SIAbbott Turnbull Renaissance
Ah… memories!

Remember how they moved the Budget forward so that the timetable for a DD would fit the Constitution?

Remember how important it was to “reform” the Senate so that cross-benchers couldn’t dominate it?

Remember how vital the ABCC bill was? And how the journos told us that this time Turnbull had a sure-fire election issue? Yep, the Great Reckoning of 2016 was going to be on industrial relations: unarguably a Coalition winner.

(This was after the election was also centered on States rights, income tax, education funding, negative gearing, boats, and of course, terrorism. Turnbull had shown us all “how it’s done”).

Remember how “bold”, “brilliant” and “decisive” Turnbull was? Or so we were informed, breathlessly.

The long election campaign was going to do Bill Shorten slowly. He’d run out of steam by the end of it. Not to worry that the Coalition ran out of steam instead, and Turnbull had to chip in $2 million to buy the party the last fortnight’s worth of telly. “Jobs and Growth” hammered at us from all directions, on all channels, day and night and night and day: that did the trick.

They might have used the $4 million the NSW Electoral Commission was withholding, but Baird would have had to say where their real money came from first (and with so many apartments going up all over and above Sydney, and tunnels beneath it, admissions like that might have caused embarrassment in certain circles).

Remember Mediscare? How absolutely ridiculous it was to say that Turnbull intended to hive it off, bit by bit! Another Labor lie! Geez, that’s all they do! Malcolm got the AFP onto them. But even they yawned.

And at last we’d get some sense on Climate Change! Malcolm had already shown in 2009 that he was prepared to die in a ditch for that. He was sure to do it again, just as soon as he finished slagging off South Australian windfarms, and thenVictoria for closing down dirty brown coal.

We were going to have an exciting Innovation Nation. We’d all be writing apps, or something. With the CSIRO now leaner and meaner after mass retrenchments, how could we fail? When asked by Andrew Bolt to name three things that Turnbull had done, Eric Abetz famously answered: “Innovation, Innovation, and Innovation.” That really meant something to Australians.

While it might look like nothing’s fucking happened in the over a year since Turnbull came along to turn this somnolent nation out of it antipodean torpor with pure excitement, that’s wrong. Hartcher told us Malcolm was really doing: “Simply governing”. “Governing’s” not sexy. “Governing’s” not exciting. But “governing” is what brilliant minds like Turnbull’s do best. A tactical thrust here on State income taxes, a feint there on 18C or The Plebiscite. A bold advance by massed union-bashing tanks to crash through a weak Bill Shorten, flattening a Labor party riven with factionalism. Malcolm would show them The Turnbull Method, and it wouldn’t be pretty. Kath Murphy assured us he was holding back the brilliance, all the better to deploy it with devastating effectiveness: once he’d gotten an opportunistic” and “cynical” Shorten out of the way, and dealt with the Monkey Pod in swingeing style.

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Malcolm was the fairest, after all.”

Turnbull Mirror

Malcolm has so many brilliant things to say at any one time, he occasionally appears to be tongue-tied. But that’s an illusion. He simply has trouble figuring out the very best way of putting {whatever-it-is-he-has-to-say} to the simple folk, the little guys like youse and me, so they can share in the inspiration. The hesitancy and what looks like waffling are Malcolm choosing his words carefully.

And there are so many words! There are enough thoughts, bon mots, insouciances, anecdotes and sheer inspirations inside that pumpkin head of his to keep Australia in words for 300 years. We’ll never run out of ’em. If only we could get the Chinese to buy them all, we’d wake up rich and stay that way!

Now that Australia has a sensible Senate with no crackpots, lurk merchants, incoherents, con men, thieves, sleeve-tuggers, gun nuts, tree clearers, religious cranks, CSIRO bashers, spivs, shonks, homophobes, pedophile obsessives, Hansonites, Trump supporters, refugee tragics,  or unelectable slime-bags with less than 100 votes, “simply governing” has become so much easier. Now that Malcolm has his own healthy Reps majority of “1”, and every morning every one of them has to be marked off the roll by Head Prefect Christopher Pyne, can there be any doubt that The People have flocked to his side? Now that Abbott has accepted his lot in life as the Human Doorstop, we’ll have no more aggro from that poisonous little corner, thankyouverymuch. We’ll soon be rid of Gillian Triggs, too. So there.

Now that the Press Gallery’s prediction has come true, and the Ship Of State sails in the right direction, we can get some wonderful, brilliant, exciting things done. Let’s not forget the scribblers were right about Tony Abbott… both times (and all the times in-between). And they were right about Malcolm Turnbull as he dazzled them with charm, brilliance and wit. It’s so so wonderful to have a policy-driven 4th Estate that eschews the temptations of ball-by-ball politics, governance as a horse race and rank partisanship in political coverage, not to say their utter rejection of hero worship. No “Labor Split!” click bait for them! Most of all it’s wonderful to have a press corps that is never wrong, by its own modest (and frequent) admission.

Malcolm is setting us up. He’s getting his ducks all in a row so he can shoot them down with one brilliant bullet. He’s feigning weakness to lull his enemies into a false sense of security. Then he’ll Strike. Etc.Etc.

Pity his enemies now appear to have been those with whom he once travelled in fellowship: gays, Climate scientists, alternative energizers, the Jews in his electorate, IT professionals, human rights advocates and leather coat manufacturers (by the way, what did happen to the leather coats?). More fool them. They fell for Malcolm, hook line and sinker. The only ones who’ve stuck with him are the Gallery and Lucy. Even the cat has left the building.

Any day now we’ll see the Master Plan, from The Master Planner.

  • We’ll learn how Malcolm’s NBN is the best in the world.
  • How Teh Evil Unions have been doubling construction costs so that Bob Day can not pay them even more than he not paid them before. Bludgers.
  • Why 18C is threatening the very fabric of our society.
  • How reducing pensions will toughen up octogenarians and make them more self-reliant.
  • We’ll be ahead of the World in emissions reduction (what am I saying? We’re already out in front! Greg Hunt’s job is done, and he’s done a real job on the environment, that’s for sure).
  • The gulaged in Nauru and Manus will shout with joy as “humanity breaks out” (Kath has a such a way with words, doesn’t she?).
  • Gays and lesbians will fall in love with him all over again, after a peaceful, tender, informed Plebiscite debate has blessed their unions with the traditional generosity towards sexual matters commonly found in key sections of Catholic Church, the Anglicans, the Salvos, the Marists and the Yeshivas, all of whom suffered the little children to be brought to them. And boy, did the little children suffer! The $7.5 million funding to be given out to spread this calming gospel is worth every cent, but only Malcolm Turnbull saw that. After all, the Plebiscite was an election promise, and the Coalition never breaks election promises. Some things remain sacred. Even when Tony Abbott thought of them first. That’s why Malcolm got rid of him. If Labor forces Malcolm to go back on his word (but not, funnily enough, on theirs), you can bet he’ll tell us “They broke a nation’s heart”.

All Malcolm needs now is for the “opportunistic” Opposition to stop Opposing. That’s so 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 (and in the last three they weren’t even the Opposition!). Even Tony agrees. And for the Senate to stop obstructing. And (I nearly forgot) for Tony Abbott to give up the guerilla warfare habits and backstabbing proclivities of a lifetime. Should be easy. The course ahead will then be clear to all, not just the political savants in the Press Gallery. Just all of them stop disagreeing with Malcolm for Chrissake!

Sleepers wake! Our never-been-so-exciting time in the sun is upon us! Certainty has triumphed over brutishness. Civilization over anarchy. We’re playing by Point Piper Rules now. Watch – and weep, doubters – as the well-oiled wheels turn.

Malcolm, the Renaissance Man, is still on his way, but will arriving any day now. When he does, at least there’ll be no need for this type of unpleasantness…

Turnbull potty Complete with Text


862 thoughts on “Memories…

  1. gigilene,

    About feedback here.

    I post things that I think others may find interesting. I also post stuff for my own satisfaction. I reply to others when I have something to say; not to tell them they are appreciated.

    The tenor of joe6pack’s blog is that exactly we all do.

    There is so much silent approval.

Comments are closed.