without her. He’ll be able to make “holocaust” taunts, and “Bernie Banton” slags to his heart’s content. As long as he can apologize for them afterwards, he reckons he’ll be on a good thing. The “Tony Abbott” of old…
It really is the completion of a circle, if you like.
First, he betrayed his colleagues with his Captain’s Picks.
Second, he betrayed the Australian people, with his broken promises and surprises foisted on them unsuspectingly… and bragged about it.
Third, he betrayed and abandoned his backers.
Fourth, be betrayed Rupert Murdoch (the Old Malignant One deserves a separate betrayal all on his own).
Fifth, it looks like he’s setting up to betray Shinzo Abe.
Sixth, the greatest betrayal of all, he’s getting used to life without Peta, he quite likes the shackles being off… can sacking her be far behind?
Abbott is roaming off the reservation. Soon he’ll be convincing himself that he can take on the cavalry all by himself, with his little band of schoolboy renegades.
Take cover when that happens. No-one will be safe then.
Maybe it is just the people I’ve hung around with but I can’t remember hearing anyone use the word “holocaust” in anything other than as in “The Holocaust” . It sounded such an odd choice of words that for a moment I wondered if it was actually a look over there diversion unicorn to distract from the subs shit. Just for a moment mind, remembered what an oaf he is.
“Holocaust” was a perfectly legitimate word before it got co-opted to mean “Hitler’s murder of millions of Jews”.
We really do need to loosen up on it a bit… or not.
bushfirebill
Yes it was co-opted but rightly or wrongly that has been the reality for some time. No more use in fighting it than it is for those who moan about how the word “gay” has been co-opted.
Words that are just descriptive at first, become pejorative. I’m thinking of “nigger”.
BB – that it got co-opted might be the issue here. It’s no longer a desirable descriptor.
We know that Abbott was reaching for the most emotive word he could think of. He chose an insensitive one. If he wants to defend it on the basis that it has other connotations, he’s free to do that. But I’ll bet that not even he would try that on. Not even Pyne would.
The “cloud house”.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-mid-wales-31410140
Abbott didn’t call anyone a “nigger”.
He used a perfectly proper English word, that has several meanings, one of them VERY recent.
“Holocaust” has been in our language for centuries, and before that in the French and Greek languages.
Strictly speaking it means to destroy by fire, but has come to apply to any mass killing or mass destruction. In the context of Abbott’s QT answer, I can’t see the objection. Just because the Jews claim to have appropriated the word for themselves doesn’t mean we have to oblige them. It’s not even a Jewish word (although it MAY refer to a Jewish sacrificial practice). Abbott’s use of the word was permissible and perfectly understandable as a metaphor for the alleged loss of thousands of jobs under Labor.
Concentration on the word instead of on what Abbott was trying to make out is dangerous. In actual fact he was wrong on facts. Unemployment under Labor was always lower than under Abbott’s government, Abbott’s claims to the be creating hundreds of jobs a day notwithstanding. THAT is what the Press Gallery and (it appears) Abbott’s critics missed: as usual he was full of bullshit, but gets away with it while we argue about a particular English word he used.
His *claim* was much more spurious than the word he used. But I appear to be the only one concerned about it.
Well, it seems obvious that the more the abbott tries to ‘change’ the more incoherent he becomes. All Labor needs to do is keep the noose behind him because he is incapable of moving forward; so it won’t be long before he back pedals at speed and has the noose around his scrawny neck. Watching the body language of those on the govt. benches, it doesn’t bode well for their prick of a leader.
It’s a bit like doing a “Charlie Hebdo” – hurting the sensitivity of a large group of people.
This is only Day #2 of Tony sans Peta. Imagine what he’ll be like in a week, a month!
We are witnessing the unravelling of Tony Abbott before our eyes. He’s shirked off the minders and the shackles. Now he’s on his own, believing that the REAL Tony Abbott is what so many people love about him.
Poor deluded fool.
Fiona
Thanks, I thought he’d actually admitted he was one of them or something.
BB
I have to disagree on the Holocaust use, it was just disgusting and can you imagine what any survivers think.
I think the govt backbenchers are eagerly waiting for a new leader.
BB
I wrote my last comment before I read you explanation, you have given me a lot to think about, and well picked about what Toxic was doing.
But, BB, Broomhilda has declared a number of ordinary descriptive words as unparliamentary.
For something a little lighter. An interesting pub,next stop the North Pole and a very unusual territorial situation. Even brew all their own beer on site, journo liked it.
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/travel/news/article.cfm?c_id=7&objectid=11399656
In August 2012 Abbott, trying to be appealing to female voters, said he had read two books that were supposedly aimed at women – Fifty Shades of Grey and The Bride Stripped Bare. I haven’t read either of them, they are not the sort of thing I like to read, but I have read enough reviews and comments to know that domestic abuse is pretty much the entire plot of Fifty Shades of Grey. Aut Abbott never mentioned that. He indulged in a bit of literary criticism about which book he preferred, although I doubt he had read either of them. At the time I wondered if it was another lie, like his claim to love watching Downton Abbey and then being caught out when he could not answer questions about the plot and characters.
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/mummy-porn-gets-political-20120803-23kif.html#ixzz3RVUpNc9Z
I remembered all this today because the movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey has just been released to a great deal of gushing, promoted as being an ideal Valentines Day (ugh) treat. Thank goodness a few people have not been so eager to praise this thing.
Lisa Wilkinson was very honest about her feelings –
http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/02/12/08/23/50-shades-film-sparks-debate-on-today
So was Rosie Waterland, a writer for Mamamia –
http://www.mamamia.com.au/rogue/fifty-shades-of-grey-review-rosie-waterland/
So what is my point here? Simple – a man about to be elected PM praised this book, saying more men should read it because it would help them understand what women want. Either he is beyond stupid or believes that women really do want abusive relationships. I know which option I believe – his record of indecent assault, violence and abusive behaviour, all involving women, speaks for itself. Abbott’s presence in parliament is a disgrace, Abbott being PM is somewhere way beyond disgraceful.
I have, for the first time in my life, felt the urge to commit a homicide.
The last time we saw Mesma consoling a parliamentary colleague, she was persuading Kevin Rudd to take a crack at the leadership. Well I hope Malcolm gets the same result
If Abbott did not provoke and antagonise Muslims by blathering on about ‘death cults’ at every opportunity and constantly demonising them then it’s likely Australian Muslims would not be wanting to follow any overseas rabble rousing. Abbott is a disgrace.
Sydney terror raid: Tony Abbott accused by Robert Richter QC of trying to influence judicial process for two accused
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-02-12/pm-says-men-planned-to-stab-necks/6087256
A good example of why Abbott is such a malignant force on Strayan politics. Virtually all the coverage I have seen has been about Abbott’s attack on the Human Rights mob for the report on children in detention. Surely surely ALL attention should be on the incredible suffering that was being reported ?
Any attention to the faeces thrown by the simian should come a distant second.
Richard Ackland looks at Abbott’s effort today re the arrests. “Hopeful” is exactly the word I thought of when I saw the video of this bit. Unfit for any position.
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/feb/12/justice-fairness-who-needs-them-when-weve-got-abbott-and-co
And if the polls continue the way they are he’ll make sure it will get worse.
No seats in doubt http://www.abc.net.au/news/qld-election-2015/results/
44 – 42 – 2 – 1
Antony Green on preference flows in the Queensland election and what might happen in NSW if Labor and the Greens abandon their old ‘just vote 1’ campaigning.
Huge Shift in Preference Flows at 2015 Queensland Election
http://blogs.abc.net.au/antonygreen/2015/02/huge-shift-in-preference-flows-at-2015-queensland-election.html
It really is all over for Abbott.
He withdrew his holacaust claim. But he was still yelling, still unyielding,still nasty and now presents without a shred of class, judgment or perception of common decency.
I know Tony Abbott. Have known him for years. Thought he was a pretty bright bloke, and a good bloke and a clever politician.
I was wrong. He is clearly not fit to be Prime Minister of this great country in this rapidly changing world. He’s a fighter for old conservative causes. He’s the Tea Party writ Aussie. He’s Rush Limbaugh and Alan Jones rolled into one.
If his political friends and Parliamentary colleagues don’t act next week to remove him, they are sending a message to ordinary Australians: it’s who we are, it’s what we stand for – so suck it all up.
Al Palster
So, in hindsight, any good stories that you won’t get sued for?
Al Palster
You are the first person I’ve read that has said they knew Abbott, liked him and thought he was a good bloke. I’ve seen plenty say he is clever and pretty bright. I was wondering if you would elaborate on the first sentence I have just written.
Puff, 2 Gravel
No scandals, no tell tale rumours. He’s had to live through personal issues that were made public by him some years ago. He handled the revelations and the scrutiny well.
But he’s a professional failure. That was my point. Simply not fit for purpose.
PvO says he has read the report on children in detention and reckons it is as critical ,if not more, of Labor. If so Abbott’s attack on HRC is even more scument than it already is.