Lock Up Your Onions!

Guest Author Uncategorized

Puffy and Jaycee, my apologies. However, sometimes even the best submitted posts have to give way to something that really crunches the onion! As does the latest from Jennifer Wilson – with, as always, many thanks from The Pub.

No Place for Sheep

Abbott can’t take rejection. Hide your onions.

In what can only be inspirational news for the ALP, failed Prime Minister Tony Abbott has announced his intention to embark on a DIY election tour of marginal seats. This piece by Paula Matthewson spells out the possible consequences of this decision, none of which are especially enticing from the LNP point of view.

Abbott, it appears, is incapable of dealing with rejection by his party. He simply cannot accept their decision to lose him as leader. He’s lately taken to informing the public that of course he supports the Turnbull government because it’s built on Abbott policies. This claim led in turn to Turnbull’s bizarre plagiarising of a line from the US television series Veep, to the effect that what he signifies as Prime Minister is “continuity with change.” Julia Louis Dreyfus, star of the show, is reportedly “dumfounded” at Turnbull’s appropriation of a slogan writers decided upon solely because of its utter meaninglessness.

Obviously, the continuity with change to which Turnbull refers is his appropriation of Abbott’s policies (continuity) delivered to the people by the new PM whilst wearing a better suit (change).

If the Veep people are ever short of material they could do worse than check out the LNP: Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce threatening to slaughter Johnny Depp’s dogs, Bronwyn Bishop’s penchant for helicopter rides, Tony Abbott’s strange compulsion to publicly consume raw onions, George Brandis and his electrifying description of meta data, please, somebody stop me.

Few would disagree with Abbott’s belief that Turnbull’s government has retained his policies. However, the most relevant question Abbott apparently declines to ask himself is, why did his party get rid of him if it wasn’t about his policies? There had to be a sound reason for them to resort to the trouble and embarrassment of chucking him out, and in the chucking risk the ridicule of being perceived as just like the ALP with its Gillard/Rudd musical chairs.

The LNP is a gift that keeps on giving. Abbott is a gift that keeps on giving. His inability to deal with rejection is a godsend for the ALP. Have you all got your popcorn?

Cathy Wilcox

364 thoughts on “Lock Up Your Onions!”

  3. Good morning Dawn Patrollers. For the sake of certain Bludgers’ mental health I have refrained from posing today’s masturbational masterpiece from Mark Kenny.

    Michael Pascoe says that Turnbull’s push to stoke competitive federalism is politics rather than economic reform. A good spray.
    http://www.smh.com.au/business/the-economy/the-main-problem-it-is-the-wrong-tax-reform-20160330-gnupt2.html
    This AFR article by Jennifer Hewitt is less than flattering of Turnbull’s taxation efforts. (AGoogle job).
    /opinion/columnists/malcolm-turnbulls-tax-advance-hits-a-dead-end-20160331-gnvcpt
    Greg Jericho has worked Turnbull’s federalism push. It’s all about cutting services.
    http://www.theguardian.com/business/grogonomics/2016/mar/31/turnbulls-half-baked-tax-plan-its-really-more-about-cutting-services
    Lenore Taylor’s corollary is that if we want the services taxes will have to go up. She’s not impressed.
    http://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2016/mar/31/turnbull-schools-hospitals-plan-wont-work-unless-taxes-go-up
    Michelle Grattan says Turnbull’s plans are fraught.
    https://theconversation.com/grattan-on-friday-turnbulls-idea-of-commonwealth-withdrawing-from-funding-state-schools-is-fraught-57078
    From blissful newlyweds it’s gone to “It’s complicated”. Morrison and Turnbull.
    http://thenewdaily.com.au/news/2016/03/31/turnbull-morrison-its-complicated/
    Ben Eltham writes that with this tax train wreck the wheels are falling off the Turnbull government.
    https://newmatilda.com/2016/03/31/trainwreck-tax-turnbull-government/
    The world thinks we should lift our anti-corruption game. Come on! We’ve got the ABCC in the pipeline! We think.
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/the-world-thinks-australia-should-lift-its-anticorruption-game-20160331-gnv9pz.html
    The SMH editorial says Turnbull must fight the scourge of foreign bribery.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/smh-editorial/malcolm-turnbull-must-fight-scourge-of-foreign-bribery-20160330-gnuq5k.html
    More on yesterday’s feature on Unaoil’s bribery machine.
    http://www.smh.com.au/interactive/2016/the-bribe-factory/day-2/leighton-feature.html

  4. Section 2 . . .

    WorleyParsons is well and truly roped in on the bribery disclosure.
    http://www.smh.com.au/national/unaoil-scandal-draws-in-worleyparsons-peter-gregg-20160330-gnuqas.html
    The Senate will be investigating some of these bribery claims. Nice of Malcolm to bring them back to Canberra three weeks early! And it won’t just be politicians visiting Canberra.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/former-leighton-executives-to-be-called-to-senate-bribery-inquiry-20160331-gnvd8j.html
    Jess Irvine goes after Turnbull makes his most foolish decision yet – turning his back on public schools.
    http://www.smh.com.au/interactive/2016/the-bribe-factory/day-2/leighton-feature.html
    Matthew Knott also justifiably attacks Turnbull over school funding.
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/malcolm-turnbulls-schools-proposal-slammed-in-governments-own-green-paper-20160331-gnv1yt.html
    Turnbull has been accused of betraying public school students.
    http://thenewdaily.com.au/news/2016/03/31/turnbull-accused-betraying-public-school-students/
    “View from the Street” has its two bob’s worth on Turnbull’s brain fart de jour.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/view-from-the-street/view-from-the-street-we-dont-need-no-public-education-20160331-gnv69l.html
    This is not a good look!
    http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/it-smacks-of-elitism-public-school-accused-of-excluding-students-in-public-housing-20160331-gnuz4w.html
    Donald Trump’s misogyny is laying waste to the Republican Party.
    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/31/donald-trump-misogyny-destroying-republican-party
    Donald Trump – a politician of our times.
    http://urbanwronski.com/2016/03/31/donald-trump-a-politician-of-our-times/
    Last night Bill Shorten laid out what Labor would not support when it comes to SSM and related issues.
    http://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2016/mar/31/shorten-labor-wont-change-discrimination-laws-to-please-gay-marriage-opponents

  5. Section 3 . . .

    Waleed Aly writes on why Australia lies to itself about indigenous history.
    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/why-australia-lies-to-itself-about-its-indigenous-history-20160330-gnuo4t.html
    Hello hello! Some naughty business from the boys at the top at Target.
    http://www.smh.com.au/business/retail/wesfarmers-auditors-assist-in-target-supplier-probe-20160331-gnv1ka.html
    Arfur gets knocked down to the canvas by the NSW Electoral Commission (which, by the tone of its letter, is far from impressed with him).
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/senator-arthur-sinodinos-complaints-rejected-by-nsw-electoral-commission-20160331-gnvbr4.html
    The statistic that supports the Sydney lockout laws.
    http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/severe-facial-injuries-reduced-60-per-cent-since-lockouts-took-effect-20160331-gnv5pl.html

  6. Section 4 . . . Cartoon Corner

    Ron Tandberg at COAG.

    Alan Moir has Morrison fronting up to tell us of the tax reform plans.

    David Pope goes into the big top to introduce STEXIT.

    A nice little “Continuity with Change” effort from Andrew Dyson.

    Into the wild with John Spooner.

    Bill Leak gives us the amazing, death-defying Malcolm.
    http://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/9a2f39ff91cea8437ecde9b28b54c2e5?width=1024
    Rod Clement takes us into the High Commission in London.

    David Rowe at the dining table at COAG. I like the puckered bum.

  7. Is it true : Thunderclap Newman (“Something in the Air”) has passed away ; 78yrs.

  8. Daniel Andrews..!..What can you say..bloody good bloke…

    Jay, Dan…tear down that state boundary “wall”..lets make Victoria and Sth Aust’ one state…why not?..after all, we crow-eaters taught the Vic’s how to play footy…we can help them learn a couple of other things…I’m sure..

  9. ” Ben Eltham writes that with this tax train wreck the wheels are falling off the Turnbull government.”…Falling off ??!!..man, they are really gone..it’s already making the notorious “Trebbie” look like a Rolls Royce !

  10. I just had a look at that Credlin email from the previous page. How on earth can she expect four weeks’ notice for any news story? Things that happened four weeks ago aren’t even news any more.

    Doesn’t matter anyway I suppose. I’ve never watched Chris Kenny’s show, I’ve never watched Paul Murray, or Bolt, or Richo and Jones. I don’t even think I’ve seen Speers and Gilbert for about a year now. So there’s no chance I’ll be watching her thing. Shows based around commentary bore me anyway, and that goes triple when the commentary is biased. Everything you need to know about politics and political media in this country is contained in the choices of host, not the content of the shows.

    It’d be nice to think that a left wing media figure (I assume they still exist somewhere?) could get a media platform like that. But the way things are, even centrist positions are barely tolerated.

  11. Lenore Taylor gets it right – if we want services taxes will have to go up to pay for them.

    And who will cop the blame for those tax increases? The premiers and state governments, because they will be the ones paying for health and education.

    And Turnbull, anticipating a long reign as Supreme Ruler, assumes he will be able to handle complaints by shrugging ans saying ‘Nothing to do with me, it’s THEIR fault’.

    Clever plot, isn’t it. Not stopping the blame game at all, just making it worse.

    I hope the premiers have already worked it out and will kill the whole idea today.

    • Turnbull is falling back on his Lawyering days defending too many rogues..He has adopted THEIR signal defence..:
      “I didn’t do nuthin’..I didn’t do nuthin’…L,L,Like i said..; I didn’t do nuthin’ !”

  12. Let’s take a moment to look at this State / Federal model. We have a vast rich in resources / agricuture / infrastructure nation of less that 25 million people. We have highly organised, well structured State and Federal Governments. We have a well disciplined / well trained workforce and a lot of young people more than willing to learn and build their own future.

    We have capacity to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
    We have capacity for all to live a productive life.
    We have capacity for all to achieve their ambitions.
    We can embrace many cultures and religions.

    We just do not at the moment have a government with ANY CAPACITY to govern for all the country.

    Solution..; simple ; get rid of this trashy govt’ !

  13. it might actually be worth reading that Mark Kenny piece:

    http://www.smh.com.au/comment/mr-smiley-starts-to-show-his-mettle–turnbull-not-just-a-friendlier-abbott-20160330-gnuqmb.html

    On the face of it, it looks like a Turnbull-polishing piece. But as I read it through I got a heavy sense of, “Please forgive me, my editors made me write a puff piece!!” There are plenty of caveats in it. The list of Turnbull’s ‘achievements’ since becoming PM is described as impressive only when compared to Abbott’s (which was basically nothing), and Kenny has trouble making them look substantial. Defence white paper, innovation (not an achievement so much as an empty word), tax reform (not achieved yet and merely a brainfart), ABCC which is currently stranded, and cross-bench Senate reform, which has done untold damage to the reputations of both himself and the Greens.

    And Kenny does spend a lot of the article on Morrison being out of the loop. And another substantial bit on the notion that Turnbull might be doing a Rudd.

    And his pitch to the premiers to restructure the states’ tax powers is described as “by no means impossible”. Talk about faint praise.

  14. Checked out 2GB to see if Truffles’ brain fart is getting a run. Just in time to hear Hadley talking about the ICAC stuff, lead in describing Arfur as “Arthur Sinodinos, the man who turned his back on former Prime Minister Tony Abbott.” . Don’t think Arfur will be getting much sympathetic coverage in 2GBland.

  17. Re reform jugs, have a bid in on this one:

    Treacle glazed but otherwise typical reform flask:

    Lord Russell is holding a scroll that bears the words ‘The True Spirit of Refom’ and was the chief architect of the great ‘Reform Act’ of 1832.

  19. gorgeousdunny

    In response to your tweet

    The last three she wrote were all bold, different, forward looking etc., Just like the msm initial reaction to the 2014 budget. Some of them have had a bit to time to actually think before they write and starting to back off, see the faults. The Messiah is starting to lose a bit of sparkle.

    • Still doesn’t see that there will be a race to the bottom. Still mesmerised by the web of bullshit Maladroit spins.

    • Voters in remote areas want ASs to be resettled there. While BOATS! is now a negative for the Libs any indication the boats will start again will see that sentiment change 180° overnight. Labor needs a nuanced policy including a real offshore processing centre.

  21. Today’s COAG will be a bit testy.

    Malcolm Turnbull accused of ‘doing a runner’ on public schools ahead of key COAG meeting

    Mr Andrews accused Mr Turnbull of an ambush on federation reform, saying he first learnt of his income tax proposal on the front page of a newspaper.
    “I won’t have a situation where the Prime Minister conveniently steps away from state schools when he is facing years five and six of Gonski,” he said.
    “This is like skipping the bill, doing a runner: I don’t really want to pay that money so I will have a discussion about ceding responsibility for state education to somebody else.”

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/malcolm-turnbull-accused-of-doing-a-runner-on-public-schools-ahead-of-key-coag-meeting-20160331-gnvp19.html#ixzz44Wvd2bVP

  23. I am finding it somewhat amusing that the waffling git has plunged his fan gallery of journalists into confusion as he announces brain fart after brain fart….all of them are loudly asking what the hell he’s thinking and even whether he wants to lose this election.

    Not one of these smartarsed pseudo-journos seem to have even considered that the git hasn’t a clue about how to run a two-seat dunny, let alone a country. It is to be hoped that the voters have discarded the rose coloured glasses they got as freebees from the Coalition and its backers, and will chuck out this mob of incompetents before we reach the point of no return.

    • ” Not one of these smartarsed pseudo-journos…”
      Thoroughly agree…These dickhead “journo’s” have run the whole gamut , from wonderment, to exhortiment, to examinent, to curiousment, to perplexment and are now back to a kind of wonderment !…a-bloody -mazing!…I can see them all gathered at their fav’ watering hole and asking themselves :
      “How the F did we get here?”

      It is amazing when one can peruse the rising and falling “mood” on social media much as one reads a heart-beat on a hospital machine to read the reality of direction of this bunch of fools.

    • We all commented on Harcher’s extolling the new PM. on “What must be done”…hey…duhh!…where now mr pin-stripe dickhead?

      Journo Cameos :
      # 5
      The Ambulance officer and the policeman compared notes outside the suburban bungalow…the “deceased” was on a trolley next to them…the corpse was covered with a sheet.
      “…and the name, is it Hartcher or Hatcher?”…..
      “Hatcher, H-a-t-c-h-e-r…for god’s sake get that right.” the policeman said “I booked a senior-cit’ for D.U.I. the other night and he insisted he check I had the spelling correct for his first name…’Piers’, he said..’ P-i-e-r-s’…good job he spelt it out…I had it down as ‘ PLIERS’ ..so gotta get it right!”
      They turned their attention to the deceased..The sheet was strangely raised “tent-like” at about mid-way down the corpse..the copper winced ;
      ” Death by misadventure, I’d say….are you going to extract that thing?” The ambulance officer raised both his hands flat
      “Not me!…I’ll leave THAT to the pathology chap!…that’s why we’ve got him on his stomach…too hard.”
      The policeman looked closely at the “offending object”…
      ” What IS that thing?”….
      The ambulance officer brought out his “i pad” and punched in some letters…
      ” There, on Wikipedia…it’s a oriental fly-whisk….I’d even go so far to say it could be very similar to the one shown. He picked it up in Sarawak last spring, according to his partner…loved it…it was part of his “get-up”……
      “Get-up?” queried the copper…The ambulance officer took him to one side of the ambulance.
      “It seems he used the whisk “inserted” as a tail-piece,” he lowered his voice “…. they “role play” but in a different way….to get off…in a sex-romp thingy and he accidently fell backwards….according to the surviving partner ; “Rooster in the Hen-house”..HE was the rooster, the partner was the hen…that’s why he has the feather coated mittens on and the “cocks-comb” shower-cap….” the ambulance officer made little flapping motions ..”.. wings.., you know?”…
      The policeman looked at him strangely…
      “NO!…I don’t know!…but I get what you mean…just how far in has that handle gone?…it looks chockers!”….the ambulance officer dropped the sheet back down and sighed..
      “Dunno, but I reckon it’ll take a three-armed clamp and a hydraulic puller to remove it!…if that wiki-pic is anything to go by…that end knob looks nasty!”
      “What was his occupation?”….the policeman checked his clipboard…he read out ;
      “It seems..he was some sort of political adviser…to…to….phew!”…he showed the clipboard to the ambulance officer, who upon recognising the name immediately took from his pocket his mobile phone and pushed the camera option…the policeman did the same…
      “..just for the record.”…..
      “same”, said the policeman.

    • They backed Rudd against Julia, then Abbott against Rudd, now they’re backing Turnbull against a much smarter man: Shorten. They let down the best of the lot: Julia of course. Now they want us to keep reading their nonsensical articles. I have no respect for them.

  25. Janice

    Well said. I hit the like button on posts, but refuse to use the reply button, otherwise you have to scroll back to see the comments.

  26. You’ve got to give it to Birmingham, Leone. He fronts the media after every brainfart from his “leader” with a straight face as he finds the same old words to make a supporting case. It makes no difference to Birmingham that he is obliged to do an about face the next day or the next week!

    • He’s not all that bright. He’s just like a trained parrot – rattles off what he has been taught to say and doesn’t understand a word of it. (Sorry parrots, you are all so much brighter than Birmo.)

  27. By my rough calculations we’ve still got 13 out of the 15 weeks of the election campaign to go.What’s next?
    Fiona it would almost be a worthwhile exercise to theme a Friday night on inventing the most ludicrous policies Turdbull will come up with over the next 13 weeks

  31. I’m going to my first “politics in the pub” next Wed. saw the notice from the Aus institute on twitter – Cathy Wilcox is at the Uni Pub (Canbera) on “the role of cartoons and political cartoonists in political commentary” I thought this would be worth listening too as (many here have observed) the cartoonists seem to be the only ones in the CPG who have a clue…

  32. The states have turned down Turnbull’s tax brain fart

    Presser now under way.

    • L2 – don’t you go along and watch adoringly whenever your local Nat has a press conference to claim credit for initiatives negotiated by former ALP govt/oakeshott..?

    • Can’t. I don’t think our newly redistributed MP (fondly known as Pruneface here) even knows where Port Macquarie is.

      The old bloke rarely appeared in public anyway. He is widely known as The Invisible Man around here, a title his successor will inherit.

    • I still have issue with his commentary on Tasmania

      TASMANIA: ALP would win Election

      No they wouldn’t, the best they could hope for from these primaries is a hung parliament

    • Primary vote: Liberals 39.5% (down 3.5%), ALP 33% (up 2.5%), Greens 21.5% (unchanged) and Independents/ Others 6% (up 1%).

  34. Simon Birmingham now locked in a room learning his new spiel on education funding.

  38. The lack of health funding was blamed on Julia Gillard by both Turnbull andd that loon from WA. It was all HER fault, she left them a black hole ….. blah blah blah.

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