Jim ….. a Character Study (Part 1)

Guest Author Uncategorized

Another tale from Jaycee – and I’m delighted to admit I’ve deferred to his judgment. He thought it should be a two-parter, and so it will be. Meanwhile, sit back and enjoy!

(Image Credit: Your Story)

The story goes that Jim, on visiting the dentist to have his mouth-full of rotten teeth attended to, promptly told the dentist they would all have to come out…

“I’ll be the judge of that!” the dentist hastily replied. Then asked him to open up. “Good lord! They’ll have to come out!” and Jim smiled … not for the fact that he was going to lose all his teeth, but, you see, Jim was right again! He regaled us with this knowledge that same night at “The Cliff”. Jim was a specialist at “regaling” people with his stories, for that’s what they were – fictions of a very fertile imagination. But getting back to his teeth for a moment. It was a good job he attended to them when he did … he was fast losing friends from the mere sight of that “cavern of broken and blackened stalactites” as someone (I forget whom) once said: “It’s enough to put yer off yer finking,” someone else (I forget whom ) remarked (maybe it was Jeff Otto … it sounds like him!).

Jim was of dark-haired medium height, but he looked taller than he was through being rather lanky … he was one of those blokes who could hold their pint of beer and cigarette in the one hand while gesticulating a point with the other. He was always there on the fringe of a discussion, willing to make his contribution whenever he could … not by butting in, but by picking the right moment – for good yarn-spinning demands a damn good sense of timing – it is in using the accoutrements around one as props, like long-drawing on a fag, or pausing to lick the paper when rolling a cigarette, or polishing off the dregs of a beer and calling to Noela for a refill. It gives the listener pause enough to “get ahead”, in their minds, of the story-teller – but the story-teller is really always in control. Jim was a natural.

However, as much as I can make out, Jim’s career as the local bullshit artist began when he was employed with the district council on an unemployment relief scheme. Jim and his mate, Mark, with whom Jim used to board, were both working up near the old golf course, widening the road. A lot of the local riff-raff of the community were employed on these schemes and this project was no exception. There were a few members of the notorious “Barbarians” motorcycle gang working the same stretch of road as Jim and Mark. These “youths” were known to possess a rather cruel streak within their ugly facades of greasy, unwashed grottiness … otherwise, they were rather nice chaps.

One day at smoko, Jim decided to endear himself to the nearest “Barb’” with an example of his fiction. We’ll take up the thread at the ending:

“…Well, there I was – broken down truck, no food, no water, no road out … the middle of the desert … the middle of summer. I knew I was in a fix, so I started walking south … (a drag on his cigarette, slow expelling of smoke). I walked for three days, no food, no water … on the third day I was standing under a gum tree, resting, when suddenly an aborigine appeared before me. I thought I was hallucinating – I don’t know where he came from as there was nothing but desert all around – but there he was, a full-blood, dark as a pint of stout and armed with spears and things … (pause for meaningful reflection and another drag). I couldn’t speak his dialect and he couldn’t speak mine…he gave me a drink and some chewy-meat stuff, then we sat down cross-legged in the red sand and he drew some wriggly lines with his fingers which I took to mean water, and he turned his head to the sunset and pointed. Then he made three strokes in the sand – and sure enough, I walked three days in that direction and came across water.”

All through this extraordinary tale, the gruesome bikie was suitably impressed with Jim’s courage in the face of such odds and his calm demeanour in the retelling of the adventure, so that with every pause , he would punctuate the story with “Yeah!” or ”Really!?” and even a proud “Bloody hell!” so that Jim returned to work a hero in one man’s eyes – that is – until the bikie repeated the yarn (replete with amazed interjections) to Mark.

“Oh, he was just bullshitting to you – he’s never been further north than Wheatland Street !” (the street leading to the Seacliff Hotel).

“Yeah?” the bikie raged,” I’ll kill the bastard!!” It took Mark another half hour to calm the man down. Mark frequently had to follow behind to undo the damage that Jim innocently wrought. For, however outlandish his stories, he never meant any harm by them. They were, as I said, figments of a very fertile imagination.

But there was method to Jim’s madness. He would mostly relate these Munchausenish adventures to someone of influence …and as Jim spent a good deal of time in the clutches of poverty – and the front bar of the Seacliff Hotel – that “influence” usually centered around the financial capacity to purchase more beer, or as in the case just mentioned, a toke on a joint or two of “Barbarian” weed!

To keep up his supply of stories, Jim would clip out articles from newspapers to file away in this little notepad he kept he kept in a top pocket. Occasionally, he would be seen to write something in this pad, but never was he known to show anybody its contents. I suspect there was little to show, but was “played upon” to increase the mystery surrounding his person … there was a rumour (no doubt started by himself) that he was in Sth Aust as a kind of modern-day remittance man from a wealthy family back in Sydney. Jim would draw upon those clippings and notes with suitable embellishments to concoct another outlandish tale with himself as hero to impress whoever had the generosity to maintain supply …

An Example …

You may have read in the papers many years ago about the discovery, in the sea north of Darwin, a sunken Japanese submarine from the Second World War that contained a fortune in mercury. However, the Japanese government pressed for the wreck to be left alone as a war grave – which, eventually, it was. Well … a couple of evenings after that story broke in the papers, Jim had buttonholed some unfortunate, and was relating to him the details (between draughts of the old amber), of how he, Jim, and some others had dived for and retrieved canisters of mercury from a Japanese sub sunken out in St Vincent’s Gulf. “… if you follow that sunbeam on the water there straight out ‘bout five mile …” and sold it for a fortune which was used to buy arms for gun-running to Timor … oh!, pardon my slip, I forgot to tell you that Timor was at that time in conflict with Indonesia, which also made the dailies, and Jim’s notepad.

Most of these tales were good entertainment and people didn’t mind paying the price of a beer or two for such. However, Bruce (The Pinball Wizard) made the mistake of believing one of Jim’s creations and he never lived it down!

(Image Credit: Australian Traveller)

239 thoughts on “Jim ….. a Character Study (Part 1)”

  1. Tricky situation for male workers:

    Male nursery workers also suffer from mockery and sometimes worse.

    “People tease me when I talk about my job,” said one worker to Schweiz am Sonntag.

    In July 20 Minutes reported the case of a 16-year-old nursery intern who was sacked after being suspected of inappropriate behaviour with the children.

    Despite being cleared, the intern’s fellow male colleagues decided to resign for fear of being similarly accused.

    At the time Kibesuisse confirmed to 20 Minutes that men are often suspected of being potential sexual aggressors.

    http://www.thelocal.ch/20140804/switzerland-seeks-more-male-nursery-workers

  7. It really is frightening how much Abbott looks like Murdoch when he’s wearing those ACME Gravitas Glasses.

  9. ” It really is frightening how much Abbott looks like Murdoch when he’s wearing those ACME Gravitas Glasses.”
    Geez!….Old Bronnie Bish’ musta gone through a few “Poliical Lovers” then…not only JWH.!

  12. More good news for Abbott and Grunt.

    Worse news for Australia as India taps solar, Beijing bans coal

    As Australia’s federal government commits to a future digging up, burning and most of all exporting the nation’s vast coal resource, two of the countries upon which this shaky economic plan is most dependent – India and China – look to be closing the door on the heavy polluting fossil fuel

    http://reneweconomy.com.au/2014/worse-news-for-australia-as-india-taps-solar-beijing-bans-coal-66423

  13. I’m still laughing at this line.

    That said, and though he doesn’t let on in this article, Berg watching the current Coalition government botch his agenda must be a bit like watching that Monty Python skit where The Gumbys do The Cherry Orchard.

  15. Kirsdale

    Alright you made me , here’s The Cherry Orchard from the LP. Goodness it does sound like the coalition.

  19. You wonder where in hell do they get these “blow-offs” from..I mean , look at them..Berg, Wilson, Pyne, Hunt, Abetz, Dutton, Joyce…you could name almost the bloody lot of them!…truly, is there a serious tradesman / working businessman here or amongst the lurkers would seriously hire anyone of those listed to do a responsible job for you?….CHRIST!….leave them with a circular saw, and I wouldn’t feel safe being in the same room with them!………..you; Joe..would you trust any of them in charge of one of your rigs?….and Bushfire…would you like one of them to fine polish a lens for you?…..and you Janice…how about letting one of them make a decision on how to run the farm?….what a laugh…what a joke they are…right down to the very back-bench…tossers..the lot!

  21. So exactly what does Chris Berg DO? How does he earn a crust?

    His own website says he has written two books (neither of them best sellers) and has edited two more. He writes for The Drum and gets his work into other papers. And – well there’s nothing else. not a thing, except the IPA. Two lousy books and some newspaper columns? Is that all? The IPA must pay really, really well.
    http://chrisberg.org/

    It might be time for someone to investigate the IPA’s charity status……..oh, hang on. Didn’t Abbott recently introduce legislation tt axe the very body that used to do that sort of thing? No wonder……
    http://www.ncoss.org.au/content/view/6487/111/

    http://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Bills_Legislation/Bills_Search_Results/Result?bId=r5202

  22. Leone,

    It might be time for someone to investigate the IPA’s charity status

    It’s more than high time, and I’ve been banging on about it here and elsewhere for ages (as have many others).

  23. http://andrewelder.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/reset.html

    http://nofibs.com.au/2014/08/05/time-for-mediaalliance-to-take-charge-of-secret-tapes-ethics-debate-by-margokingston1-mediamargo/

    http://www.themandarin.com.au/e-voting-ready-next-federal-election-polling-days-digital-revolution-will-cctvd/?pgnc=1

    http://www.kingstribune.com/index.php/surfdom/item/2066-so-called-populism-and-the-lesson-abbott-is-likely-to-learn

    http://www.zdnet.com/turnbull-ignores-looming-nbn-disaster-as-scales-weighs-in-7000032317/

  26. The latest Ipsos Mind & Mood spotlight report on Consumer Sentiment post the Federal Budget is now available. I think this is the one Fairfax reported on a week ago. Worth a look.

    http://ipsos.com.au/mind-mood-spotlight-report-consumer-sentiment-post-federal-budget/

    Mind & Mood spotlight report – Consumer Sentiment post federal budget
    August 5, 2014

    During the fieldwork for our report Private Label, Premium Brand we asked our groups how they were feeling about their economic situation and the economy in general since the federal budget was announced in May 2014. This spotlight report summarises the findings.

    Click to access MM-spotlight-report-Consumer-Sentiment-post-federal-budget.pdf

  27. Much weeping, gnashing of teeth, blood-oath-never-to-vote-Liberal-agains, and renting of garments going on at Bolt’s blog right now.

    What gets me is the constant myth that “With Tony Abbott, you always know where you stand.”

    18C has swept the draconian terrorism laws off the front page and off the news bulletins. This is the biggest back-down since Moses took the ferry.

    The gutless Abbott, who swore to Bolt on the day he lost his court case, that he’d repeal 18C, has let down his biggest fanboy and all Bolt’s fanboiz in turn. Some of the comments are fabulous.

    It’s gutless betrayal, and Abbott even bragged that it was his decision alone. In his desperation to be seen as a leader, he dobbed himself in as a political wimp and traitor to those who trusted him.

    Oh well, poor Bolt will have to consider his position. He’s been done over by Abbott, just like Bernie Banton, the Chinese Premier, Peter Reith, SBY, Malcolm Turnbull and the world’s most resilient bouncing beach dummy, Joe Hockey… not to mention the Australian people who swallowed the Abbott blarney, hook, line and sinker.

    Next up all the luvvies who thought they were going to get a free ride with Abbott’s insane PPL scheme. Then the Mums and Dads who believed in the Education “Unity Ticket”. The list of Abbott victims goes on and on.

    The only thing he said that turned out to be true was “No surprises”. To those who sussed him, there haven’t been any.

    To the mugs who believed him, hard cheese, guys and gals.

  28. Ricky Muir sacks second staff member in a week

    Mr Breen took Thursday and Friday off last week to have a skin cancer cut from his face at Sydney’s Westmead Hospital.

    But after Senator Muir and Mr Littler discovered he had then flown to Byron Bay on Friday afternoon to attend last weekend’s Byron Bay Writer’s Festival, he was sacked

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/ricky-muir-sacks-second-staff-member-in-a-week-20140805-3d6d4.html

    Also on the hapless Mr Muir – is this legal? If so, why?
    Ricky Muir gained after Druery clashed with Family First
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/ricky-muir-gained-after-druery-clashed-with-family-first-20140804-3d4k8.html#ixzz39TW04p7X

  29. I reckon Ricky is losing it from the pressure…I doubt he can handle it!…after all, making decisions on running the country is much more demanding than rubbing roo-shite in your hair!

  30. Bushfire Bill,

    I’m beginning to wonder whether too much Schadenfreude is never enough.

    Bolt has, I hope, shot his.

    However, the two “B’s” I’m wondering about are …

    Chris Berg (can anyone tell me how old he is? – and is he toilet-trained yet?)

    AAAAND

    La Bella herself, Julie (Deliberately Barren) Bishop!!!

    Watching – even while very busy – her deification (aka grooming) by the meeja has provoked hilarity to the point of tears.

    Lawdy lawdy, and they ain’t even been on the comfy cushions for a year yet.

  32. Righto Fiona….and on the Bolt thing…couldn’t resist going there for a bo-peep……what a laugh!…..christ, no wonder Abbott got in….with those pudden-heads having the right to vote!!

  35. The IPA advocates are not policy makers in the classic sense, these aren’t the kind of guys you meet in Treasury or the other high powered policy departments nor in the top Universities. These guys are the Taliban of policy development, they drive an old ten tonne truck loaded with explosives and scrap metal into the halls of power and hope that their backers can profit from sifting through the resultant wreckage. They have no interest in “the Australian compact” with every one a winner, they want the fucking lot or else nothing for anyone. They don’t look to Scandinavia as a model towards which we may progress, but Somalia where a handful of warlords live like kings amidst poverty and ruin and disease and horror.

    I wrote once before that as political advisors the IPA were nihilists, that their advice was akin to that of the drunken mob below the ledge upon which a scared potential suicide cowered. They always bellow for the jump option.

    The LNP have done many stupid things over the period since they chose Abbott for leader, but the stupidest is the outsourcing of their policy development to the IPA. The shitfight over the yet to be passed Budget is just the most visible symptom of the writhing mass of maggots lurking within the corpse of the government. There are two years to go and there will be worse sights to endure before they are prodded into a body bag and interred. Already the stench is so bad that even the IPA advocates are putting on facemasks and pretending someone else farted.

  40. The thing that bugs me about them, is that I have to watch and hear these snotty-nosed kids, sprout the most juvenile…crap!..that shouldn’t be harkened to by the most ignorant fool, yet we have a MSM and what is supposed to be an adult govt’ seeming to hang on to every word….even our ABC.
    It is the philosophy of children being implemented by adults !

  42. Tony, Jules and Gorgeous George today, announcing Tony’s Great Big Fat Scare Campaign. The faces!

  47. Yes, Noel, I know where you are coming from and it’s not from interest of your fellow aborigines – rather as a rich bastard who is more concerned with toadying to those who happen to be in power – for the moment.

    Indigenous community leader Noel Pearson has challenged the views of Senator Nova Peris on the issue of Aboriginal income management, warning that a failure to intervene could see more children taken away from their parents.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-05/nova-peris-noel-pearson-debate-aboriginal-income-on-qanda-nt/5649010

  49. The Prime Miniature said at the BE VERY AFRAID presser that the level of threat to Australia has not increased , he said he wanted to emphasise this . He also said the threat has remained the same since 9/11 , “Medium” . Hands up those who has seen media lizards reporting this ?

  50. Good morning Dawn Patrollers.

    How Brandis got comprehensively and royally shafted on 18C.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/desire-to-bring-muslims-back-onside-led-to-dumping-20140805-3d6n0.html
    And dear little Andrew Bolt isn’t happy. Waaahh waaaahh!
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/andrew-bolt-says-dumping-of-changes-to-racial-discrimination-act-section-18c-is-dangerous-20140806-100tzc.html
    Michelle Grattan has a good article on the bad hair day for Brandis and Turnbull.
    https://theconversation.com/bad-hair-day-for-george-brandis-and-malcolm-turnbull-30176
    Talk about “lifters and leaners”
    http://www.smh.com.au/business/transurban-pays-just-3-million-tax-despite-collecting-1-billion-in-tolls-20140805-100le8.html
    Peter Martin – Why Hockey is wrong on tax.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/sorry-treasurer-but-your-tax-figures-are-a-long-way-wide-of-the-mark-20140805-3d6mq.html
    Independent Australia says good riddance to Major Bernard Gaynor. (He’d make a good mate for Cory Bernardi in the Senate!)
    http://www.independentaustralia.net/life/life-display/bernard-gaynor-has-been-kicked-out-of-the-army-good-,6739
    Bob Ellis – the three things the Libs did wrong yesterday.
    http://www.ellistabletalk.com/2014/08/05/the-three-worst-things-the-liberals-did-yesterday-20/
    Steven Koukoulas – The RBA knows when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em,
    http://thekouk.com/blog/rba-knows-when-to-hold-em-knows-when-to-fold-em.html#.U-FKH_mSySo
    Lenore Taylor – essentially saying “What’s this ridiculous ‘Team Australia’ crap?”
    http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/aug/05/team-australia-need-told-more-these-policies
    Peter George – How Netanyahu’s aggression has tarnished Israel.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/benjamin-netanyahus-aggressive-stance-tarnishes-israel-in-the-eyes-of-the-world-20140805-100cd7.html

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