Sunday Satire: Rorting as a Profession

I was reading the comments on Jennifer Wilson’s latest (and excellent) post – I’m flying myself to the footy & I’m wearing Hugo Boss suck it up you sexist socialist serfs – when I came across a magnificent gem from someone named Frank.

Definitely worth a star turn in its own right . . . I hope Guest Author Frank will forgive me for having appropriated his witty words.

Fairfax; Louise Kennerley

I actually don’t mind politicians that rort the system as it proves to my mind that they have initiative and the necessary entrepreneurial skill to dream big and kick a few goals for Australia whilst enriching their own pockets! Nation building is thirsty work so who cares if a few bob goes missing as long as they are kicking goals and rebuilding the country Donald Trump style?! It all goes around anyway. Resist the urge to be jealous of other’s success. Learn from them. I did it with my tradesmen when I paid them in brown paper bags to escape the tax man. None of them ever complained. Theft is the natural order for Australians.

The problem is one of management. Greens should stick to their main theme of being frugal managers and stewards of the planet and general useless pricks who should just ride bicycles around to their local communist branch or go ride hot air-balloons into a windmill or brick wall or gallop on the backs of pink unicorns or bugger-up fairies in search of someone to annoy.

Labor are a tad more realistic and should organise a suitable union to roster the rorting on a democratic basis, equally and fairly with a flotilla of social justice warriors, so all can rip off public funds equally and fairly, including a suitable kickback to their head union delegate – providing they can demonstrate some ability to run the country without sending it broke! This is really a quandary or a major hurdle which is richly disputed that they can do just that as their skill in organizing roots in brothels is always questioned by their Liberal overlords so the jury is till out that they can form or perform any useful function as a credible government without stabbings or murdering one another on a regular basis.

Which leaves it to the Liberals to do all the rorting for Australia. Liberals are like silky otters when it comes to performing payment for services rendered. They can navigate rapids and perilous waters on the Gold Coast whilst negotiating the purchase of a block of units or flat for themselves whilst pretending they are off on official affairs of state. Liberals like beavers are the natural builders of Australia’s economy so should be listened to when they have their hand in your back pocket, so in fairness wouldn’t it be best to put your trust in professional rorters rather than amateur rorters? You wouldn’t let a dodgy plumber fix your bathroom, would you?


401 thoughts on “Sunday Satire: Rorting as a Profession

  1. Red Dwarf cast: Who’s coming back?

    The core four of Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Robert Llewellyn and Danny John-Jules are all back on board as Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and Cat, respectively.

    It has yet to be announced if any other former cast members including Norman Lovett or Chloe Annett could be making a comeback.

  2. Good morning Dawn Patrollers.

    “Jobs and Growth”? Yeah, sure!
    Michael Gordon on why Baird’s departure is bad news for Turnbull. SA’s Jay Weatherill is very disappointed at the departure too .
    Quentin Dempster says that Baird’s resignation has put the Coalition in political no-man’s land.
    Is Potatohead feeling a bit sick?
    The Centrelink issue is one of those that is totally indefensible. But the ideologues are trying hard.
    And Nick Xenophon will move to decriminalise certain types of public service whistleblowing. He says the prevention political embarrassment should not be the reason for the statutes.
    There is a smell of somebody buying on price alone here.
    The president of the Philippines has launched a tirade at priests and bishops critical of his crackdown on illegal drugs, accusing them of homosexuality, corruption and child abuse. Are he and the Catholic church are heading for a showdown.
    Andrew Street and Baird’s legacy.
    America and the world will soon be craving that Obama Cool again writes this New York Times columnist. Trump may dismantle Obamacare and pull out of the Paris climate accord. But he cannot undo Obama’s legacy of dignity and old-fashioned virtue, and the impression he made on all of us he says.

  3. Section 2 . . .

    Mike Baird always made clear he was a visitor to politics. He said he wanted to make a difference then move on. With his shock resignation on Thursday he has stayed true to his word. The SMH editorial contrasts his successes and failures.
    The things we didn’t know about Gladys. I wish her well.
    Jenna Price gives the men of the NSW Liberal Party five good reasons to pick Gladys.
    The AFR says Gladys ticks all the boxes except one – a public profile. Google. (I don’t think the cartoonists will struggle with the profile though).
    A new report shines a light on the growing powers of the Minister. When norms like the presumption of innocence are challenged, we all lose, writes Max Chalmers.
    Industry super funds have outperformed their retail rivals over the year and the decade, while also dominating a new top 10 ranking. So what’s the problem with them?
    Why doesn’t Frydenberg go in to bat for species other than whales asks Dr Oisin Sweeney.,9938
    SA Liberals are in a feeding frenzy in the wake of former leader Isobel Redmond’s retirement announcement. Google.
    Can Greg Hunt elevate the issue of prevention when it comes to health care?
    A worrying look at the WA economy and what the future holds.

  4. Section 3 . . .

    Disclosure of senior public servants’ interests should also be on the table.
    Matthew Beard tells us that the travel rorts saga is not about compliance bat rather it’s about political ethics.
    We should learn how to leave work on time according to this top recruiter.
    A reasonably balanced article from Richo on the issue f entitlements. Google.
    Is North Korea planning a surprise for Donald Trump?
    Huffington Post contributors look at how the Trump presidency will change America.
    This crim certainly shot his bolt!
    What’s $100 million between friends?
    Tom Elliott calls for a new political party to better represent normal people. Google.
    Some good advice for Nick Kyrgios.

  5. Section 5 . . . Cartoon Corner

    Matt Golding and Nick Kyrgios.

    I love this effort from Mark David!

    What an absolute ripper from David Rowe on the race to replace Mike Baird!

    Andrew Dyson and the five stages of Centrelink.

    And just look at this one from David Pope! Brilliant.

    And Matt Golding introduces the new oversight body on politicians’ expenses.

    Bill Leak on Trump’s respect for Obama.

  6. Gladys as premier –

    The NSW Liberals must be in deep trouble if they are going to allow a woman to be premier. She’s doomed to lose the next election, just the willingness of the factions to elect her on a unity ticket tells us that.

    Labor doesn’t sacrifice chaps when an election loss looks likely, they throw a woman to the wolves. Think about all the Labor women who have been made premier in various states after the resignation of a male. Carmen Lawrence, Joan Kirner, Lara Giddings and Kristina Keneally. They all shared the same fate – a whopping big defeat at the next election, after a few short years in office. Anna Bligh managed to win one election – just – after taking over after Beattie resigned.

    Now the Libs are following the same tactic. Gladys may be better than any of the available chaps, which isn’t saying much in her favour because just one chimpanzee would be better than all of them combined, but is she going to be supported by the backstabbers and wannabes in her party? Probably not. Will the media gush over her the way they gushed over Baird? Of course not, she’s a woman. Everything she does will be criticised, no matter how wise or clever she is.

    If Dominic Perrottet is the next best choice then the Libs are in terrible, terrible strife. Perrottet is a fruitloop of the highest order, an ambitious man, a devout Catholic and a devious liar. He is not to be trusted. He would be the worst possible choice for a future leader but there he is, tipped to be deputy leader.

    What a shame the next election is two years away. NSW deserves better than this mob.

    • On RN yesterday I heard the tail end of an interview with some “veteran NSW political reporter” . He reckoned that although Gladys was easily the most talented the “pool of misogyny ” in NSW Libs was so deep that the chaps would not elect her.

  7. A 14-month-old baby was bitten by his family’s rottweiler this Thursday morning in the town of Saint-Aubin (Aisne). Despite the intervention of the firemen, he did not survive his injuries. The drama took place around 11:30 am at the family home. According to the first elements of the investigation, “the dog would have jumped on the little girl who was in the courtyard of her house with her mother and bit her at the head,” the gendarmerie told AFP, Confirming information from France 3 Picardie.
    Another dog, a Russian jack, would also have bitten the little girl. When the firefighters arrived there, the child, born in November 2015, “was in cardiorespiratory arrest, unfortunately, he could not be resuscitated, he died on the spot,” they said.

    I tend to blame the owners.

  8. Two items in BK’s links really stood out for me because of the opposing messages they gave/

    First, this one –
    If you stay back late at work this year, you’re doing something wrong

    If you stay back at work then you are not working efficiently. We need to try harder to get a good work-life balance. We need to make sure we bolt out of the office right on closing time because no-one is being paid to stay back a few minutes to send that extra email. Finally a grudging admission that some careers don’t fit the nine-to-five mould, giving doctors and police as examples and completely overlooking the most obvious example – teachers.

    Then there was this –
    How Woonona High School turned around its HSC results

    An excellent example of just how hard teachers work, and not just teachers making a difference in one school. In this example most of the extra work – the meetings with parents, the study group, the before school tutoring – was being done outside school hours and there was no mention of the hours of work those teachers put in at home every night and at weekends and during holidays. A doctor working those hours would be financially compensated, a police officer is paid overtime and penalty rates for shift work, but teachers just get their salary and nothing more, no matter how many extra hours they work, or how long they stay back after school, or how early in the morning they turn up for work. What teachers get is abuse from ignorant people and politicians like Andrew Laming, constant jibes about all those holidays, and only working nine-to three. We don’t value teachers at all in this country and that is a disgrace.

  9. Now I don’t like to be churlish, but didn’t the Victorian government do all the negotiations between Alcoa and AGL

    And hasn’t the state government bailed Alcoa out

    So what’s Turnbull doing in Portland

  10. The demeaning work the untouchables have to do:

    Each night across India, people known as Dalit or “oppressed” prepare for their daily task – removing human excrement from dry latrines by hand. Locked into this traditional – and illegal practice – by upper-caste Hindus, with the frequent complicity of local officials, the lower-caste communities who engage in “manual scavenging” are barred from alternative work under threats of violence, eviction, and alienation.
    There are around 1.2 million “manual scavengers” in India, 90 per cent of whom are women. Workers often rewarded by a few crumbs of stale bread and or a few rupees – never more than €10 a year. They also endure side-effects like constant nausea and headaches, respiratory and skin diseases, anaemia and carbon monoxide poisoning. Innately demeaning, the practice also reinforces the deeply ingrained Hindu trope that 167 million Indians are “untouchable”, or innately polluted from birth.

  11. Leyonhjelm does it for attention, he loves those headlines. Probably best not to feed him by giving him the attention he craves.

  12. Fizza will be entertaining his boss at Kirribilli tomorrow.

    Rupert Murdoch, Malcolm Turnbull to break bread at Kirribilli House

    While the usual laundry list of bank bosses and resources Rich Listers will line the historic patio tomorrow arvo, sweating stubbies in hand, the plight of working families worn heavily on their brows, it’s the presence of a media mogul that’ll lend the reception a certain je ne sais quoi! Yup, the Sun King himself, Rupert Murdoch, and his live-in carer Jerry Hall, are down to attend. KRM’s Gulfstream 650 is expected on the tarmac at Sydney’s Kingsford Smith Airport on Friday

    As it’s an official function at the PM’s official residence we will be paying for Rupert’s lunch, drinks, whatever, plus providing for all the other free-loading bigwigs who have been invited.

    We can only stand outside the gates and watch as our money is frittered away.

    • The words on that Wizard of Id title might have been mentioned in a certain Moscow hotel by a certain tangerine man 4 years ago.

  13. It’s 24 degrees the rain is falling heavily, the kangaroos are cropping like there is no tomorrow


    Hope joe is safe from the bushfires

  14. The fire atm is a fair way from us now. Its on the western side of the sunshine motorway. It did jump across the motorway to our side yesterday but I,m pretty confident that we are in no danger. We have set up three water troughs along our back fence that backs onto the national park to hopefully give some poor wildlife some fresh water while they try and escape. . As I write this the water bombers just flew over our place , hopefully they will help .

  15. Malcolm Roberts replied to Leyonhjelm’s disgusting tweet with these words – “Brilliant. One of those things I wished I had thought of first”.

    He has deleted the tweet, but not before it was copied.

    Now he is claiming his words were taken out of context. What a despicable, cowardly,lying piece of crap he is.

    I wish there was a way to have these to scumbags removed from the senate. NSW and Queensland deserve better representation than this.

    • I’d just like to say thanks for sharing this link, Jaeger. I was just about to make a post asking if there was possibly any progressive Australian podcasts around the internet at the moment, given that I’ve been listening to progressive American podcasts lately like The Young Turks. I’ll be sure to have a listen to them shortly.

  16. Is iust a problem with the way I look at things, or is Zoe Daniels on the ABC positively pleased that Trump got elected?

  17. George Soros gets it (and has done so for a long time):

    Billionaire hedge fund manager George Soros on Thursday reiterated his belief that US President-elect Donald Trump is “an imposter and con man and a would-be dictator.”

    Soros, 86, said at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, that he is convinced the president-elect will fail.

    “He stands for that other form of government, which is the opposite of an open society,” said Soros, who is a Holocaust survivor and Hungarian immigrant.

    “It’s really better described as a dictatorship or a mafia state.”

    Soros said Trump “would be a dictator if he could get away with it,” but that US institutions are strong enough to prevent that scenario. He also said the ideas that guide Trump are “inherently contradictory” and that those contradictions are embodied by his advisers.

    Uncertainty, he said, is “at a peak” right now.

    “It’s impossible to predict how Trump is going to act because he hasn’t actually thought it through,” Soros said. “He didn’t expect to win. … He was engaged in building his brand.”

    Asked how the business community should deal with Trump going forward, Soros said, “I will keep as far away from it as I can.”

    On the topic of international relations and global trade, Soros said China will be “greatly helped” by Trump.

  18. Despicable behaviour by the Turnbull government.

    While everyone was in shock after today’s Melbourne tragedy the government decided to make two announcements. Getting the bad news out there while the media is distracted by a horrible event – just wonderful.

    Scummo announced a ‘review’ (we all know what that means) of NDIS costs.

    Of course, Scummo could pay for a bigger and better NDIS than Labor ever planned by not going ahead with his $50 billion tax cuts for big business, but that’s not on this government’s agenda. They prefer attacking those who can’t fight back.

    Next – Frydenberg approved the very controversial expansion of the Acland coal mine on the Darling Downs.

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