Warning: Turbulence Ahead

The truly magnificent John Birmingham has decided to adopt the spirit of gonzo with a subscriber-only play-list. He’s also generously letting recipients post choice bits with the appropriate attributions. So, this is one that definitely caught my attention, and here’s the link: https://gumroad.com/l/aliensideboob

You read this hours before the coronation of an unstable, man-sized shard of penis brittle as the rape-clown-in-chief of the free world. Look around you. The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of Red Bull and cannibal meth. This surely was a week to ponder what rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouches towards Washington to be born.

Perhaps it’ll be just like the final episode of Buffy, Season 3, when the Mayor turned into a giant demon snake and tried to eat all the guests. That would be cool, because our very own Senator Malcolm Roberts will be there to represent Pauline Hanson and the seventy-seven lackwits who drooled directly into the ballot box on his behalf. I would totally get up at three in the morning to watch Senator Roberts eaten by an enormous coil of writhing bowel wearing Donald Trump’s face and a burning haystack in place of a hairpiece. Sadly, just because something should happen doesn’t mean it will.

I tell my doctor that every time he rings to pester me about my overdue prostate exam.

Roberts and Hanson trolled everyone like champions earlier in the week, fanning themselves with their golden tickets to the crowning of Baron Fuckface von Clownstick as King o’ the World. One Nation’s Borg Queen twittered like a schoolgirl about being gifted her invite, while Roberts gave the impression he was grinning like your Uncle Bob with a permawoody from mail-order horse viagra.

“Pauline and I received an invitation, but not the Prime Minister,” tweeted the Lesser Malcolm. “OUCH”.

Cool story, bro.

So much cooler than some desperate fuckdiggler ringing the Aussie embassy again and again begging them to hook him up. Turned out the whole thing was such a fanwank plea-bargain that even the Republican congressman who eventually gave up the tickets felt the need to explainify his role in adding to the number of feral swamp donkeys in the national capitol tomorrow.

“Wait? What? Steve Irwin’s not coming?” he said.

Why do they do this? Why drop your pants, massage your buttocks with premium cold-pressed olive oil and stand glistening in the bright sun waiting for the giant Dildo of Consequences to ramify the outcomes of your poor choices? And ramify them HARD.

It’s a valid question, innit, guv? One the Greater Malcolm might consider as the prime ministerial bottom burns red and ever-so-gently quivers in anticipation of the fearful consequences that must come its way when his debt collectors start going after retirees.

Yes. That’s right. Having started the year with a jumbo-sized bowl of piping hot flop sweat, the bunglecunt messiah this week went back for sloppy seconds on the #notmydebt clusterfuckola, describing his government’s aggressive pursuit of billions of dollars it wasn’t owed as “responsible and appropriate.”

Remember that as you reflect on the poor choices made by the Lesser Malcolm, who was at least punching up. Or trying to.

The imperial bellends who actually reign over you did much worse things this week than pathetically bigging up their sixth degree of separation from Baron von Clownstick. They moved to widen the search for people who didn’t owe them any money from the mentally handicapped and unemployed to the nation’s millions of pensioners. Why? Because those greedy old fuckers have been living the honkey rich life on the premium tins of dog food and store brand colostomy bags at Aldi while our poor and hungry fucking trough monsters in Canberra have had to travel business class to each other’s wedding and polo orgies.

Business class!

Do you know how embarrassing that is when Lord Rupert screams past you in his personal jet?

Again, why would anyone who gets elected for a living do this? It can’t just be because kicking over some doddering wrinklies’ walking frames and mugging them for their carefully hoarded stash of dog food money is easier than going after scary-looking welfare moochers with their Celtic tatts and angry twitter feeds.

There has to be something deep at work. Something more primal.

And there is. Stupidity.

But not just old fashioned everyday stupidity. Not just common folly and garden variety derp.

No, this is a sort of amplified neo-stupidity. It’s a shameless stupidity that revels in its own asshat-on-backwards majesty. It’s networked and self-reinforcing. It’s stupidity as an accelerating feedback loop. The kind of stupid that argues for guns in schools to protect against grizzly bear attacks. The kind of stupid that insists, po-faced and pantsless, as Resources Minister Matt Canavan did on Tuesday, that we can reduce our carbon emissions from coal fired power stations by building more coal fired power stations. The kind of stupid that took such a fearful fucking beatdown from the last two weeks of #notmydebtpocalypse that it decides hitting itself in the head with a hammer wasn’t good enough. It should really frappe its own nads and knob cheese in a giant blender too. Because what could possibly go wrong feeding a couple of million pensioners into the trenches of Centrelink’s gigantinormous robot war?

That’s the kinda stupid I’m talkin’ about.

And tomorrow it wears a crown.

527 thoughts on “Warning: Turbulence Ahead

  1. Good morning Dawn Patrollers.

    Here we go! Trump’s executive order closing the nation’s borders to refugees was put into immediate effect on Friday night. Refugees who were in the air on the way to the United States when the order was signed were stopped and detained at airports. The ACLU and others have signalled that there will be an immediate legal challenge.
    Iraqi and Afghan refugees who devoted years of their lives to helping the U.S. war efforts were detained Friday night at U.S. airports due to President Donald Trump’s executive order targeting Muslims and refugees attempting to enter the country.
    A radicalised white supremacist who was stockpiling homemade guns and weapons across Sydney had expressed an intention to commit a mass shooting at a popular Westfield shopping centre. I suppose he calls himself a REAL Australian.
    “Australia first” is opportunism and politicians should be careful where it leads.
    Mark Kenny muses that perhaps Turnbull is the right man in the wrong job.
    The Nats seem to have Gladys Berekilian’s measure already.
    Turnbull was confident about the TPP too. How will he go with Trump on the refugee deal?
    Australia’s refugee deal in jeopardy after Trump’s ‘extreme vetting’ order
    Donald Trump’s surprise election in the United States has given the political right around the world new affirmation and new confidence. And it’s affecting Austrian politics.
    Donald Trump is delusional and utterly obsessed with himself, and this is a danger to the world according to this article in The Independent Australia.

  2. Section 2 . . .

    The federal government will be forced to lift its own self-imposed credit limit in the coming months as debt hurtles towards half-a-trillion dollars – almost double the number the Coalition inherited from Labor. Stand by for a surfeit of weasel words and Labor blame. But the Coalition’s own words will come back to bite them,
    Paul McGeough on Trump’s impending phone call to Putin.
    Amongst other wise reforms to the Environmental Protection Act, Victoria will also protect lives by bringing health expertise into the EPA, write Dr David Shearman and Dr Karen Kiang from Doctors for the Environment Australia.
    Ben Carson reveals why Trump Republicans hate the American People.
    Young Australians are warned to be wary of “sham contracting”, a tactic used by bosses to save money, after the exposure of a “shocking” underpayment scandal at Pizza Hut.
    Annabel Crabbe welcomes Gladys to the “public cervix”.
    Two more Nationals have been making a meal of private flights.
    Malia Obama, the daughter of former US president Barack Obama, has been spotted attending a protest against the building of the controversial Dakota Access Pipeline.
    FoxNews becomes the American Pravda!

  3. Yes, she really did say this. Shealso seems to think Captain Cook and the First Fleet arrived together. She is also worried about the ‘hurt and pain’ felt by convicts ‘torn away from their countries’. The bleeding obvious – many of them had been sentenced to death but had their d=sentences commuted to transportation, saving their lives, has not occurred to her.

    Some bloke – Why are we having it on this day, why January 26th?
    Hanson, very definite – Because that’s when Captain Cook landed and claimed this country in the name of the British monarch.

    If you really want to knock yourself out banging your head into your desk the whole catastrophe is here for 25 January.

  4. Puffy is having trouble logging on, so she has asked me to put this up:

    Please post this. As i cant login on my phone tonight to the pub as pw manager is playing up. Hope all is good. GD is adorable naughty smart determined and cute.

    I just went to West End show (The Comedy About a Bank Robbery. Criterion Theatre London). Laughed myself faint.

    Now it is 11.30 pm and just had dessert and wine at a cocktail bar

    Oh. And I am out on my own.

    The waiter made a mistake and brought me a South African Chenin Blanc instead of South Australian unwooded chardonnay.

    I found the chenin sweet. Too sweet.

    I ordered a the chardie and got that familiar acidic kick of a good chardonnay.

    I chatted to the female waiter. She has spent time in South Aust working at the Penfolds winery and others.

    I will probably Uber home soon. Uber in London is brilliant.


  5. Homeland Confirms Trump Immigration Ban Will Include Green-Card Holders & Dual-Nationalities

    With the world (apart from Israel) in uproar over President Trump’s decision to ban immigration from seven Muslim-majority countries, Department of Homeland Security official Gillian Christensen just confirmed “[the order] will bar green card holders” and those who hold dual nationality also will be barred.

    Green cards serve as proof of an individual’s permanent legal residence in the U.S.

    In a statement that the State Department is due to release, which was reviewed by The Wall Street Journal, the 90-day visa moratorium extends beyond just citizens of Iraq, Iran, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, Libya and Yemen.

    It also applies to people who originally hail from those countries but are traveling on a passport issued by any other nation, the statement notes. That means Iraqis seeking to enter the U.S. on a British passport, for instance, will be barred, according to a U.S. official. British citizens don’t normally require a visa to enter the U.S.

    “Travelers who have nationality or dual nationality of one of these countries will not be permitted for 90 days to enter the United States or be issued an immigrant or nonimmigrant visa,” the statement said. “Those nationals or dual nationals holding valid immigrant or nonimmigrant visas will not be permitted to enter the United States during this period. Visa interviews will generally not be scheduled for nationals of these countries during this period.”

    The dual-citizenship ban doesn’t apply to U.S. citizens who are also citizens of the seven nations singled out by Mr. Trump.

    In a briefing with reporters, officials defended the scope and execution of the new executive order signed by President Donald Trump on Friday. Asked about lawsuits filed against the order, the officials declined specific comment, but said foreigners do not have a right to enter into the united States, and dismissed as “ludicrous” the notion that the move amounted to a “Muslim ban.


  6. This is slightly concerning, because Kenny has a habit of self-fulfilling his own prophecies, as in:

    “I told you it was Turnbull’s big chance… and he took it!”

    The challenge for Turnbull when he opens the batting on the 2017 political year at the National Press Club on Wednesday, is to rise above the squalid.

    Sure, Kenny hints that the only possible solution to any of Australia’s problems is for some Liberal to step up to the plate.

    However (call me overly sensitive) I also do detect some more grudging admiration for Shorten (vaguer, and less positive than Waterford’s yesterday)… a toe in the water:

    Within the polity, Turnbull must do more to confront the root causes of public disaffection: political class hypocrisy and self-interest in controversies over MPs’ travel rorting, hidden donations, other corruption; and of course, economic inequality. On both of these, Shorten’s political ear seems closer to the ground.

    Turnbull’s speech must be bold, ambitious, sensitive to widespread disaffection, and visionary.

    A tall order for any politician – especially one who is at his best when he sits above politics.

    Turnbull would be a great politician, if he wasn’t involved in politics. The absurdity of Kenny’s position seems to escape its author.

    On the one hand Kenny decries Turnbull’s foray into “politics” (the “crass” preceding it is silent), and by association lets us know he doesn’t think much of politics as a calling… then he concedes Bill is pretty good at it. Turnbull would be better off as, say… President.

    Being a Great Statesman (but a lousy politician) is an unfortunate position for Turnbull to be in, for he has taken on – if nothing else – the job of Politician In Chief. Right man, Wrong job. Sadly (for Turnbull) the job IS the job, not some other job.

    The wheel turns. Two Canberra insiders have now dared to speculate on Bill Shorten’s suitability for being Prime Minister. Don’t expect these Tory Scribblers to endorse Shorten, or anything silly like that. But I think what we are seeing is the gradual dawning of the realization that Turnbull has not only risen one level too high in the political hierarchy, but that he’s probably in the wrong hierarchy altogether.

    Speeches won’t help him (or shouldn’t). Speeches are just words. And we’ve had enough of those out of Malcolm’s mouth to last several lifetimes.


  7. “Refugees In, Racists Out” Protestors Storm JFK Airport After Trump’s ‘Muslim Ban’ – Live Feed

    With banners and chants proclaiming “build a wall… we’ll tear it down”, “let them in”, “hey, hey, JFK, no more fascists USA”, and “refugees in, racists out”, hundreds of protestors are asembled at JFK airport following President Trump’s ‘Muslim’ ban

    As NBC4New York reports,

    With chants of “No hate, no fear, refugees are welcome here,” protesters gathered at John F. Kennedy Airport where 12 refugees were detained Saturday under President Donald Trump’s executive order to ban refugees from entering the United States for four months.

    More than 300 demonstrators held homemade signs that read “No ban, no wall” and “Refugees welcome” in front of Terminal 4’s international arrivals area. One sign called for President Trump’s impeachment and the deportation of the first lady.

    “We’re here to tell Trump that we are not going anywhere,” said lawyer and refugee advocate Jacki Esposito, who helped organize the protest. “Today is the beginning of a long opposition from us, and our neighbors all over the country.”

    The crowds are growing.


  8. Trump won’t attend Alfalfa Club dinner

    President Donald Trump will not attend the annual Alfalfa Club dinner Saturday night, an exclusive black-tie dinner — and White House roast — that every president since Ronald Reagan has attended.

    Instead of the president himself, a squadron of senior administration officials and Trump family will attend, including Vice President Mike Pence, Ivanka Trump and her husband, White House senior adviser Jared Kushner, White House chief of staff Reince Priebus and counselor to the president Kellyanne Conway.

    Conway confirmed the plans to POLITICO on Friday.

    The swanky event gathers various elements of the Washington elite to toast the new administration — as well as fire a few barbed jokes at the new president. The event is closed to reporters, so the ribbing tends to be more biting.

    Rather than hobnobbing with senior politicians, billionaire donors and media titans, Trump is expected to speak with Russian President Vladimir Putin by phone on Saturday.

    There had been speculation that Trump might attend the dinner as a way to show that he’s ready to rub shoulders with the Washington establishment.

    Presidents since Reagan have not gone every year, but they’ve all gone at least twice. Bill Clinton was the only president to skip the dinner days after his inauguration in 1993, but he showed up in 1994.


  9. Double Standards: Where Were the Liberal Protestors During Obama’s Wars?

    The election of Donald Trump has sent millions of people pouring out onto the streets to protest a man they think is a racist, misogynist, xenophobic bully who will destroy US democracy in his quest to establish himself as supreme fascist ruler of the country.

    Maybe they’re right. Maybe Trump is a fascist who will destroy America. But where were these people when Obama was bombing wedding parties in Kandahar, or training jihadist militants to fight in Syria, or abetting NATO’s destructive onslaught on Libya, or plunging Ukraine into fratricidal warfare, or collecting the phone records of innocent Americans, or deporting hundreds of thousands of undocumented workers, or force-feeding prisoners at Gitmo, or providing bombs and aircraft to the Saudis to continue their genocidal war against Yemen?

    Where were they?

    They were asleep, weren’t they? Because liberals always sleep when their man is in office, particularly if their man is a smooth-talking cosmopolitan snake-charmer like Obama who croons about personal freedom and democracy while unleashing the most unspeakable violence on civilians across the Middle East and Central Asia.

    The United States has been at war for eight straight years under Obama, and during that time, there hasn’t been one sizable antiwar march, demonstration or protest. Nothing. No one seems to care when an articulate bi-racial mandarin kills mostly people of color, but when a brash and outspoken real estate magnate takes over the reigns of power, then ‘watch out’ because here come the protestors, all three million of them!

    Can we agree that there is at least the appearance of hypocrisy here?


  10. The UK’s century-long war against Yemen

    Britain is backing a Saudi invasion of Yemen that has cost thousands of innocent lives. It is providing advanced weaponry to the Saudis, training their military and has soldiers embedded with them, helping with targeting of air strikes.

    This is true of today. But it also describes exactly what was happening during the 1960s, in a shameful episode which Britain has, like so much of its colonial past, effectively whitewashed out of history.

    In 1962, following the death of Yemeni King Ahmad, Arab nationalist army officers led by Colonel Abdullah Al-Sallal seized power and declared a republic. The royalists launched an insurgency to reclaim power, backed by Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Israel and Britain, whilst Nasser’s Egypt sent troops to support the fledgling republican government.

    In his book Unpeople, historian Mark Curtis pieces together Britain’s “dirty war” in Yemen between 1962 and 1969, using declassified files which – despite their public availability and the incendiary nature of their revelations – have only ever been examined by one other British historian. British involvement spanned both Conservative and Labour governments, and implicated leading members of the British government in war crimes.


  11. I’m not usually into country music, so this is a first for me.

    Winner of the Golden Guitar award for best video clip at last night’s CNC awards in Tamworth – O’Shea, with Rob Hirst of Midnight Oil.

    The Truth Walks Slowly (In the Countrry).

    Those taking an interest in the plight of Australian farmers who are having their land ruined by fracking will know about George Bender and his family’s continuing fight. It’s quite something for such a political song to win this award. Well done to all involved!

    The Bender family would like to thank Jay and Mark O’Shea, Rob Hirst, Sony Music, CMC and all who were involved with the song The Truth Walks Slowly.
    To all the people who have shown their continual support for landholder’s rights, standing up for the truth about the devastating impacts to our farming families and our children’s future to live sustainably, protection of our land, water and air.
    The Bender’s would like to acknowledge and dedicate this Golden Guitar to the families impacted by Unconventional Gas Mining across this Nation…you are not alone and the truth will always walk beside you.
    #GoldenGuitars #TCMF2017


    • Until we liberated it (cough) Iraq gave women 6 months full pay parental leave, women’s equality was enshrined in the constitution and equal pay enforced. Oh and primary health care was free. Before sanctions and invasion they also had the highest literacy rate in the region. Take a bow Bush , Blair and bloody Howard. I’m sure the people of Iraq appreciate your efforts.

    • Yep.

      Before the west interfered women in Iraq had the same education as the men, they could dress any way they liked, Equal rights were the law. Women could run for political office, own property, had maternity leave andcould do anything women in the west could do.

      Now all that is gone. Women are now oppressed.

      Thank you George W Bush.

      I’m not saying Sadam was a good guy, he was not. But don’t believe all the propaganda about how wonderful life is for women in Iraq now Sadam has gone.

      Yes, there was persecution, rape and murder under Sadam’s regime, but who are we to point that finger, we who live in a country where more than one woman, every week, is killed by a partner or someone else close to her and where women who are raped are still forced to go through difficult court appearances where personal details of their lives are dragged up in attempts to make out it was all their fault. How can we criticise persecution when this country hounded a female prime minister out of office while our media cheered it on?

      I haven’t mentioned the effects of the filthy, illegal war on Iraqi women. That’s a whole other topic, a very unpleasant one.

  12. Putin & Trump signal new Russia-US partnership with 1st phone call on ISIS, trade & Ukraine

    n their first phone conversation that lasted nearly an hour, Russian President Vladimir Putin and the new US President Donald Trump have outlined their intent to cooperate on issues ranging from defeating Islamic State to mending bilateral economic ties.

    “Both sides expressed their readiness to make active joint efforts to stabilize and develop Russia-US cooperation on a constructive, equitable and mutually beneficial basis,” as well as “build up partner cooperation” on a wide range of international issues, according to a Kremlin statement following their discussion.

    The White House said that the “positive” conversation was “a significant start to improving the relationship between the United States and Russia that is in need of repair.”

    “Both President Trump and President Putin are hopeful that after today’s call the two sides can move quickly to tackle terrorism and other important issues of mutual concern,” the White House statement added.

    After speaking with Chancellor Merkel for 45 minutes @POTUS is now onto his 3rd of 5 head of government calls, speaking w Russian Pres Putin pic.twitter.com/RPAWIgcO2C
    — Sean Spicer (@PressSec) January 28, 2017

    “The Presidents have spoken in favor of establishing a real coordination between the US and Russian actions in order to defeat ISIS and other terrorist organizations in Syria,” the Kremlin statement said.

    The two leaders also discussed the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as well as Iran’s nuclear program. “Major aspects of the Ukrainian crisis have been also touched upon,” the Kremlin announced.

    The leaders of Russia and the US have noted a need to restore economic ties “to stimulate” further development of the relationship between the nations.

    Putin and Trump also agreed to initiate a process to “work out possible dates and venue of their personal meeting.”

    Telephone conversation with US President Donald Trump https://t.co/mjp9Tta1sE
    — President of Russia (@KremlinRussia_E) 28 января 2017 г.

    During the conversation the Presidents also expressed their desire to “maintain regular personal contacts,” the Kremlin statement said.


  13. The Guardian says Trump has agreed to honour the refugee deal. No mention of what Turnbull promised in exchange, or if it will ever happen, or when.

    A rather stupid article, more about ‘Ciobo says’ than about any deal between Fizza and Trump.


    Will Trump decide only Christian refugees will be accepted?

  14. women’s equality was enshrined

    Unless you were a Shia or Kurdish woman

    Oh and before anyone calls me a neo con, I opposed the Iraq war but I don’t regard Saddam era Iraq as the paradise that the more looney sections of the left believe it was.

    • It was no paradise that is for sure but it sure as hell didn’t have the religious nutters so far off the leash. GL I think you are on a list of those least likely to suffer from “neoconism” .

    • We can’t talk. This country’s discrimination against indigenous women and, increasingly, Muslim women is appalling.

      Indigenous women die in custody and no-one says a word.

    • I honestly don’t know why anyone is really surprised at this. For the last 16 years people have been pointing out those figures from the CATO Institute quoted in the article. Together with the known proselytising by the Saudi Wahabi sect that has been particularly nasty to anyone who dares challenge their vision of what Islam might be, it surprises me constantly that people from Saudi Arabia are allowed to access the USA so easily. But then I remember that Saudi Arabia is sitting on some of the world’s biggest oil reserves, and I can’t help but wonder how the Koch brothers and their oil company friends will treat the them when those reserves run dry.

  15. A federal judge has granted a stay on deportations for people who arrived in the US with valid visas but were detained on entry, following President Donald Trump’s executive order to halt travel from seven Muslim-majority countries.

    The stay is only a partial block to the broader executive order, with the judge stopping short of a broader ruling on its constitutionality. Nevertheless, it was an early, significant blow to the new administration


Comments are closed.