Jim ….. a Character Study (Part 1)

Guest Author Uncategorized

Another tale from Jaycee – and I’m delighted to admit I’ve deferred to his judgment. He thought it should be a two-parter, and so it will be. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy!

(Image Credit: Your Story)

The story goes that Jim, on visiting the dentist to have his mouth-full of rotten teeth attended to, promptly told the dentist they would all have to come out…

“I’ll be the judge of that!” the dentist hastily replied. Then asked him to open up. “Good lord! They’ll have to come out!” and Jim smiled … not for the fact that he was going to lose all his teeth, but, you see, Jim was right again! He regaled us with this knowledge that same night at “The Cliff”. Jim was a specialist at “regaling” people with his stories, for that’s what they were – fictions of a very fertile imagination. But getting back to his teeth for a moment. It was a good job he attended to them when he did … he was fast losing friends from the mere sight of that “cavern of broken and blackened stalactites” as someone (I forget whom) once said: “It’s enough to put yer off yer finking,” someone else (I forget whom ) remarked (maybe it was Jeff Otto … it sounds like him!).

Jim was of dark-haired medium height, but he looked taller than he was through being rather lanky … he was one of those blokes who could hold their pint of beer and cigarette in the one hand while gesticulating a point with the other. He was always there on the fringe of a discussion, willing to make his contribution whenever he could … not by butting in, but by picking the right moment – for good yarn-spinning demands a damn good sense of timing – it is in using the accoutrements around one as props, like long-drawing on a fag, or pausing to lick the paper when rolling a cigarette, or polishing off the dregs of a beer and calling to Noela for a refill. It gives the listener pause enough to “get ahead”, in their minds, of the story-teller – but the story-teller is really always in control. Jim was a natural.

However, as much as I can make out, Jim’s career as the local bullshit artist began when he was employed with the district council on an unemployment relief scheme. Jim and his mate, Mark, with whom Jim used to board, were both working up near the old golf course, widening the road. A lot of the local riff-raff of the community were employed on these schemes and this project was no exception. There were a few members of the notorious “Barbarians” motorcycle gang working the same stretch of road as Jim and Mark. These “youths” were known to possess a rather cruel streak within their ugly facades of greasy, unwashed grottiness … otherwise, they were rather nice chaps.

One day at smoko, Jim decided to endear himself to the nearest “Barb’” with an example of his fiction. We’ll take up the thread at the ending:

“…Well, there I was – broken down truck, no food, no water, no road out … the middle of the desert … the middle of summer. I knew I was in a fix, so I started walking south … (a drag on his cigarette, slow expelling of smoke). I walked for three days, no food, no water … on the third day I was standing under a gum tree, resting, when suddenly an aborigine appeared before me. I thought I was hallucinating – I don’t know where he came from as there was nothing but desert all around – but there he was, a full-blood, dark as a pint of stout and armed with spears and things … (pause for meaningful reflection and another drag). I couldn’t speak his dialect and he couldn’t speak mine…he gave me a drink and some chewy-meat stuff, then we sat down cross-legged in the red sand and he drew some wriggly lines with his fingers which I took to mean water, and he turned his head to the sunset and pointed. Then he made three strokes in the sand – and sure enough, I walked three days in that direction and came across water.”

All through this extraordinary tale, the gruesome bikie was suitably impressed with Jim’s courage in the face of such odds and his calm demeanour in the retelling of the adventure, so that with every pause , he would punctuate the story with “Yeah!” or ”Really!?” and even a proud “Bloody hell!” so that Jim returned to work a hero in one man’s eyes – that is – until the bikie repeated the yarn (replete with amazed interjections) to Mark.

“Oh, he was just bullshitting to you – he’s never been further north than Wheatland Street !” (the street leading to the Seacliff Hotel).

“Yeah?” the bikie raged,” I’ll kill the bastard!!” It took Mark another half hour to calm the man down. Mark frequently had to follow behind to undo the damage that Jim innocently wrought. For, however outlandish his stories, he never meant any harm by them. They were, as I said, figments of a very fertile imagination.

But there was method to Jim’s madness. He would mostly relate these Munchausenish adventures to someone of influence …and as Jim spent a good deal of time in the clutches of poverty – and the front bar of the Seacliff Hotel – that “influence” usually centered around the financial capacity to purchase more beer, or as in the case just mentioned, a toke on a joint or two of “Barbarian” weed!

To keep up his supply of stories, Jim would clip out articles from newspapers to file away in this little notepad he kept he kept in a top pocket. Occasionally, he would be seen to write something in this pad, but never was he known to show anybody its contents. I suspect there was little to show, but was “played upon” to increase the mystery surrounding his person … there was a rumour (no doubt started by himself) that he was in Sth Aust as a kind of modern-day remittance man from a wealthy family back in Sydney. Jim would draw upon those clippings and notes with suitable embellishments to concoct another outlandish tale with himself as hero to impress whoever had the generosity to maintain supply …

An Example …

You may have read in the papers many years ago about the discovery, in the sea north of Darwin, a sunken Japanese submarine from the Second World War that contained a fortune in mercury. However, the Japanese government pressed for the wreck to be left alone as a war grave – which, eventually, it was. Well … a couple of evenings after that story broke in the papers, Jim had buttonholed some unfortunate, and was relating to him the details (between draughts of the old amber), of how he, Jim, and some others had dived for and retrieved canisters of mercury from a Japanese sub sunken out in St Vincent’s Gulf. “… if you follow that sunbeam on the water there straight out ‘bout five mile …” and sold it for a fortune which was used to buy arms for gun-running to Timor … oh!, pardon my slip, I forgot to tell you that Timor was at that time in conflict with Indonesia, which also made the dailies, and Jim’s notepad.

Most of these tales were good entertainment and people didn’t mind paying the price of a beer or two for such. However, Bruce (The Pinball Wizard) made the mistake of believing one of Jim’s creations and he never lived it down!

(Image Credit: Australian Traveller)

239 thoughts on “Jim ….. a Character Study (Part 1)”

  1. Section 2 . . .

    The former chief psychiatrist for AS detention gets widely praised for speaking out.
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/05/peter-young-praised-revealing-detentions-toll-asylum-seekers
    Peter Wicks with more on the Kathy Jackson soap opera.
    http://wixxyleaks.com/flame-trees-katrina-hart-starts-her-hsu-election-campaign-with-a-dull-thud/
    Senator Muir has had an eventful month.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/ricky-muir-sacks-second-staff-member-in-a-week-20140805-3d6d4.html
    Ross Gittins rips certain economic studies into the effects of the RET.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/how-the-renewable-energy-target-affects-the-cost-of-living-20140805-100izx.html
    More drinky-poos for Palmer and Turnbull.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/clive-palmer-and-malcolm-turnbull-meet-for-afternoon-drinks-at-the-hyatt-20140805-100tew.html
    Alan Moir casts Hockey as Robbin’ Hood. (I well remember the tax policy of the King in the Wizard of Id – Take from the wretch and give to the peer.)

    Cathy Wilcox refers to a recent article on the paucity of good political speakers I think.
    http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/cathy-wilcox-20090909-fhd6.html
    MUST SEE! David Pope with George Brandis.
    http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/david-pope-20120214-1t3j0.html
    A very good point is made here by Ron Tandberg.
    http://www.smh.com.au/photogallery/federal-politics/cartoons/ron-tandberg-20090910-fixc.html
    ABSOLUTELY MUST SEE! David Rowe and Abbott’s policy development.
    http://www.afr.com/p/national/cartoon_gallery_david_rowe_1g8WHy9urgOIQrWQ0IrkdO

  2. And from the Land of the Free –

    Judicial excellence Ohio style.
    http://crooksandliars.com/2014/08/police-arrest-wife-beating-judge-2300
    A long clip from The Young Turks on the carnage in Gaza.
    http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017207108
    Tolerance California style.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/05/jovanka-beckles-hate-speech_n_5651351.html
    Tolerance Nebraska style.
    http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2014/08/05/3467603/nebraska-drivers-license-same-sex/
    A CC denier gets schooled in science on the floor of the Senate.
    http://thinkprogress.org/climate/2014/07/29/3465442/whitehouse-blasts-inhofe-on-climate/
    Vindictiveness California style.
    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/08/05/calif-insurance-company-pays-elderly-hernia-patient-with-21000-in-coins-that-he-cant-lift/
    Forgiveness Louisianna style.
    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/08/05/louisiana-church-posts-video-of-standing-ovation-for-priest-after-child-sex-accusations/
    Abuse of power Florida style
    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/08/05/florida-cop-fired-for-taunting-hungry-inmate-with-french-fries-then-threatening-to-tase-him/
    Bill Maher with some future headlines. Hilarious!
    http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017207228

  5. I hope but have doubts that Australia will be smart enough to see through this pathetic display by Abbott. All he’s doing is trying to set up something for the electorate to hate other than him – the Fundamentalist Muslim, a decoy patented by Howard’s government.

    For crying out loud, 9/11 was 13 years ago. People aren’t whipped up into a nervous frenzy about it anymore.

  6. I’m sure JB said “terrists” on the radio this morning (i.e. Greens)… I’m hoping for a crackdown on terroirists.

  7. Operation Team Australia – Six months before the next election –

    **Shock**Horror** JIHARDI’S seek to return to Australia via Indonesia on **Shock**Horror** BOATS

  8. Abbott’s latest brain fart is not just about making us afraid of terrorists under the bed. It goes way beyond hating Muslims. There is a more sinister aspect in play. Survellance. If we are terrified of some mythical threat from ‘terrorists’ we can be convinced to allow unlimited surveillance of our daily lives.

    Did you noticce that the Prime Monster is going to give our spy agencies another $630 million more over the next four years? Have you been following the plans for data retention? Does the thought of data retention legislation being concocted by Messrs Turnbull and Brandis send shivers down your spine? Do you really want this government knowing every single thing you do online?

    Once again Abbott did not take his brainfart to cabinet before going public. Instead he talked to the Daily Telegraph. Cabinet members were shocked. The words ‘gone rogue’ have been used.
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/05/data-retention-proposal-revealed-to-media-before-cabinet

    Here’s more –

    What exactly will be kept?

    It’s called metadata. For a phone call, metadata is mostly just a record of who you call and for how long.

    But when it comes to the internet, a lot more is stored, and it’s really quite scary:

    ● Every email you send and to whom, what time, where you sent it and the subject of it.

    ● The location you took a photo, the settings you took the picture with and the camera model

    ● All the information you post about yourself on social media plus when, where and how long you were logged in

    ● What you searched for on Google, the results that appeared and the sites you eventually clicked on

    ● The web pages you visit, when you visited those pages, hardware details about your computer and even login details if you use auto-fill password features.

    Metadata can already be accessed without a warrant for criminal and intelligence investigations, but monitoring of internet or telephone use over a period of time requires a warrant from the attorney-general

    http://www.news.com.au/technology/online/big-brother-is-watching-why-the-government-wants-to-keep-your-metadata/story-fnjwnfzw-1227014368716

  9. I can picture the ad campaign now.

    *Karl Stefanovic is trying to look concerned and patriarchal as he speaks to the camera, but failing since he’s a swaggering dickhead*

    “Terrorism has changed the world and Australia is not immune. With terrorists destroying Iraq and Syria, it’s only a matter of time before they set their sights here”

    *cut to Abbott, Brandis and Bishop*

    “The Abbott Government is introducing changes to anti-terrorism laws to fight this, keeping our Austraaaayan way of life safe. That’s all you need to know”

    *cut to darkened bedroom with child sleeping*

    “And if good little Austraaaayan christians don’t vote for Tony, Achmed Allah Ackbar and Hajib Niqab Burqa will jump out of your childrens wardrobes, *Two men wearing teatowels and carrying AK-47’s enter* try and mutilate your daughters’ genitals…

    *cut to a frightened traditional nuclear family being tied up in their living room*

    “…And force you to accept Sharia Law and convert to joyless fundamentalist islam, or else suffer the fate of all infidels”

    *cut to black, gunshot, cut back to Karl*

    “Be alert but not alarmed”

  10. If one was to step back a tad and look at what the govt’ has had to backtrack on because of public opinion..you could well say that social policy has more than overuled pragmatic policy so far in this govt’…..could this be seen that the right-wing of society has been crushed by left-wing principles that are inherent in our egalitarian society?

  11. kirsdarke – And George will be out there saying that Achmed Allah Ackbar and Hajib Niqab Burqa are really, really bad people because they’re bigoted and that’s against the law.

  14. https://twitter.com/smurray38/status/496800957091414017

    http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/dont-let-ray-hadley-run-nsw-says-former-state-attorneygeneral-greg-smith/story-fni0cx12-1227014686197

    http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/industrial-relations/another-58000-in-union-funds-paid-to-kathy-jacksons-exhusband/story-fn59noo3-1227014733381
    Try the link in the tweet first

    http://www.afr.com/p/national/professional_services/international_student_does_accounting_sECZZM0V5pO7Aagiu0AN5O

    http://honisoit.com/2014/08/young-libs-exposed-the-ambition-faction-the-left-and-the-uglies/

  16. This morning I caught up with last evening’s Pub contributions and so read the excellent piece by Kambah Mick. As so often he was/is spot on – bot in content and the way he writes.

    At the moment I’m reading Greg Combet’s “The Fights of my Life”; it’s very interesting. His early retirement from politics was a big loss to Australia; his loyalty to his leader was and is the mark of what a Labor rep should be about.

  17. CTar1

    Read an interview with a rebel commander who was asked about recent government gains. Bluntly said “tanks are no good in cities. We will be on every corner.” . Stalingrad got a run of course.. Reckoned even if pushed out of the main cities “We will move to the next phase , fighting as partisans”. Not a good prospect for anyone.

    Then of course General Winter cannot be too far off in that part of the world. The AFP chaps at the MH17 site will need their long johns and mittens.

  18. kk

    Things are a mess at the moment. I posted this across the walkway earlier:

    Mosul is a real concern at the moment. ISIL are trying to take over the hydroelectric scheme Mosul Dam (filled by the Tigris River). It is Iraq’s’ largest dam and has been rated as the most unstable dam in the world.

    “… a sudden collapse of the dam would flood Mosul under 65 feet (20 m) of water and Baghdad, a city of 7 million, to 15 feet (5 m), with an estimated death toll of 500,000.” (Wiki ‘Mosul Dam’)

    ISIL are mad enough to do this.

  21. leonetwo

    Normal transmission will be resumed shortly once Wazza returns to the bosom of his 1% mates in Sydney town.

  23. Interesting point. Overall he makes sense. But he’s a bit like Abbott. He tells them what they want to hear but then betrays them.

    To applause from some in the audience, Mundine said he believed Indigenous children needed to be taught in their first language.

    “That means a lot of resources,” he said.

    It was “not like being taught French … language defines who you are and people don’t quite get that”.

  28. Good!

    Brian Loughnane, Fed Lib head, now dumped into the mix. Email suggests he was aware of banned donors using Free Enterprise to donate #icac— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) August 6, 2014

  29. And gooder

    Brian Loughnane, Fed Lib head, now dumped into the mix. Email suggests he was aware of banned donors using Free Enterprise to donate #icac— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) August 6, 2014

  30. Ooops!

    Also ominous for the Libs is that Simon McInnes, current state finance director, has been – in the words of Watson – "most helpful" #icac— Kate McClymont (@Kate_McClymont) August 6, 2014

  31. Corruption in China:

    Not that the anti-graft campaign is necessarily encouraging open and transparent behaviour. In Sihong county in Jiangsu province this month, authorities panicked when they heard that inspectors from the central government were coming. Having illegally converted farmland into highways, the bureaucrats carted in lorryloads of soil overnight to cover them up. Photos of the buried roads, now planted with soyabeans, have since become something of a hit around the country.

    http://www.economist.com/news/china/21610316-weighing-economic-impact-anti-corruption-campaign-anti-graft-anti-growth

  32. This guy Simon who, with many others of his ilk, is to be caught in the ICAC net, has stolen the family patronymic.

  36. Duckman,
    Yes, he and the bloke that misbehaved at David Jones, are expelled. Me and the actor guy will look after it very well and we don’t want contamination.

    (Smiley picture – wot I can’t do)

  40. kk – The North Korean has turned into an Italian woman who looks like she’s rushing off to a Cocktail Party immediately after reading the News.

  42. For some time now I have been desultorily conducting research into my family history, and in so doing have become something of a self proclaimed expert on local history back where I was born and raised. As a consequence I have occasionally been approached by other people and some organisations to put together articles on the local history of that area, and so I was recently asked to do a story on the effects of WW1 on my area.
    As always when delving into history there is a sense of deja vu fluttering over your shoulder, and so it is now with the Government and its more dingbattish supporters bewailing the state of the nation with “Jihadis” setting off in support of our enemies etc etc. Back then the red rags were frothing about the existence of German immigrants, Afghans and Irish fenians in our midst being a danger to the very fabric of our civilization. Our area didn’t have any of the first two categories, but was composed of about 90% Irish Catholics, many of them Irish born who came here as children in the 1840s and 50s.
    My mothers clan were in that category. There were still about a dozen Irish born members still alive during the period of the war, and as they had notably prospered as farmers and investors since settling many of their descendents had had the opportunity to travel back to Tipperary to visit remaining family.
    None of my mothers clan volunteered for service during WW1. Three were interned for sedition, two at least farcially so. (There was a visiting Irish priest who had made a name for himself criticizing the treatment of internees in Ireland. He was reluctantly granted a visitors visa to visit relatives in Australia on the proviso that he not speak to any “crowd” of non family members. He celebrated Mass one day, the Parishioners waited outside the Church afterwards to speak to him, the Police got antsy, scuffles broke out, two of my uncles and some other people were arrested and the Priest deported).
    Apart from providing copy for newspapers and talking points for Politicians no one remembers now, none of the scary “foreign forces within” caused any real damage to Australia, especially when compared to the damage wrought by the gung ho patriots. Except for the famous case of the couple of Afghans who ambushed the Broken Hill picnic train of course. And so it will be with the “Jihadis”. They are doing no more than several generations of immigrant families have done, from Americans during their Civil War, British at the time of the Boer war, the Spanish civil war, various Balkans wars etc etc,. And, unmentionably, Israelis going off to fight for their relatives homeland.
    As always with political scare campaigns this is much ado about nothing. But with an enormous price tag. Whats the use of a scare campaign if you cant make money out of it?

  43. Danny Lewis and I have just come from Crikey Whiteys service. A wonderful much loved lady. Now Bk us joining us at the Espy for a farewell lunch.

  45. http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/icac-hears-that-liberal-party-boss-brian-loughnane-knew-of-developer-donations-going-through-federal-channels-20140806-100vlc.html#ixzz39a5nIa9x

    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/06/frances-abbott-scholarship-former-worker-is-charged-with-data-breach

    http://www.crikey.com.au/2014/08/06/essential-post-election-rebound-lifts-trust-in-media-from-the-deep/

  46. Wow, that was quick.

    Overseas call just received. An Indian accented voice (female) tells me there’s something wrong with my computer. It is about to crash with all data on the hard drive hopelessly lost. I need to turn it on immediately and log on to some web site so I can see the “errors” that her company is “receiving” whenever I log my computer onto their server.

    Yada, yada, yada….

    I was quite enjoying all this, Even asked her which of our two computers it was (she didn’t know) and which ISP was she involved with (“Your ISP, sir. It goes under different names in different countries.”), how did she get my phone number (“Well sir, it is on my database”), and did she know my name (“Sir I only know you computer number”, “And what is that?”, “I cannot reveal the number sir, that is confidential until you can prove you are the computer owner”), but eventually had to say, “Let me tell you something. Yesterday in the newspaper there was an article that informed me about calls just like yours and—-”

    Beep-beep-beep-beep….

    Not that I’d ever respond to a call or email like this – the oldest truism is: “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” – but I guess enough people do, to keep rackets like this one profitable.

    Most exciting thing that’s happened today.

  47. First Crikey article free, next two paywalled.

    http://www.crikey.com.au/2014/08/06/i-hit-back-and-told-people-to-get-fucked-mike-carlton-explains-why-he-quit/

    http://www.crikey.com.au/2014/08/06/data-retention-may-include-facebook-and-twitter/

    http://www.crikey.com.au/2014/08/06/rundle-preference-whisperer-alleges-backstabbing-and-dysfunction-behind-ricky-muir/

  49. BB,
    Got one of those on Monday. I had quite a bit of fun with him (Sheldon Cooper would have referred to him as “Dave from Wichita”). I asked him for a reference. “Of course,sir”. I then asked him to identify me which he – a bit disconcerting until I realised he would have got that from the phone book. At that point I asked him to tell me what the problem was – he would only say that some files were downloaded “in the past couple of months” . I then said I would make some checks and get back to Telstra myself. I asked him for that ref again and got two digits plus bip bip bip

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