Sunday Satire: Rorting as a Profession

I was reading the comments on Jennifer Wilson’s latest (and excellent) post – I’m flying myself to the footy & I’m wearing Hugo Boss suck it up you sexist socialist serfs – when I came across a magnificent gem from someone named Frank.

Definitely worth a star turn in its own right . . . I hope Guest Author Frank will forgive me for having appropriated his witty words.

Fairfax; Louise Kennerley

I actually don’t mind politicians that rort the system as it proves to my mind that they have initiative and the necessary entrepreneurial skill to dream big and kick a few goals for Australia whilst enriching their own pockets! Nation building is thirsty work so who cares if a few bob goes missing as long as they are kicking goals and rebuilding the country Donald Trump style?! It all goes around anyway. Resist the urge to be jealous of other’s success. Learn from them. I did it with my tradesmen when I paid them in brown paper bags to escape the tax man. None of them ever complained. Theft is the natural order for Australians.

The problem is one of management. Greens should stick to their main theme of being frugal managers and stewards of the planet and general useless pricks who should just ride bicycles around to their local communist branch or go ride hot air-balloons into a windmill or brick wall or gallop on the backs of pink unicorns or bugger-up fairies in search of someone to annoy.

Labor are a tad more realistic and should organise a suitable union to roster the rorting on a democratic basis, equally and fairly with a flotilla of social justice warriors, so all can rip off public funds equally and fairly, including a suitable kickback to their head union delegate – providing they can demonstrate some ability to run the country without sending it broke! This is really a quandary or a major hurdle which is richly disputed that they can do just that as their skill in organizing roots in brothels is always questioned by their Liberal overlords so the jury is till out that they can form or perform any useful function as a credible government without stabbings or murdering one another on a regular basis.

Which leaves it to the Liberals to do all the rorting for Australia. Liberals are like silky otters when it comes to performing payment for services rendered. They can navigate rapids and perilous waters on the Gold Coast whilst negotiating the purchase of a block of units or flat for themselves whilst pretending they are off on official affairs of state. Liberals like beavers are the natural builders of Australia’s economy so should be listened to when they have their hand in your back pocket, so in fairness wouldn’t it be best to put your trust in professional rorters rather than amateur rorters? You wouldn’t let a dodgy plumber fix your bathroom, would you?


401 thoughts on “Sunday Satire: Rorting as a Profession

  1. Of course Applauline Hanson would say nothing . One of her 2GB demographic’s most dearly held passions is bashing “dole bludgers” . “solo mums” etc. Up there with bashing “Abbos” and the bashing the vilified migrants de jour. A vile person

  2. They that sow the wind, shall reap the whirlwind.

    After threats were received, the billboard was removed by the outdoor media company which hosted it, according to the Victorian minister for multicultural affairs, Robin Scott.
    “There were a series of complaints, some of which were of an abusive and threatening nature, that were made to the organisation QMS that put the billboard up,” Scott said.

    A spokesman for QMS said the company would not be making any comment in relation to threats that “may or may not have been made”. The spokesman referred questions to Scott and refused to comment on whether the alleged threats had been investigated or referred to police before the decision was made to remove the billboard.

    Crowdfunding raises $50,000 for new Australia Day campaign with girls in hijabs

    Campaign hits fundraising target in first seven hours, while a separate petition calls to reinstate the Australia Day billboard

  3. Some may say tokenism

    West Australian Aboriginal MP Ken Wyatt will become the first Indigenous person to be promoted to the ministry, as part of Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull’s frontbench reshuffle.

    Mr Wyatt — who was the first Indigenous Australian elected to the House of Representatives in 2010 — will serve as Minister for Aged Care and Indigenous Health.

    The Prime Minister said the Member for Hasluck was an ideal choice for the two portfolios given his experience in the public service.

    He hasn’t been particularly forthcoming in standing up for aboriginal rights, as far as I can remember.

  4. Re Ken Wyatt. Jeebus Straya is a bit slow. Over the Ditch

    ……..known to Māori as Timi Kara, , was a New Zealand politician of Irish and Ngāti Kahungunu (Māori) descent. Beginning his career as an interpreter and land agent, Carroll was elected to the Eastern Maori seat in 1887. He was acting Colonial Secretary (equivalent to the Minister of Internal Affairs) from 1897 to 1899. He was the first Māori to hold the cabinet position of Minister of Native Affairs, which he held between 1899 and 1912. He was held in high regard within the Liberal Party and was acting prime minister in 1909 and 1911

  5. People can wear what they want but i have an issue with the hijab because of its religious derivation. Those weird Middle Eastern religions have a thing about “wimmin’s” hair be they Jewish , Muslim or in the not to distant past Xtian. All a bit of an insult to the chaps as the need to cover hair is due to our supposed tendency to turn into lustful beasts at the sight of it.

    That said Vote 1 NiqaBitch 🙂

    “Deux femmes françaises se promenant dans les rues de Paris dans un niqab, jambes nues et mini-shorts en tant que critique de la loi récemment adoptée en France.”

    • Given the hysterical reaction by Mr Barnett to Ms Hanson’s “blert” about burkha wearing females in WA (and Australia in general) I must confess my temptation to start wearing a headscarf or a yalmuka just to annoy all those who tell me (and other women, never men) not to “because it is a religious garb”
      Is Ms Hanson and her ilk going to express distaste for the religious observation in Australian primary schools of “no hat, no play” next?

      Can I suggest that Ms Hanson no longer wear horizontal striped tops because, according to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the wearing of horizontal stripes (particularly by women of a certain age) should only happen on Holy Days, as designated by the Farinaceous One!

  6. women can wear what they want. men can wear what they want.

    i do not agree with any religion telling men or women or kids what to wear. it is a way of strengthening group adhesion and cohesion. to be part of something you need to be able to spot non group persons. dress is the easiest way. if it involves sacrifice of personal comfort, then the effect is stronger. Jewish women wearing wigs because hIr should be hidden, headscarves etc in some religions, hats in church.

    I think, within the bounds pf hygiene, anyone can wear anything or nothing without the state or religions
    having any say in it.

    i suppose i am a clothing libertarian

  7. Nah, just weather

    2016 was the hottest year on record, setting a new high for the third year in a row, with scientists firmly putting the blame on human activities that drive climate change.

    The final data for 2016 was released on Wednesday by the three key agencies – the UK Met Office and Nasa and Noaa in the US – and showed 16 of the 17 hottest years on record have been this century.

    Direct temperature measurements stretch back to 1880, but scientific research indicates the world was last this warm about 115,000 years ago and that the planet has not experienced such high levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere for 4m years.

    In 2016, global warming delivered scorching temperatures around the world. The resulting extreme weather means the impacts of climate change on people are coming sooner and with more ferocity than expected, according to scientists.

  8. Good morning Dawn Patrollers.

    Michael Gordon brands Hunt as Minister for Damage Control.
    Phil Coorey says that Turnbull may have accepted that Abbott is the cross he will have to bear. Google.
    Urban Wronski writes that the Turnbull government should be shut down for fraud.
    Such a typical response from Centrelink. Let’s see what a Senate inquiry shines the light on.
    Bill O”Chee tells us that Pauline Hanson isn’t just like other politicians – she’s worse! It’s all about her ego he says.–shes-worse-20170118-gttnu4.html
    The SMH calls for a federal ICAC.
    The world’s major meteorological agencies have declared 2016 to be the hottest year on record – making it three new highs in as many years – as increases in greenhouse gases drove global warming. The chart in the article is horrendous.
    Paul McGeough tells Trump to fort the “rigged” polls and count the buses. Even the rapacious hotels are telling the same story.
    Thomas Friedman reckons he knows how Trump could stop being such a jerk. Sound advice.
    What will the world be like if Donald Trump is able to do everything he flagged in his election campaign? Google,

  9. Section 2 . . .

    Fast food boss Andrew Puzder is the new administration’s labour secretary nominee – despite his endorsement of adverts that objectify women. Trump can certainly pick ’em!
    The Australian says that pressure is building on Soapy over his “boys own adventure” in Queensland. Google.
    Prize dickhead/narcissist Malcolm Roberts pestered the Australian Embassy for Trump inauguration tickets. So much for the big invite!
    Ashbygate investigator and Sydney bureau chief Ross Jones catches Pauline Hanson out telling porkie pies about her travel arrangements and expenses. It looks like there’s more to come on this story!,9934
    It seems that the Australia Day hijab billboard will be going back up again thanks to some rapid crowd-funding. Suck it up rednecks!
    One on indulgence, your worship. For someone who dishes up such hearty helpings of intentionally provocative bile each week, conservative commentator Miranda Devine is extraordinarily averse to fair criticism. The AFR’s Joe Aston goes after one of our favourites. Google.
    It’s time Nick Kyrgios found some proper help.
    David Uren calls out Abbott’s “big bang” reform as a “real fizzer”. Google.
    Now the fraud squad has descended upon the NSW RSL headquarters. And it’s every man for himself!
    The demand for aged care is dramatically outstripping capacity in many regions.

  10. Section 3 . . .

    With Trump’s economy we should hope for the best but plan for the worst writes Lawrence Summers from the Washington Post.
    Stephen Koukoulas rejoices a further reduction in smoking rates in Australia. A win for the nanny state he says.
    A new report has exposed serious flaws in the way bankers are paid to sell financial products, but it stopped short of calling for an outright ban, prompting fears the bank-funded review will not go far enough to prevent dodgy sales and alleviate pressure on staff. More support for the push for a Royal Commission.
    The long arm of the law now holds DNA testing as is evidenced by this arrest.
    You’d hardly say One Nation has been quick on the uptake with the Centrelink issue. Although Burston’s statements are indeed apt.
    Charming! Another business owner gets pinged in a big way over serial underpayment of workers. He could end up doing porridge. And there are signs the the Fair Work Ombudsman is getting tougher.
    Thousands of Victorian buyers who bought off-the-plan apartments due to be completed this year could struggle to finance their purchases and face losing their deposits because of new minimum design standards requiring more space. What a mess!
    An advertising campaign from Dunlop Volley has the ACL all fired up (or something else!).

  11. Section 4 . . . Cartoon Corner

    Matt Golding on the reshuffle.

    Alan Moir and something on Turnbull’s mind.

    Mark David absolutely nails Greg Hunt’s appointment.

    And he has another crack at Trump.

    David Rowe makes sense of the cabinet shuffle.

    David Pope and the Centrelink robots.

    And he looks at Dr Greg Hunt.

    On Melbourne streets with Macca.
    Bill Leak returns to his usual standard.

  12. The ABC this morning was salivating over the appointment of Greg “Our New Health Minister” Hunt.

    Mental Health will be revolutionized because Greg’s Mum had a bipolar condition. Why… he even made a speech about it in 2010!

    Mental Health gurus Australia-wide were dancing in the streets. One after another they welcomed the new Messiah Of Wellness. Jesus and Lazarus were nothing on what Greg was going to do with the new portfolio.

    My only question is: why did Malcolm wait so long, keeping the plodding Su$$an Ley in the job, when he had the talent, the sympatico, the energy, the sheer brilliance of Hunt itching to have a go at healing the nation’s sick?

    We are just so lucky that the Greedy Pilot couldn’t control her property urges. Otherwise The World’s Greatest Minister might not have been given the chance to deliver his special brand of magic to the crook of Australia.

    Yes. The ABC this morning was THAT chuck-inducing.

    It’ll all be repeated at 8am on the full “AM” show. Have a listen, if youse don’t believe me.

  13. Turnbull’s troops (and his fans at The Oz) are getting worried about his do-nothing approach.

    This is a laugh –

    MPs are hungry to pick a fight with Labor — welfare reform, energy policy and immigration are all areas ripe for a political battle that the Coalition can win — but they need direction from the top and policy differentiation to do so

    These are all things this government is failing at because what policies they do have are dismal failures. Centrelink robo-dent fiasco, rising emissions/refusal to advance renewable energy fiasco, immigration costs and human rights abuses fiasco. They should rename the party – Fiascos ‘R Us.

    Turnbull’s nothing approach is making his MPs nervous
    Google –

  14. OK, I listened to Grunt on AM.


    Cherry-picking, trying to find an atom of good news in Grunt’s appointment.

    Let’s look at an earlier speech, Grunt’s first speech to parliament on 18 February 2002.What did he say about health back then?

    I believe that there are also five key social imperatives facing Australia over the next 20 years. The first is building on the achievements of the last six years, which have seen private health care coverage make the extraordinary leap from 30 per cent of Australians in 1998 to 45 per cent of Australians in 2001.

    The next expansion in private health coverage is, I believe, through employer incentives for the inclusion of health care in workplace arrangements—perhaps through creative ways of excluding employer health care from the fringe benefits tax regime. The result of this, the freeing of resources which private health care generates—it is not about some special system of privilege, it is about freeing resources for the rest of society—will allow even greater funding to be directed to our elderly, who, as the then new member for Bennelong said in his first speech in 1974—when, incidentally, I was eight years old—`face the twin threats of loneliness and alienation’. The same threats and challenges are with us today

    Back then Grunt wanted a US-style health system, where employers fund your private cover and those who are unemployed or who have employers that can’t or won’t do that just go without. Back to the bad old days when people without cover were treated – if they were lucky – as charity cases and if no doctor felt inclined to take them on they just died.

    Has he changed his thinking on this? Of course not.

    Mediscare is alive and well. Labor should be able to have a wonderful time with Grunt. Fizza’s decision to have the health minister in the reps will not work out in the way he hoped.

    But hey! Grunt’s wife is or was a ‘surgical nurse’ so apparently that as well as his mother’s mental illness and her nursing background makes him admirably qualified for the job.

    Extra – the assistant minister for rural health is Dr David Gillespie. Dave was probably hoping for a promotion, but being a National that was never going to happen. Dave (formerly my MP before last year’s boundary changes) is a real doctor with real surgical experience. He’s also very keen on the private health system, it made him a very wealthy man. He’s better qualified for a health portfolio than Mr ‘my mum and my wife were nurses and my mum was bi-polar’ Grunt, but being a mere Nat he has to be happy with a few crumbs from the Liberal table.

  15. tlbd

    I had to look up Anosognosia (which in spell check comes up as diagnosis). You have nailed it. How’s the holiday going? Must check your blog again, great pics.

  16. His retirement surprised senior colleagues who consider treasurer, Gladys Berejiklian, the obvious successor.

    If the NSW libs are seriously considering a female leader, their polling must be very rocky.

  17. Baird has destroyed every public institution in NSW from hospitals to education to TAFE to transport and more. He’s run out of stuff to wreck so he’s off. Good riddance.

    Maybe he was given an offer he couldn’t refuse – get out now or we will spill the beans.

    Or maybe he has been offered a very lucrative position on the board of a CSG/mining company as a reward for services rendered.

    • Possible.

      As Baird’s electorate is pretty much the same as Abbott’s electorate and Baird obviously has a lot of local support there’s a chance it could be Warringah, but how do they get rid of Tony?

      I can’t see a devoutly Anglican North Shore boy moving to the rather Jewish Wentworth though. North Shore types don’t like moving south of the harbour. It’s just not done.

  18. this UBI idea doesn’t get a lot of coverage in Australia, bu you hear mumurings about it from policy wonks in Australia. I’m tipping it will get more attention one day, which the Right will encourage, then twist into something really bad for us all.

  19. Leone,

    I can’t see a devoutly Anglican North Shore boy moving to the rather Jewish Wentworth though. North Shore types don’t like moving south of the harbour.

    If the smiling assassin were to be parachuted into Fed Parliament, I agree Wahringah is far more likely. Baird is way too conservative for Wentworth, which contains a large number of lib voters disappointed in fizza’s failure to live up to his ‘firm’ principles regarding climate change, same sex marriage etc.

    • It all depends on Fizza being able to persuade Tony to accept that High Commissioner to London post.

      it’s no secret that post has been Abbott’s, if he wanted it, ever since Turnbull became PM. It would make everyone happy – Abbott gets to live in a mansion in London, hang out with his beloved royals and gets a whopping huge salary increase plus perks. Turnbull gets Abbott out of his hair. Mike Baird takes over Warringah and moves one step closer to being PM.

  20. Centrelink systematically ripping off its clients and not correcting errors unless a client points them out –

    That has been going on for years. About 30 years ago I’d had problems with Centrelink cutting my parenting payment because of their shonky procedures. I’d managed to resolve it in my favour, but it took a lot of effort to do that. I was discussing my adventures with a social worker from a school I was doing some work at and she said this was very common. People on part-time or casual work, as I was, would do the right thing and report their income. Centrelink would then assume a few days worth of casual work was actually a regular job, would decide the income for those days was your real, full-time income and would cut your benefit back to almost nothing or just cancel it. The social worker told me she had helped a lot of people deal with this tactic, but not everyone was assertive enough to go through the rigmarole necessary to prove they were right and would just give up and suffer on a pittance.

    About ten years later No 2 son was being underpaid youth allowance. I did all I could to try to get his payment back where it should be, but with no success until a very nice man rang to tell me he had looked at the file and there was no mistake. We had a long conversation. I am always very polite and nice to people from government departments, you get attention in the right way by being calm and polite. During the conversation I mentioned problems No 1 son had had with Centrelink. (They had demanded he repay a full year’s worth of Austudy after mistakenly assuming he had not been studying that year. No amount of documentation would convince them otherwise. They had decided there was a debt and that was that. It took many months to get it sorted in our favour.) This man was shocked. We ended the phone call, but within half an hour he rang back. He had been through the file again, carefully, and yes, I was right. There was an underpayment. He promised the shortfall – a few months worth by this time – would be in No 2 son’s bank account within days (it was) and reinstated the full payment. He probably got hauled over the coals for dong that.

    Nothing has changed. They are still doing these things, except now it is a robo-monster making the assumptions instead of a human being.

    Centrelink has long been about clawing back money just because they can. They know too many clients are not well educated, have no idea of their rights and lack the ability to sort out any problems. If you do point out an error you may be abused by staff or told you are just a silly woman who doesn’t understand Centrelink’s calculations. (I’ve had both those experiences.) I think anyone who has ever dealt with Centrelink for anything but an age pension will have had similar experiences.

    This scumbag government has made everything worse by cutting funding for community legal centres who once might have helped victims of robo-debt but now just don’t have the resources to do that.

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