The Scion, the Wheat, and the Cabinet – Chapter IX

Guest Author Uncategorized

If Malcolm B Duncan were still alive, I’d be asking him to direct his attention to Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There. As – unfortunately for us – he is now seated at the heavenly bar with Tom Lewis (when Claude the White Persian isn’t trying to resume its rightful position on the Leather Armchair), we will simply have to endure another excursion to the Land of Nadir …

(Image Credit: Steppin’ Up)

As the three, Peter, Amanda and Little Lucy, walked along warily with the Beavers, their feet became increasingly wet in the burgeoning slush as the snow melted around them – a bit like Good King Wenceslas without the Page, thought Amanda to herself. Peter was walking with a funny gait, having had the Field Marshal’s baton which he had always carried in his back pocket wedged firmly up his … well as this is a children’s story, let’s just say that sitting down was now a painful process, made all the more galling by the fact that it had been an own goal.

Further into the Land of Nadir, the Dwarf and the White Queen were gaining on the children as they came closer to the teak table. Ruddock, now incarnated magically as a wolf, loped along beside them, fondly recalling the interview he had sat in on with Mr Patel. Why the boss was having renovations done when Patel wasn’t even in residence remained a mystery to him, but he supposed at least it meant that Patel couldn’t object to the DA. Corder was off somewhere doing whatever it was that Corder did.

In a fashion which need not be described but could only happen in a magical land, the Lady Jadis had become aware through Alexander of a scheme to supply Australian wheat to the land of Nadir. A huge amount of it was now available as a result of a shooting incident in a place called Mesopotamia or something like that – and the terms were extremely favourable.

A scheme had been devised by Little Johnnie, the Cabinet Secretary, the Head of Treasury and a frighteningly clever accountant – the modern Nugget Coombs, A W Board. It was top secret and known only to its devisers as quadruple entry book-keeping whereby the wheat deal could go ahead to everybody’s advantage. As a young solicitor, Little Johnnie hadn’t really understood double-entry book-keeping and he’d left the running of the trust account largely to the book-keeper but this new system looked – well – almost too good to be true. Mr Board would supply the wheat to the Lady Jadis, who would then pay for it twice-over by way of Fruits of Office. Half the Fruits of Office went to Mr Board (after the deduction of a handling fee) and half went to Little Johnnie who could then offload them on office holders, friends etc., at whatever he could get for them. A number of boards were already interested and suddenly retirement was starting to become an attractive short-term option on his horizon. He’d even put in a DA on the house. Because it was an offshore deal, there was no taxable supply and no GST. The Lady Jadis sold the wheat in Nadir for faery gold which she then stored in a pot at the end of a Swiss rainbow in Jeanette’s name.

Mr Board’s crucial role, however, was to ensure that no-one was ever told about the scheme or knew anything about it. He was vastly experienced in these things, having already been sent on trade missions about which he knew nothing to places as far afield as Mesopotamia and Persia. Little Johnnie thought it was a pity that we didn’t have Imperial Honours any more, because Mr Board definitely deserved a knighthood for this one. The Treasury Secretary said it would be sufficient reward to put him on the Board of the ABC and make him a Governor of the Reserve Bank. Mr Board liked that idea very much as he hadn’t been sacked as a CEO for a long time and could do with the cash. He wondered whether the job at Telstra might be coming up. It should be, he thought – they’d appointed the last one months ago.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the cabinet, there was terrible trouble brewing because of some documents that had fallen off the back of a trolley in the Federal Court. The Coalface was flintier than ever, as a consequence of which Mr Board had been asking about the possibility of a position with Macquarie Bank. The last one had been taken by an actor named Booth who did incredible impersonations of Abraham Lincoln. His wife never liked the plays, though. That didn’t really matter, because it wasn’t actually his wife he was interested in.

Back in the land of Nadir, Sir Alfred Deakin was giving himself some advice (he had been Attorney-general, after all) and he thought, on balance, that there had to be some accounting. Unfortunately, he couldn’t count so he wandered quietly into the Otherworld and looked up Sir Garfield at the Club. Sir Garfield couldn’t count either, which was why he’d gone bankrupt although it wasn’t really his fault but, as this is a children’s story, we don’t really have to discuss the vexed question of whether barristers can continue to practice after they’ve been bankrupted. As they were pondering what to do, a terrible thing happened: Red Ted Theodore walked into the Club bold as brass as though he were a member. Before the shocked assembly at the bar could call for him to be thrown out Sir Alfred suddenly had a brilliant idea: if anyone could count it was Red Ted. In fact, if he remembered correctly, Red Ted could count to 12 just using his fingers. To avoid the inevitable nasty incident, Sir Alfred threw his arms around Red Ted and said, “Sir Edward, how delightful to see you. Will you take a little air on the terrace, and a pint of porter? I keenly want to seek your views on Wheat.”

546 thoughts on “The Scion, the Wheat, and the Cabinet – Chapter IX”

  4. ctar1

    Sometimes, it’s amazing what you get when you google translate. Still, it’s quite useful; you just have to add a bit of your imagination …

    Reply

  6. I’ve got a thing about Roman ruins going on at the moment.

    ‘Timgad’ in what’s now Algeria a current favorite –

    https://www.google.com.au/search?q=north+africa+roman+ruins+timgad&newwindow=1&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=nts&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=tsnyU4WCKZK8ugSSmoCoBQ&ved=0CCkQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=563

    Built ‘out in the sticks’ between 100 & 150AD and never subject to being overbuilt.

    The Berbers sacked the place 700 years later and the place was just left to the encroaching Sahara.

    While I checking it out on the net I come across this –

    http://www.yellowpages.ca/bus/Quebec/Laval/Coiffeur-Timgad/7623435.html

    WTF? Listed under ‘Men’s Hairdressers & Barber Shops in QC’ – should have been “Mens Harirdressers and Berber Shops in QC” for mine.

    😀

    Reply

  8. Fiona

    😆

    [f so, your courage is extraordinaire …]

    No. Just saying that I need ‘Translate’ to make sure I understand the subtlety of what gigi is saying (and she is very nuanced (and clever at it)).

    Reply

  13. The Prime Idiot has pissed off the Islamic council. Every day he finds someone new to offend.

    The Islamic Council of Victoria will boycott a planned meeting with Prime Minister Tony Abbott in Melbourne on Tuesday, saying his comments about migrants being part of Team Australia "indicated the meeting was a media stunt".

    Council secretary Ghaith Krayem said on Tuesday that the organisation was upset at comments by Mr Abbott on Sydney radio on Monday that "you don't migrate to this country unless you want to join our team".

    Mr Krayem told radio station 774 ABC Melbourne that the council had initially agreed to attend the meeting but pulled out after hearing Mr Abbott's comments.

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/islamic-council-of-victoria-to-boycott-media-stunt-meeting-with-tony-abbott-20140819-3dx8v.html

    Reply

  14. I thought Jaycee was the one with the courage last night. Was going to suggest he? could try Fifi.
    You know, double or nothing?

    Reply

  16. gigi

    And my nails are shorter than Bishop’s

    TG. But I’ve checked the deadlock anyway.

    p.s. On way in please be careful with your stick. I’d rather Ms Germany not take a hit.

    Reply

  18. leone

    saying his comments about migrants being part of Team Australia “indicated the meeting was a media stunt”.

    Bearing in mind that the Grand Mufti of Australia speaks no English at all, no matter what variety of domestic politician was proposed, would make much difference.

    Reply

  21. gigi

    I’ve taken 4 Prodiene Forte and 6 Diazapan since the threat loomed.

    I am ‘calm’ or comatose (both or either).

    Reply

  23. Fox

    Soon your fur will begin to smoke, then …

    Your intervention much appreciated.

    I may be out of ‘Female Wroth’ danger for the day.

    You possibly not so safe.

    I’m retreating to Timgad (minus the Berbers I hope).

    Reply

  34. As the revelations continue to flood from the NSW ICAC hearings into political corruption, you can’t help but get a sense the rot is about to spread. Ben Eltham explains.

    How long will the Newcastle donations scandal run? Judging by recent testimony to the Independent Commission Against Corruption: for some time yet.

    That’s clearly disquieting news for the Coalition, which is struggling in New South Wales under the strain of this year’s explosive evidence. ICAC revelations this year have already removed eight parliamentarians, the Newcastle Lord-Mayor and Australia’s Assistant Treasurer from political calculations.

    But it is the next round of ICAC hearings that must really have Coalition strategists worried.

    Read on: https://newmatilda.com/2014/08/19/nsw-icac-hearings-look-theyve-spooked-ponies-federal-stable

    Reply

  39. I just took Ben Eltham to task on Twitter for that Gillard and the 20 year old renos crap. Ben Eltham tweeted that I have misinterpreted him. I want to know why that rubbish is always brought up. What the hell more does FPMJG have to do?

    Reply

  43. First electricity bill just came in. While I realise it wasn’t a full period sans Carbon Tax, the net result was a $30 increase for the quarter. Not sure how this is going to play out in Western Sydney and I’m also not sure how much muzzy bashing is going to deflect from the anger when these clowns wake up that they’ve been had. $550 per year, or $112.50 a quarter seems a long, long way away.

    Reply

  45. Ctar1-if interested in Roman ruins British Open Learning has a free course starting September for about 6 weeks on Hadrian’s wall- I can really recommend the courses- having just done England in the Time of Richard 111- presented by Leicester University. I can forward more details via Fiona if you wish

    Reply

  48. ABC is busy saying how wonderful J Bishop has been in working behind the scenes with the Indonesian FM. Pull the other one – it plays Greensleeves!

    Reply

SPEAK UP FOLKS