APOLOGIES TO GOOGLE but….
I found this online and just had to share!
Ordering a Pizza in 2023
CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?
GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at your Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER:I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE … !
GOOGLE:I’m sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
Welcome to the future 😁
Copied/pasted, unknown author
Add your own jokes, please, we all need a laugh.
Yay or Nay to Pineapple on Pizza?
405 thoughts on “For a laugh…”
Baby Horned Owl
following on from Leonie
It appears Robodebt is still operational
Why is the Commonwealth of Australia threatening me with a Departure Prohibition Order over $75??
Because I didn’t check MyGov for a month, while I was transitioning into full-time work? Which is what you want me to do?
Are you having a fucking laugh? How DARE you!
the law says
Lidia Thorpe confirms resignation from the Greens
Senate numbers are becoming more “interesting.”
If I were a Greens’ member, or of any party, I’d be glad not to have such a nasty, noisy, self- promoting person on side. Now she’s there and enabled to become an ‘independent,vocal star’ available to comment on any issue, social, political or whatever story that needs spicing up to compete for media space or screen time. She is a turn-off for me whenever she appears, so if there are as many others who share my view as seems, she is of no use to any cause seeking support from moderate observers.
Best we keep the Poms well clear of any of our naval shipbuilding requirements. A few days ago we got the headline
Over the weekend a real shocker. For this to happen requires a ‘special’ talent for incompetence……………
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
Here’s Katherine Murphy’s take on the latest Essential poll that shows a majority of Australians continue to support a constitutionally enshrined voice to parliament, including an overwhelming majority of young Australians.
The resignation of Senator Lidia Thorpe from the federal Greens did not come as a shock to party insiders who had viewed her exit as a matter of when not if. The only surprise for these party members was that her sensational resignation came so soon on Monday, and not following a scheduled party room meeting later in the day, writes Jack Latimore who reckons her departure was no surprise.
Lidia Thorpe hooked voters on the idea of electing her as a strong Greens senator. Now those same voters discover they have bought something utterly different, writes David Crowe who says her spectacular and shameless act of political desertion that weakens the Greens, resets calculations about crossbench power in the Senate and crowns a new and wildly unpredictable independent in parliament.
Thorpe’s defection makes life trickier for Labor, writes Phil Coorey who says her defection has implications well beyond the Greens and the Voice.
Katherine Murphy thinks Lidia Thorpe’s defection has rattled the Greens but it presents an opportunity for Albanese.
But Adrian Beaumont opines that Thorpe’s defection from the Greens will make passing legislation harder for Labor.
According to Paul Sakkal, away from the national spotlight, a Voice to parliament could be up and running in South Australia before Australians vote on the same concept at a referendum later this year.
Alcohol bans are set to be reintroduced in central Australia after a snap review recommended tighter restrictions to address a surge of crime and antisocial behaviour in Alice Springs. The measures announced yesterday mean that Aboriginal people living in remote communities and town camps in the Northern Territory will not be able to buy takeaway alcohol, although communities will be able to lift the bans if 60% of residents vote in favour of an alcohol management plan.
The AIMN uses Root Cause Analysis on the Alice Springs troubles.
The Reserve Bank is poised to lift interest rates for a ninth consecutive meeting on Tuesday. Inflation and the cost of living are now weighing on shoppers, explains Shane Wright.
Economists are tipping higher interest rates and lower real wages in 2023, but no recession, writes Peter Martin.
Elizabeth Knight writes about the low-hanging fruit for the family budget is what NAB describes as micro treats and how the most vulnerable are the daily takeaway coffee and buying lunch. She says that all economists acknowledge that the consumer spending river is close to drying up.
The recommendations of the Strengthening Medicare Taskforce released last week, like almost any serious health reform in Australia, require joint Commonwealth and state action, argues Stephen Duckett.
Karen Maley reckons we shouldn’t be surprised if we see the teal independents, who represent Australia’s six richest electorates, steering well clear of the looming tax debate.
Following the balloon incident, Peter Hartcher writes that the Sino-American relationship today is not as tense as the US-Soviet Cold War relationship of 1960, but it’s heading in the same direction.
The Australian trade minister, Don Farrell, will fly to Beijing “in the near future” after attending the first meeting between an Australian trade minister and a Chinese commerce minister in three years. Daniel Hurst reports that Farrell, who was in Canberra for the resumption of parliament, met virtually with his counterpart, Wang Wentao, for about 90 minutes yesterday.
According to Andrew Tillett, unions are warning the Albanese government needs to build a new fleet of conventionally powered submarines in Australia, or risk not having the workforce and skills base to underpin the eventual construction of nuclear-powered boats.
Matt O’Sullivan tells us that the NSW government’s bungled purchase of Spanish-built trains is at serious risk of further delays because of a failure to properly plan for $300 million in upgrades necessary for them to run on rail lines from Sydney to Melbourne, Brisbane, Canberra and across the state. Top effort, this!
When Dominic Perrottet embarked on the most sweeping reforms to poker machines since they were legalised in 1956, he faced a massive roadblock. But the powerful clubs and pubs lobby were not Perrottet’s only major hurdle. It’s the Nationals, says Alexandra Smith.
The SMH editorial declares that Perrottet’s pokies reform is a game-changer that will save lives.
Tim Costello says Perrottet has rolled the dice and now Minns must up the ante. He thinks we now have a once-in-a-generation opportunity to get this right.
The Productivity Commission’s study of school funding confirms that funding increases for private schools has continued to outstrip that for public schools. This is a scandal. Not only does it need to stop, there should be a period of compensatory reversal of the trend.
The Treasurer, Jim Chalmers, recent essay in The Monthly explores the relationship between the state and the private sector, and how that matters for the problems of our time, explains Michael Keating in this examination of the contribution.
The number of electric vehicles on Australian roads has almost doubled over the past year, growing from 44,000 at the beginning of 2022 to more than 83,000, according to research based on sales data released in the Electric Vehicle Council’s yearly recap. That figure is expected to top 100,000 in the coming months.
An interesting process is occurring in the APS – it is attempting to regain its prestige and strengthen its reputation. After many years in the wilderness, with the APS seen as something of a hindrance to policy development (remember former prime minister Scott Morrison’s 2019 speech when he stated Ministers made policy, and the APS only implemented it?). It appears that this may be changing, writes Sue Williamson in The Canberra Times.
For many Australians watching the events over the past week, where the United States Air Force tracked a Chinese balloon overflying US territory and then shot it down, might seem to be of indirect significance to our security. Former senator and submariner, Rex Patrick suggests that it is of direct significance to Australia, increasing the risk we might be drawn into war in South East Asia.
A long-awaited committee hearing to determine whether former governor-general and Brisbane archbishop Peter Hollingworth should be stripped of his position within the Anglican Church has begun in Melbourne. The hearing, being held by the church’s independent investigator, Kooyoora, will proceed behind closed doors despite opposition from some survivors, who claim to have been left in the dark throughout the drawn-out process, reports Marta Pascual Juanola.
A school psychologist who complained about former governor general and Anglican archbishop Peter Hollingworth’s handling of child abuse allegations says she has “lost faith” in the protracted and secretive complaints process relied on by the church.
Former NSW deputy premier John Barilaro’s appointment to a lucrative US trade job was a “sorry saga” with all the hallmarks of a “job for the boys”, a parliamentary inquiry has found.
Big 4 consultancy PwC has been caught red-handed with partners leaking confidential information, obtained while advising the Federal government on combating tax avoidance, so their multinational clients could avoid tax. As the government ponders its response, Rex Patrick argues it’s time to introduce a procurement blacklist to deal with corporate cowboys.
From London, Rob Harris reports that Tony Abbott has joined the board of trustees of the leading climate sceptic think tank, the Global Warming Policy Foundation, vowing to inject more “genuine science” and less “groupthink” into the debate. They can have him!
The battle over how many billion humans planet Earth can safely carry is growing exponentially, writes Sue Arnold.
Biden has revived democratic capitalism – and changed the economic paradigm, explains Robert Reich who says it has taken one of the oldest presidents in American history, who has been in politics for over half a century, to return the nation to an economic paradigm that dominated public life between 1933 and 1980, and is far superior to the one that has dominated it since.
Under the shelter of the ‘shared values’ mantra the leaders of America and its vassal states like Australia find justification for militarisation and hegemony. Secretary of State Blinken’s comments in Jerusalem, while sharing a podium with the Israeli Prime Minister, have exposed the utter meaningless and hypocrisy of this formula, posits Mike Scrafton.
More than 2000 people were killed and thousands more missing or injured on Monday when an earthquake struck central Turkey and north-west Syria, collapsing apartment blocks and heaping more destruction on Syrian cities already devastated by years of war.
“Dimmer than she appears or totally dishonest? Liz Truss may be both”, says the ever-entertaining John Crace.
Schools and universities are ground zero for America’s culture war, writes Moira Donegan. It’s a shocking state of affairs.
The FBI arrested two people, including a neo-Nazi leader, before they could attack Baltimore’s power grid, officials said on Monday. Yet another indication of right-wing terrorism threat.
The Judicial Commission of Victoria has stood down a Victorian magistrate who once described an alleged rape victim as having “buyer’s remorse”, while it investigates a new complaint regarding his in-court behaviour. This warrants his nomination for “Arsehole of the Week”.
Glen Le Lievre
From the US
Ah, BK, Root Cause Analysis. A blast from the past for me 🙂 In a previous life I had to prepare a number of those for work but I have not thought of or even seen reference to one in years. 🙂
I heard a podcast with 2 Alice Springs aboriginal women. One said that the camps have no internet so kids come to town to use internet and hang out. I get the impression a youth centre with internet and air con would be a good idea
On Insiders Dan Bourchier was shut down every time he tried to say something substantive about the social problems in WA, NT or Qld. All he managed to get in was that Grog bans treated the symptom not the cause
This should be fun
Seth Meyers –
Rachel Maddow –
Mehdi Hasan – (in for Chris Hayes)
Lawrence O’Donnell –
Brian Tyler Cohen –
I don’t care about Lidia Thorpe, I do not want to read journalistic crap about her. To me she is just another attention seeker and the journos are feeding her by making her “celebrity of the day”. Ignoring her would be the best thing they could do.
I will never understand why the Greens thought having her as a senator was a great idea. Didn’t they vet their candidates properly?
I sometimes wonder if any political parties fail to effectually evaluate their candidates. There have been some absolutely pathetic, corrupt, bullying incompetents on all sides of the various fences …
Scary thought, really.
Charles Firth has come up with a brilliant solution to the housing crisis, one that might actually work.
How F’cuked has housing become ? In 1993 I put down a deposit on a block of land to build a 3 bedroom home about 1 km from the beach and close to Fremantle. Deposit about $11k, the home and land package about $93k. I had a below average income at the time and was the sole ‘bread winner’ AND YET the repayments were about that I paid for rent at the time and the bank was happy to give me the loan. Today nobody at all in my position would have a snow flake’s chance in hell of doing the same.
The rot set in with The Rodent. As did many many other shitty things, not that Hawke and Keating were innocent bystanders in the process. Check out parliamentarians’ property portfolios and they are just the ones they have to declare and wonder why they may not be so keen on returning housing to a basic necessity rather than a get rich scheme for the spivs. Mega Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
While that was happening, or about to happen, former asylum seeker Behrouz Boochani visited parliament for the first time to urge the government to allow the remaining refugees on Nauru and Papua New Guinea to be evacuated. Albo could not be bothered listening to his speech. Well done to The Guardian for covering the speech when the MSM did not have the guts to mention it.
From leone2’s article about Lowe
A summation of one of the reasons I have utter contempt for ‘economists’ . Their only real use being to supply what the late great JK Galbraith spoke about when he said…..
“The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
Oh the horror, the current bout of inflation is caused by the peasants having too much money the’economists’ tell us. . Pig’s feckin’ arse. Everything and I mean everything when it comes down to it starts with energy, life ,the universe and yes, even the economy. Energy prices went whoosh, starting well before the Ukraine conflict by the way. Gee ya reckon that might be the cause of price rises rather than the plebs having too much money ?
Did I mention the Covid pandemic screwing supply chains ? Energy prices fell some time ago after the initial burst. so golly what a surprise inflation has since dropped and supply chains post Covid are normalising.
Not only but also, while scumbag ‘economics’ peasants bang on about the necessity of ‘reducing demand’ to fight inflation there never seems to be consideration of the effect of the supply side of the supply and demand equation. Well of course not, that would mean looking at the mismanagement of our oligarchs and overlords that so often contributes to such supply problems. Best blame the peasants eh .
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
The RBA rate python is threatening to squeeze the life out of the economy, says Shane Wright.
The Reserve Bank of Australia has delivered a ninth straight official interest rate rise to 3.35 per cent, a 10-year-high, and indicated 4 per cent-plus may be needed to tame high inflation despite the “painful squeeze” on households, writes Ronald Mizen.
Phil Coorey says the rate rise has prompted the Liberals to return to a Howard-era attack on Labor.
The country’s ninth straight rate rise will push up the cost of borrowing, dampening new home purchases and even preventing some mortgage holders from being able to refinance existing fixed-rate loans as they expire, a mortgage broker has warned.
Katherine Murphy tells us that Liberal moderates Paul Fletcher and Simon Birmingham pushed back against a decision to oppose the Albanese government’s planned overhaul of the safeguard mechanism during shadow cabinet deliberations over the past fortnight.
In a good read, Ross Gittins argues that if GPs want more money, they’ll have to be less allergic to change.
A furious row over former Greens senator Lidia Thorpe has sparked demands she give up her Senate seat because it belongs to the party and not to her, with a key preselection rival rebuking her for defecting to the crossbench. David Crowe tells us that human rights activist and barrister Julian Burnside, who sought the Senate position in a ballot against Thorpe two years ago, said she had treated Greens supporters badly when their work had won the seat for the party last year.
Paul Bongiorno says that the balance of power shift in the Senate creates uncertainty for more than the Voice. Lidia Thorpe has served notice she intends to spend the next five years in the Senate throwing bombs at what she believes is the illegitimate legacy of a bloody colonialism.
Lidia Thorpe’s exit from the Greens says less about her than it does about the party and the broader progressive movement – and none of it flattering, says Julie Szego.
Voice supporters need to come out in force after Thorpe’s defection, says the SMH editorial. It says it’s another reminder to supporters of the Voice that it’s time their own show hit the road.
Peter Lewis believes that by turning his back on bipartisanship, Peter Dutton is poised to lose whichever way the voice referendum goes.
Liberal MP Andrew Bragg will publicly lobby opposition leader Peter Dutton to embrace the Indigenous voice to parliament, labelling it a “liberal solution” to reconciliation. Paul Karp reports that today Bragg will release a position paper giving “five reasons the voice is right”, rejecting some of the central concerns of voice opponents that it discriminates on race or will fail like the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Commission.
The Pontifical Mass for Cardinal George Pell – a religious event and a public event – was a funeral ritual, a celebration of Catholic resilience but testimony to the now deeply fractured relations between secular power and the Catholic Church, whines Pontificating Paul Kelly.
The Catholic Church had an opportunity to showcase to the world that it owns the mistakes of the past. It could have honoured Pell without attacking survivors; but it did not, writes childhood sexual abuse survivor Andrew Collins.
Stephen Mayne says that the cashless by 2028 pokies policy is great, but he has an even better idea.
Michael Pascoe sees the pokies industry’s fingerprints remaining on Dominic Perrottet’s policy. He points to the window dressing Perrottet used to get the alleged policy past his National colleagues.
Now Bruce Lehrmann has filed defamation proceedings against Network Ten and News Corp over their coverage of rape allegations made by his former colleague Brittany Higgins, reports Michaela Whitbourn.
All adult Australians who have not had a COVID-19 infection or vaccination in the last six months can get an extra booster shot later this month.
Carrie Fellner writes that global chemicals maker 3M will be accused of a decades-long campaign to deceive the public about the risks of its controversial “forever chemicals” as it faces a series of bombshell legal claims worth up to $US40 billion ($58 billion) that a judge described as an “existential threat” to multiple defendants’ survival. The chemicals, PFAS, have been used in Scotchgard.
Innovation needs to be cultural, economic and social as well as technological to address global issues, so businesses must start producing technology that has a “measurable impact” on the world, writes Paul Budde.
A group of globally renowned scientists have slammed the NSW government for failing to measure the impact of the 2019 Black Summer bushfires and continuing to log native forests at the same rate as before, even in designated high-risk zones. Callum Foote reports.
It is shocking to discover just how dependent one of the planet’s largest companies has allowed itself to become on a single country, writes Ben Marlow who says Apple is paying a heavy price for its big bet on China.
With his oil and gas revenues drying up, Vladimir Putin is being forced into desperate measures to keep funding his war, and they will weigh heavily on Russia’s future, explains Stephen Bartholomeusz.
The US State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress today – with the Supreme Court, the military chiefs and the diplomatic corps present – is the biggest pulpit a president has for talking to the American people, and indeed the world. Bruce Wolpe writes that Biden will say the state of the union is strong, but he says that’s a stretch.
John Major has launched a scathing attack on Boris Johnson’s handling of Brexit, saying his administration agreed to the Northern Ireland protocol despite knowing it was unworkable.
“There’s no cycle of violence in Jerusalem – only Israel’s lethal oppression of my people”, laments Jalal Abukhater.
Police allege former Jewish school principal Malka Leifer, a multiple nominee for “Arsehole of the Week”, committed a litany of sexual offences against students, including at a school camp, in a school office, at the library and at her home between 2003 and 2007, as the criminal trial against her gets under way in Victoria. Details of accusations against Ms Leifer were outlined in an indictment released by County Court judge Mark Gamble after a jury was empanelled yesterday.
Glen Le Lievre
From the US
Labor promises to torture asylum seekers more compassionately than previous government
Very apt. Especially considering Labor voted to keep Nauru as a site of offshore detention.
I wouldn’t mind if they did as a short term measure while they were finding something else.
Haven’t heard anything about a “something else.”
Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Nice one, Joe!
OMG , what a shocking bit of information. …………………………. shocking because it makes me feel soooooo old 😆
That bastard Bashar al-Assad!
Nothing is being done for the “revolutionaries” in Aleppo and around.
Silly chap. Labor was after all the party that started the whole ‘Asylum Seeker’ death spiral off by introducing ‘mandatory detention’ for ‘asylum seekers’. Labor has some very ‘awkward’ things in its history when it comes to xenophobia.
I’m sure you are fully aware of how that escalated.
Oh yes indeed. The %^#$#%!! Coalition peasants rushed through the door Labor opened like a herd of elephants. The Rodent= Worst Ever PM of Australia.
Labor still refuses to mention their history of mandatory detention. They do not want us to think they had anything to do with. Paul Keating was the PM responsible, he introduced the legislation in 1992 as a response to boat people arriving from Cambodia.
Which government reopened Nauru and Manus Island? It was the Gillard government. The Rudd government (v2) decided resettlement of refugees in PNG was a great idea. It was also Rudd who announced that people arriving by boat would never be allowed to settle in Australia.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
There is a better than 50-50 chance Australia could fall into recession due to the RBA’s aggressive interest rate rises, economists believe, as a growing group of Labor MPs suggest Philip Lowe’s term should not be extended, write James Massola and Shane Wright.
But the SMH editorial says that Jim Chalmers must not allow bad press over rising interest rates to sway him when deciding on whether to extend the term of Philip Lowe as governor of the Reserve Bank of Australia.
The Reserve Bank wants unemployment to rise. It should be careful what it wishes for, argues Greg Jericho.
Constitutional expert Anne Twomey examines the question of whether or not Lidia Thorpe should be allowed to continue in the Senate. Having looked at the arguments, she concludes that ultimately, we get what we vote for, and have to live with it, which is why we should be very careful with our votes.
The Age’s indigenous affairs journalist Jack Latimore explains why Thorpe’s departure is no surprise.
Culture warrior Peta Credlin says that by blowing up the sovereignty issue this week, Thorpe might have inadvertently shaken voters out of their complacency.
Senator Lidia Thorpe has split from the Greens to fight for the “Blak Sovereign Movement” based upon an ill-founded view of the upcoming referendum. She says the voice could compromise Indigenous sovereignty, and she will oppose the change unless it “guarantees First Nations sovereignty is not ceded”. Thorpe has picked an unfortunate battleground: the referendum has little or nothing to do with Indigenous sovereignty, explains Professor George Williams.
Alexandra Smith says that Minns, in his focus on winning the election, should not abandon the pokies victims.
Paul Sakkal reports that the Albanese government’s minister responsible for gambling received donations on the eve of the election when she was shadow minister in charge of online betting. There have been better looks.
Meanwhile, the New South Wales government appointed a senior Liberal official – who made thousands of dollars in political donations to the party – as the chair of a productivity council set up to provide independent advice on innovation in the state.
The Andrews government has spent almost a year sitting on a report which recommended sweeping changes to the state’s bail laws well before a damning coroner’s report into the death in custody of Veronica Nelson. Annika Smethurst writes that the parliamentary report was handed down last March and effectively mirrors the recent recommendations from Coroner Simon McGregor.
A leader who understands power and relishes its exercise, Daniel Andrews is the most significant reformist premier since John Cain, writes political historian Paul Stranglo who opines that the strong likelihood is that Andrews will, in fact, relinquish the premiership no later than the middle of this term, handing over to his chosen successor, Jacinta Allan. It will be a final act of control of a political force of nature.
Senator David Pocock has heaped pressure on the federal government to remove feral horses from the NSW and Victorian high country by launching an inquiry into how existing federal powers could override state governments to protect the national heritage-listed Australian Alps.
According to Nick Toscano and Mike Foley, deep divisions between gas producers and their biggest industrial customers are threatening to stall the Albanese government’s efforts to reform the energy market.
Labor’s safeguard mechanism does more to save the fossil fuel industry than it does the planet, says Richard Denniss.
The Albanese government will seek a second opinion on Allens lawyer Michelle Levy’s plan to expand the number of low- and middle-income workers receiving financial advice by overhauling a decade of regulation. Financial services minister Stephen Jones will order more “expert analysis and stress-testing” of Ms Levy’s Quality of Advice review before taking any of its thirteen recommendations to federal Cabinet. Ms Levy was appointed by the Morrison government to undertake a review designed “to ensure Australians have access to high quality, accessible and affordable financial advice”.
On this subject, Jennifer Hewett says that Labor has been given a hand grenade on how to fix financial advice.
NSW needs a government prepared to bell the cat when it comes to the ongoing provision of public funding to grossly over-resourced private schools. Funds provided on the grounds of assumed entitlement are funds diverted from distribution according to demonstrated need, urges Lyndsay Connors.
Labor MP and doctor Mike Freelander fears the government’s slow pace on a Medicare overhaul could send Australia back to a two-tier system, writes Natassia Chrysanthos.
The announcement of the Australian Government’s decision on the purchase of nuclear powered submarines is looming and it is timely to take a cold hard look at the “facts” rather than the inevitable spin. The more Prime Minister Albanese maintains this will be a momentous decision for Australia the more it should have been the subject of properly informed public discussion, argues Mack Williams.
ChatGPT is in the world, and defying expectations and regulations, writes Alan Kohler.
An abuse survivor told a hearing to potentially defrock former Anglican archbishop and former Australian governor general Peter Hollingworth that the secrecy around the proceedings “only serves to re-enforce the profound harm” to victims, reports Christopher Knaus.
Far from suggesting George Pell made any real lasting contribution to society, Tony Abbott’s “saint for our times” eulogy was designed to fuel the culture wars, writes Michael Galvin.
Farrah Tomazin describes a campaign-like speech in which a self-assured Biden called for unity to ‘finish the job’.
Joe Biden has laid out his re-election pitch for 2024. He is offering green protectionism, welfare populism, careful language to try not to offend the American mainstream on values, while still doing plenty to keep the progressive activists and elites as part of his base. Greg Sheridan says that, by the standards of Biden speech making, it was a powerful and well delivered address. There were lots of elisions and factual massages that didn’t quite reflect reality, but it was the best speech Biden has delivered, and the best delivery by him, for many years.
Biden’s State of the Union speech was in stark contrast to Britain’s dearth of economic ideas, writes Martin Kettle who says the US president’s strategy is a world away from anything the Tories have to offer – and Labour needs to learn from it.
Mick Ryan tells us how China is using Ukraine to wargame Taiwan.
From the US
If Labor really wants Lidia Thorpe out of parliament they could call a double dissolution. Normally that would be risky, but not when everyone is disgusted by Thorpe’s attention-whore moves and especially not when Labor is polling so well.
I suppose the government will wait and see how she votes, but the RW media loves her and also loves giving her undeserved publicity, so any vote where her vote is essential will come in for a lot of media attention, which is just what she wants.
She was put into the Senate on Labor preferences last May and would not be so lucky this time.
The moral of this sorry story is always number every box on the Senate ballot paper, or at least number every box the AEC requires for a legal vote. Never, ever do as the major parties ask.
Seth Meyers –
Chris Hayes –
Lawrence O’Donnell –
Brian Tyler Cohen –
Alan Tudge has finally resigned from parliament.
All I can say is Good Riddance. He should have gone ages ago, he has been a disgrace.
Matt Golding does it again
What sort of failed state thinks this would be a good idea?
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
Michell Grattan says that the by-election for Alan Tudge’s seat will test Peter Dutton’s ability to campaign in tough terrain.
The resignation of Alan Tudge will force the Liberal Party to confront its failures in Victoria, with an opportunity to broaden its appeal, says David Crowe. There are several scenarios for Aston, he writes, but each has a common theme: the test for Dutton.
Matthew Knott writes that the ghosts of Alan Tudge’s past haunted him until the very end.
By taking a hard line against key government policies, the opposition leader is hoping to make life as hard as possible for Labor in the Senate, writes Phil Coorey who reckons Dutton is playing the ‘vuvuzela of Australian politics’.
According to Shane Wright, at a meeting with state treasurers today Jim Chalmers will give the states and territories until June to come up with ways to overhaul their planning and zoning regulations in a bid to help build 1 million homes across the country by the end of the decade.
The PM promised to give housing a hoist, but it’s far from enough says David Crowe.
People borrowed too much because our housing market left them with no alternative – now we’ve manoeuvred ourselves into a situation where perfectly normal interest rates are enough to make us crack, points out Waleed Aly in a worthwhile explanation of where we find ourselves.
Jim Chalmers has written an op-ed for The Australian. He says he will be laying down a responsible Labor budget to tackle inflation.
Paul Karp reveals that the former energy minister, Angus Taylor, asked his department to consider delaying telling voters about electricity price rises before the May election, then made the decision to do so. He’s been caught out with his porkies once again. Frydenberg and Morrison knew about it, too.
The competition regulator has warned energy retailers their profit margins are under scrutiny as AGL revealed a stunning leap in profits from gas sales that bolsters producers’ calls for them to be included in Labor’s price caps and market intervention. It has been revealed that AGL bought gas in the six months ended December 31 at an average of $8.30 a gigajoule and generated revenue from retail customers at $28 a gigajoule. FFS!
Elizabeth Knight reckons RBA governor Philip Lowe has become the public service equivalent of Qantas boss Alan Joyce at the height of the lost luggage/cancelled flights drama.
The recently released Strengthening Medicare Taskforce report found more people are delaying care or attending emergency departments because they can’t get in to see a GP. These contributors to The Conversation give us six reasons why this is so – and it is a worry.
The Medicare Review contains welcome aspirations, but the instruments to achieve them are poorly delineated, argues John Dwyer.
Luke Henriques-Gomes reports that the former head of the Department of Human Services pressured the commonwealth ombudsman to delete language questioning the legality of the robodebt scheme from a key report.
Robodebt was a massive failure of public policy that might not have proceeded if those who helped enable it had pushed back on a questionable scheme they knew had significant flaws, writes Paul Begley.
Wring about Tudge’s resignation for various reasons, the AIMN’s Rossleigh says, “Or is there some other less obvious reason like the fact that – after his testimony at the Royal Commission last week – a large number of people think that he’s a nasty piece of work. Of course, not everyone shares this view. Some people think that he was just following orders and that he can’t be held responsible because “just following orders” is a fine defence and…”
Premier Dominic Perrottet has not ruled out privatising more government assets to bankroll major infrastructure, and warned Labor had no legitimate plan to pay for projects, write Tom Rabe and Lucy Cormack.
Peter Dutton and his media cabal notwithstanding, The Voice is a well-considered and “detailed” proposition put forward by Indigenous Australians — just respect it. Michelle Pini provides the “detail”.
Adam Carey reports that a group of principals is pushing for the university ranking system to be dumped and replaced with a model that better evaluates students’ wider skills. They claim that the Year 12 blunt instrument leaves too many students feeling like failures.
Crossbench MPs have called for Labor’s minister with responsibility for online betting regulation to resign her portfolio for receiving $19,000 in donations from Sportsbet on the eve of last year’s federal election. However, the government defended Communications Minister Michelle Rowland’s integrity and argued she had acted appropriately, writes Paul Sakkal.
Bank chief executives will be called to appear before a new Senate inquiry into bank branch closures in regional areas. John Kehoe writes that the inquiry responds to the announced closure of more than 80 branches since September last year, according to Queensland Liberal National Party senator Gerard Rennick.
Bloomberg predicts that the robots coming for our jobs will also help fire us.
BP, which pioneered the shift by some Big Oil companies towards cleaner energy, has set new, lower targets for its carbon emissions reductions, explains Stephen Bartholomeusz.
Shocking text messages between Northern Territory police officers – revealing racist, sexist and offensive attitudes to the community, their colleagues and commissioners – have been read aloud during a day of damning evidence at the inquest into Kumanjayi Walker’s death. The private texts – extracted from Constable Zachary Rolfe’s iPhone after his arrest – reveal the “disgusting” attitudes of a handful of Alice Springs officers towards Indigenous people, bush cops and their female colleagues as well as their use of “blatantly racist” terms such as “coon” and “n…er”.
Former England captain Michael Vaughan has questioned India spin king Ravindra Jadeja’s handling of the ball after the star bowler was filmed applying a mystery substance to his hand on the first day of the Test series against Australia. Oh, yes.
The New York Times says the eruptions of Republican vitriol against President Joe Biden during his State of the Union address Tuesday night underscored a new and notably coarse normal in Congress, where members of the GOP majority tossed aside rules of decorum and turned the annual speech into a showcase for partisan hostility.
A gif from Glen Le Lievre
From the US
Rachel fell straight into a trap for rookies. Failure to consider what the words actually mean and instead only consider 1 possible meaning. Bullshit Man should have wised everyone up to this little ‘trick’.It was one of his faves.
Readers/listeners to the words ‘social policy’ naturally assumes it means one thing when the reality is ‘social policy’ would also encompass policies with aims diametrically opposed to what most people would assume it meant. So the TudgeBot may well have been absolutely truthful just don’t assume his aims and methods in anyway align with yours.
Seth Meyers –
Chris Hayes –
Lawrence O’Donnell –
Brian Tyler Cohen –
Welcome back! Parliament returned for the first sitting week of 2023 and we had a lot of legislation to deal with.
We promised to deliver and we have
Strengthening Gillard Government’s paid parental leave scheme
Closing the gender pay gap and building more social and affordable homes
Chris Bowen highlights Opposition hypocrisy
Richard Marles and the answer that stopped Parliament
Tudge resigns after Robodebt Royal Commission
Sussan Ley finds a new low
Ted O’Brien asks “What can we learn from Hiroshima?”…
The Libs/Nats ignoring the majority again
What’s the Opposition’s new favourite word?
1. The Prime Minister said we wouldn’t waste a day and we haven’t. Over summer the Government kept up the pace, delivering the positive and practical change Australians voted for:
Cheaper medicines kicked in on January 1st, the first price cut in the 75 year history of the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme.
10 days of Paid Family and domestic violence leave began on February 1st.
Released the Strengthening Medicare Taskforce Report.
Launched Revive, our new National Cultural Policy (the first in a decade).
As the PM explained in Question Time: “This is a Government with a sense of purpose, not here tooccupy the space, but to make a difference to people’s lives – and that’s exactlywhat we’re doing.”
2. The Gillard Government legislated Australia’s first paid parental leave scheme in 2011. On Thursday we strengthened it, expanding the amount of leave parents can take and increasing flexibility in the scheme. PPL is an important Labor legacy and as Amanda Rishworth told Question Time, after a decade of neglect “it has taken the election of this Labor Government to deliver for working families and that is what we will continue to do.”
3. This week we also introduced important legislation delivering on our commitments. Katy Gallagher introduced a bill in the Senate that willpublish gender pay gaps of employers with 100 or more workers. This is an important step towards pay transparency, which is crucial to closing the gender pay gap. In the House Julie Collins introduced legislation to establish the $10billion Housing Australia Future Fund which will help build 30,000 social andaffordable homes. This will be a gamechanger.
4. Chris Bowen highlighted the ongoing hypocrisy of the Opposition, who this week announced they’d be voting against reforms to the safeguard mechanism. Yes, that’s the same safeguard mechanism legislated by former Prime Minister Tony Abbott. Fast forward to 2020 and they were still in favour of it. As then Energy Minister Angus Taylor explained: “This is just about making sure that Australian manufacturing has the right incentives in place to reduce emissions.”
Three years on and they’re now against it. Chris summed up the Opposition’s approach nicely. “They know this is good policy but they are opposing it. … They don’t care about the national interest in Opposition, why would they care about it if they were ever in Government?”
5. I’ve said before that every now and then you get an answer that just stops the Parliament. This time it was Deputy Prime Minister and Defence Minister, Richard Marles, who on Thursday answered a question about Australian troops training Ukrainian forces. What had been one of the rowdiest days in a while changed within seconds and the whole place was hanging on his every word.
He described the training exercises he’d seen and the realityof people who were clerks, builders and drivers only months earlier, beingtrained to fight for their country – and inevitably for some of them, die fortheir country – in a battle that has serious implications for the rules-basedorder and therefore Australia.
1. When you look at the scandals of the previous government their illegal and deadly Robodebt scheme has to be among the most shameful. The news this week that Alan Tudge – responsible for the scheme between 2016 and 2017 – is resigning from Parliament couldn’t be more welcome.
In his valedictory speech on Thursday Alan Tudge told the House, “My passion has always been in social policy” Really? The same person who used the media to intimidate anyone who dared complain about Robodebt – and went as far as threatening to send people on Robodebt to gaol reckons social policy’s his passion. Go figure!
Apparently as part of the Liberals attempt to fix its gender balance and deliver fresh generational change the two people likely to be preselected in coming weeks are Tony Abbott and Josh Frydenberg. Not sure they need Tony Abbott, they’ve already learned to say “no” to everything. And I can think of a trillion reasons why Josh Frydenberg shouldn’t be let anywhere near Australia’s budget.
2. OK, you be the judge. How senior would you think someone would be if this was their point of order, “Can the Prime Minister count to 100?” Well apparently comments as inane as that are enough to make you deputy leader of the Liberal party these days. Seconds later Sussan Ley had been expelled from the Chamber for an hour, if only it had been longer.
3. MPs and Senators often have good reasons to miss Parliament. But I’ve gotta say I was pretty surprised to hear why the Shadow Minister for Climate Change and Energy, Ted O’Brien, was absent from the first week of Parliament. Ted wasn’t in his electorate. He wasn’t even in the country.
Turns out he was in Japan – as part of his ‘Time to Talk Nuclear’ campaign. We know this because he posted a video on YouTube filmed at Hiroshima – yes I’m not making this up. In a campaign to say how good all things nuclear might be, the title of the video was “What can we learn from Hiroshima?”
4. Sadly it’s not just energy policy where the Coalition continue to shun the national interest. This week they also announced they’d vote against the $15 billion National Reconstruction Fund, which will kickstart Australian manufacturing. A decade after the Coalition dared the car industry to leave the country, nothing has changed. Here’s how Ed Husic put it. “The ‘no-alition’ roars back to life … wanting to say no togrowing the economy, wanting to say no to growing jobs, wanting to say no toAustralian manufacturing and wanting to stop that longer-term benefit that’srequired.”
5. The new member for Bowman thought it would be a good idea to ask the PM about energy prices in his electorate, despite having voted against our Energy Price Relief Plan. In his question he specifically singled out one of his constituents, Brendan. Here’s how the PM answered. “I thank the member for Bowman for his question, and I hope hetells Brendan that he voted against helping him … I hope he says: ‘Sorry,Brendan. Sorry about that, mate, but I had to put politics first.’”
The House of Reps is back next week and Senate Estimates is on again where our Senators work some extraordinarily long hours responding to some pretty inane questions.x
PS. This week’s song goes out to the ‘No-alition’ on the Opposition benches.
Woofle dust please!
If the mountain wont come to Mohamed then…….
I did not know! Now I can say I have learned something today which means it is not wasted, nice!
There has been some talk of AI and ChatGPT recently, there are others on the way. I wonder what will happen to ‘reality’ when that meets ‘Deep Fake’ ? Meet ‘Morgan Freeman’.
All I can say is the AFP are racist thugs.
Protester in hospital after Iran embassy police tackle
The tragedy of humanity. Something tells me that if it was not for bullshit politicians (on both sides) people from Russia and America would be the best of friends.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
If the Reserve Bank of Australia had its time over again, it might have paid more attention to a sneaky decision that Scott Morrison’s government made last April to delay the release of a critical piece of information on electricity prices. George Megalogenis says that the absence of that data appears to have contributed to the false sense of security that the RBA – and market economists – had about inflation. It meant that interest-rate policy was much softer than it needed to be in the first half of 2022; it was a miscalculation with potentially damaging consequences for the economy now that the central bank is playing the grim game of catch-up. This is a top read!
Labor is a party with PTSD on a number of sleeper policy issues that it will have to confront sooner or later, writes Laura Tingle who says Lowe has stoked Labor’s old traumas about interest rates.
This week’s rate rise and a warning of more to come has entrenched a politicisation of interest rates not seen since the Howard years, says Phil Coorey.
We should accept that a recession, even a mild one, is the route the RBA may be heading down, given the risk that it mirrors its delayed action on raising interest rates, by moving too slowly to cut, writes John Hewson.
This is a wide-ranging contribution from Paul Bongiorno and is worth reading.
Shane Wright reports that Mike Pezzullo has come under fire from both former defence minister Linda Reynolds and the Labor chair of the committee, Julian Hill, for his oversight of the department and its handling of multibillion-dollar contracts that have been criticised by the independent Australian National Audit Office.
Online gambling companies have ramped up payments to Australian political parties in a trend that has lifted total casino and gaming donations to more than $9 million over the past two decades, intensifying a clash in parliament over conflicts of interest for ministers who take the payments, writes David Crowe who says exclusive analysis of all federal donations also shows a 33 per cent rise in the amount of “dark money” flowing into political parties from sources that are kept secret, taking the total to $91.3 million last year and helping the major parties fight the federal election.
Ross Gittins provides a history lesson and tells us about the great divide that could send the economy backwards, namely the division of trade among “good guys and bad guys”.
Australia is now caught in a global economic conundrum – over how high and how long interest rates must rise to beat inflation – with the Albanese government facing a range of outcomes from a mild downturn to a damaging recession that would threaten its re-election, writes Paul Kelly.
The RBA’s latest forecasts are grim. Isaac Gross outlines five reasons why.
A trio of Age journalists say that Peter Dutton’s fight to hang on to the Liberal seat of Aston will highlight Labor’s cuts to infrastructure in the Melbourne electorate and seek to install a multicultural woman to replace scandal-plagued former MP Alan Tudge.
If Dutton can ride the wave of blame building against Labor, he’s in with a shot in Aston, says Katherine Murphy.
Josh Frydenberg and the Victorian Liberal Party would have been crazy to attempt to insert the former federal treasurer into the marginal outer metropolitan seat of Aston following this week’s departure of Alan Tudge, writes Peter van Onselen who reckons Frydenberg can make Monique Ryan a one term wonder.
Michael Pascoe reflects on his fifty years in journalism and talks about what it has given him.
The revelation that online gambling company Sportsbet has made two donations totalling $19,000 to Communications Minister Michelle Rowland provides yet more evidence of the gaping holes in federal laws on political campaign finance, says the SMH editorial. Change is needed and the sooner the better, I say.
Should Chris Minns prevail over Dominic Perrottet in the NSW election next month the Labor Party will control every government on the mainland of Australia. Michael West reports on the looming election and Perrottet’s pokies wedge.
The most lethal warship in Australia’s history would be built to greatly boost the navy’s firepower in response to a rising China, under a proposal being examined by the Albanese government. Cameron Stewart tells us that the plan by BAE Systems Australia would spark a major shake-up in the navy’s future fleet, where BAE would build both heavily armed destroyers as well as anti-submarine frigates at its Osborne facility near Adelaide.
“Spare us the gotcha questions” is Nick Bryant’s plea to his fellow journalists on the Voice.
Pro-Voice Liberals pushed for brochures to be sent to all Australian households, outlining the arguments for and against the proposed constitutional change, causing the Albanese government to reverse its position. Karen Middleton tells us how it happened.
Here’s Amanda Meade’s informative weekly media round-up.
It would be a mistake for Australia to narrow its health reform agenda to ignore access to new medicines, writes Trent Zimmermann who says that like Medicare, the PBS urgently needs overhauling – for all our sakes.
While the Anglican Church decides whether to defrock the disgraced former governor-general over allegations related to sexual abuse, the parliament will consider a bill to scrap his $600,000-a-year package, writes Mike Seccombe about the painful legacy of Peter Hollingworth
The Albanese government has been ordered to submit documents relating to extending a controversial offshore gas exploration project, on the NSW coast between Newcastle and Wollongong, known as PEP-11. Coalition and independent senators backed a Greens motion calling for legal advice the Prime Minister had received surrounding Petroleum Exploration Permit number 11.
Jenna Price writes about Karl Stefanovic and Nick Coatsworth and the illusion that we can trust people with power and influence. She gives the show-ponies a good serve.
New details of the Covid-19 response – hidden by the government under ‘commercial-in-confidence’ – reveal no one is properly in charge and that huge quantities of vaccine have been wasted, reveals Karen Middleton.
Lisa Visentin and James Massola wonder what lies ahead for Lidia Thorpe.
Billy Hughes managed to thrive in the fraught business of stepping from one political party to another. But he was a rarity, and defections tend to end badly, says Tony Wright as he reflects on Thorpe’s stepping away from the Greens.
Australia’s property price plunge is set to ensnare the nation’s biggest retailers, with stock watchers tipping that the latest round of interest rate rises will put brands like JB Hi-Fi, Harvey Norman and Temple & Webster in a tough position for the rest of the year, explains Emma Koehn.
John Crace entertains us with an acerbic parody of the Tories’ policies.
Glen Le Lievre
From the US
Bill Maher – (new rules 46:40)
Chris Hayes – (in a new format to presumably beat the bots)
Brian Tyler Cohen –
Thank you BK. YOur links are my first read of the day, followed by ckwats vids.
Thankfully Friendlyjordies is still around, albeit only publishing his weekly podcasts with Mislav and Ali lately.
I look forward to when he returns to regular broadcasts. Yes, it’s understandable that after having his house firebombed that he has been intimidated somewhat into silence, I hope that eventually he can return to normal broadcasts, because I think the NSW state election in March needs his input for the optimum result.
The NSW election really needs some decent comment instead of the biased crap we get from the MSM. I noticed The Age was doing their usual cheerleading for the Libs ahead of the Aston by-election too.
Good morning Dawn Patrollers
“Can Jim Chalmers save Australia from falling off the economic cliff?”, asks Anthony Galloway.
Jack Waterford has a deep look at the Aston byelection and sees that it represents a bigger test for Dutton than it does for Albanese. A good read.
Two of NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet’s brothers have ignored a summons to front a parliamentary inquiry examining the influence of property developers on a council in Sydney’s north-west. THAT’s not a good look!
Much has been said about the problems of Alice Springs from the perspective of residents, social workers, politicians, media commentators and Indigenous leaders and for once, there is consensus. It is a national disgrace, writes John Silvester who has sought out groups that have largely remained silent because to speak could prove professional suicide – the cops, the doctors and those who try to make laws work. They spoke to him with a guarantee of anonymity. It’s horrible to read.
The Left is right to point to flaws in the Voice model but must still vote “Yes”, as a “No” vote means siding with Peter Dutton and the racist rabble of the Right, writes Dr Martin Hirst.
“Alan Tudge left the Liberals – but can the party leave him behind?”, asks James Robertson.
Snowy Hydro says work on a major part of its multibillion-dollar pumped hydro project remains halted after the collapse of a tunnel, adding to concerns the venture will face further lengthy delays.
Gay conversion therapy will be banned in New South Wales if the opposition wins the upcoming state election after a key crossbencher pushed the major parties to outlaw the practice. The Labor leader, Chris Minns, pledged to put an end to the “dangerous and damaging” therapy, which he said did not belong in the state. This puta a bit of heat on Perrottet.
Clive Palmer’s Queensland Nickel company has been ordered to repay a $35.4 million loan for the businessman and former MP’s private jet plus hefty interest and currency exchange costs. Let another legal loss for Palmer.
The blood bath that was 2022 in occupied Palestine claimed the lives of more than 230 Palestinians. The Israeli Occupation Forces and the heavily armed illegal Jewish settlers in the West Bank have continued their feral killing spree into 2023 unabated, writes Jafar Ramini who says that platitudes don’t bring peace to occupied Palestine
Linked by Fiona Katauskas
From the US
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