Bad joke Easter.

What do you call a happy Easter Bunny?

Easter-Bunny-Free-HD-Wallpaper-35A Hop tomist. What a classic.

How much does a pirate charge for a earring?

can-stock-photo_csp1051756

A Bucc an ear.   

What do you get hanging off banana trees?

williams-banana-tree-banana-plant-6

Sore Arms. How I laughed.

There you go folks I can’t tell any more as it’s hard to see the screen from wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.

Add your own and a prize will be given for the funniest joke of Easter.

Sometimes it’s good to forget the bad and be silly. If your driving over the break please be careful and stay safe

388 thoughts on “Bad joke Easter.

    • Wilson, with those teeth could be a budding “Sir Les Patterson”…and young Jimmy Patterson perhaps ; “Billy McMahon” ?

  1. Bob Ellis, last Saturday.

    Bob’s wife, Anne, gave Independent Australia the following update yesterday:

    It became clear towards the end of last week that Bob was just getting weaker and weaker to the point where he could hardly write or move around. A blood test on Friday and then a CT scan on Tuesday and other symptoms made it that the liver cancer was resurgent, and also in the affected lymph nodes. Within an hour or so of the CT scan, it was decided that we would go for the new immunology treatment called Keytruda and do it before Easter. Because Bob’s cancer is quite rare, there are no trials relating to it, but we can buy it treatment by treatment, aiming for four to start with.

    He had the first one yesterday, and strangely began to seem a little better. He asked for a pillow to write on and sushi and Easter eggs and felt really hungry for the first time for a while. He is in bed, and I just asked how he was feeling and he said ‘Pretty good’. We don’t know if this will work and we don’t know if it will be deceptive, like the first series of the chemo, and seem to be working and then will fail. But it is really the last option. Had he gone on as he was, it seems likely it would have been a matter of weeks or perhaps a month or two.

    Anne also mentioned that the cost of the Keytruda treatment was very expensive ($4,479 per treatment) and that she was taking on additional work to pay for it.

    https://independentaustralia.net/politics/politics-display/desperate-times-for-australian-literary-legend-bob-ellis,8817#.Vvhu1V8FJRk.twitter

  2. About Ms Brown Rhiannon, five years ago.

    Plenty more there

    The Green’s party room in Canberra is normally a place inhabited by tree-hugging, bike-riding, industry-hating and quaintly inconsequential zealots where there’s a lot of smoke but very little fire. All that’s about to change come 1 July, when the Greens will hold the balance of Senate power and a seismic shift will take place in the nation’s political landscape. And at the epicentre of this shift will be a grey-haired matron from New South Wales named Lee Rhiannon.

    Rhiannon comes to Canberra fresh from causing massive problems for the Greens in New South Wales and, if her past is any indication of her future, then the Federal Greens are in for a torrid time. And that means lots more media scrutiny than they’ve been subjected to in the past.

    Rhiannon’s most recent snafu was denying she’d marched at an anti-Israel rally last June with the infamous Sheikh Taj el-Din Hilaly (who once likened scantily clad Aussie women to pieces of cat meat), and was then forced to fess up when shown photographic evidence. Other problems she caused Bob Brown were refusing to step down from her seat in the NSW Upper House when running for the Senate, and for using her parliamentary office for her campaign.

    http://www.spectator.co.uk/2011/04/and-you-thought-bob-brown-was-scary/

  3. Good news for the Pub’s feline patrons. After reporting its demise yesterday it looks like The Lion(ess) of Al-Lat ‘lives’ . Boss cocky of antiquities in Syria after viewing video from the liberated city of Palmyra said that although damaged it looks like it can be restored.

    • Good news. From what I was seeing yesterday I hoped it might be able to be rebuilt or restored. From the photo you posted last night it looks like a lot of restoration had been done before the vandals attacked it. Back to square one now, probably.

  4. Someone really has it in for Eric Abetz.

    The other day I posted a link to a SMH piece on a dodgy land deal that made Eric a millionaire.

    Now Eric stories are everywhere, and none of them are flattering. My Facebook news feed is full of posts about his shonky land sale and other Eric stories.

    Funny, isn’t it, how this self-righteous, oh-so-moral Christianist who tells us the world will end if gays are allowed to marry is perfectly OK with ripping off governments and tax-payers for his own financial gain.

    North Coast Voices summarises most of it with the SMH piece, and a link to a 2010 expose of the deal, backed up by documents. It’s a lot of reading, but worth it.

    Australian Federal Election 2016: how Liberal Senator for Tasmania Eric Abetz is said to have become a millionaire in 2005
    http://northcoastvoices.blogspot.com.au/2016/03/australian-federal-election-2016-how.html

    Over the weekend Fairfax’s Good Weekend ran this long piece about Eric, in which he has a good sook about being given the boot from Turnbull’s cabinet.
    Senator Eric Abetz: why dumping me was a big mistake
    Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull booted Tony Abbott’s employment minister Eric Abetz to the backbench.
    http://www.smh.com.au/good-weekend/senator-eric-abetz-why-dumping-me-was-a-big-mistake-20160311-gngg6e.html#ixzz449Ww7CzZ

    And, from 2014, a piece about the secret donors to the Tasmanian Liberal Party, which ties in with the NSW donations scandal and, of course, Arthur Sinodonis.
    Who are the invisible major donors behind the Tasmanian Liberal Party? http://tasmaniantimes.com/index.php?%2Fweblog%2Farticle%2Fwho-are-the-invisible-major-donors-behind-the-tasmanian-liberal-party%2F#sthash.PBxqdRwS.rfPysCD4.dpuf

    • “…is perfectly OK with ripping off governments and tax-payers for his own financial gain. “..But THEY do not really do anything illegal…civilly illegal that is…but just morally reprehensible…like Turnbull’s Cayman Islands accounts..they just draw a thick line under the legalities of their financial dealings and call them “investments”..a bit like Fagan and his “little helpers”.

  5. http://www.pipingshrike.com/2016/03/book-review-niki-savvas-road-to-ruin.html a good read

    https://meanjin.com.au/essays/the-economy-of-best-perceptions/

    http://ausvotes2016.com.au/2016/03/26/turnbull-at-a-gate/

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-28/former-malaysian-attorney-general-planned-to-confront-pm/7278226

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-03-28/victorian-mp-fiona-richardson-reveals-history-of-family-violence/7276276

  6. On the case of the Newcastle break and entry man who got killed..:

    “They’ve lost their father, their beautiful father that they haven’t seen for years because he was in jail, which has nothing to do with this case,” Ms Dickson said.

    I don’t know what he was in jail for, probably petty crime, but you gotta admit to yourself sometime..: If the job you do demands too many “call-backs” to fix your mistakes, give that job away…try something different.

  7. Some excellent , most excellent news about the “non sniping, no wrecking , no undermining” NE and Truffles. PvO on Sky ” I can tell you from first hand conversations and even from having viewed text messages that Tony Abbott sends to his colleagues, that he is well and truly sniping behind the scenes”

  8. More from PvO. Commenting on Abbott’s promise of no sniping , no wrecking , no undermining.
    .
    [PvO] “And he did say there will ne no sniping, no undermining, no wrecking, so let’s call a spade a spade on this Easter Monday, now that I know it is not a religious holiday, it is BULLSHIT. It is exactly what he is doing. It is exactly what he is doing.”

    • I sent a tweet to ABC news suggesting they would be better investigating corruption here in Aust’ and leave the Malaysian to look after their own patch…at least you wouldn’t get arrested……yet!

  9. You wouldn’t want to be in Eden-Monaro for quids over the next few months. Every spare moment they get Tony or Waffles will be down there for yet another stunt.

    The locals don’t seem very interested in the things Waffles says matter.

    ‘It’s a mess isn’t it?’: Voters in the bellwether seat of Eden-Monaro have their say on the state of politics
    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/its-a-mess-isnt-it-voters-in-the-bellwether-seat-of-eden-monaro-have-their-say-on-the-state-of-politics-20160324-gnq5ek.html#ixzz449v6f47H

  10. Australia’s ranking by Transparency International re “corruption” has, from memory, declined each year of the Coalition’s rule. Duck’s mob keep topping the “least corrupt” ranking.

  11. I tried Leroy’s (I think) tip about hitting the ‘x’ to be able to read pay walled articles and it works on my computer using chrome.

  12. kk

    Duck’s mob keep topping the “least corrupt” ranking.

    They’re all f’ken ‘GREENS’ over there.

  13. We have one of the biggest Huntsmen spiders I’ve ever seen. It’s taken a pozzie in the corner of the ceiling, right above where we sit to watch telly.

    It appears to be the diameter of a dinner plate.

    HI was wondering what crawled over her last night. At the time, she jumped up and asked me to check. “Nothing there, darling,” I said with the easy insouciance of someone who didn’t want to really know. I was wrong. Eeeeeew! It crawled over her…… sheesh.

    We have a spider-catcher thingmy – a sort-of nylon brush contraption with a trigger that you can use to bunch the bristles up together when you get near the spider, catching it in the confusion.

    The guy we bought it from had a stall at one of the ABC Home Shows. He had a tame Huntsman he used to demo the thing to the squealing crowds. But the Huntsman knew all the tricks. It’d been trapped in the gadget so many times that the first move it made – when placed in the empty fish tank the showman used for demos – was to execute a side-step worthy of Jarryd Hanes in Grand Final extra time.

    It really works, too (which is amazing in itself). But sadly, last time I used it (last year) I broke one of the spider’s legs, and the magpies got him just as he’d almost dragged himself across the deck on the remaining seven. I don’t want to do that again, so it looks like the old bowl-with-a-piece-of-paper-slipped-under-it trick.

    Only problem is it’s up quite high and I’ll be on my tippy-toes trying to reach it from the step ladder. In those situations you get one go at it, and one go only. They look like they’re asleep… but they’re not, really.

    We had one that I knocked off the ceiling once. It hid along a skirting board, the top lip of it, about 1/2 an inch wide. Four legs east and four legs west. It made itself into a piece of brown fluff about 5 inches long. Did I forget to say they’re smart, too?

    Then there was the other one that appeared to be dead. It had holed up in a farm-stay bed-and-breakfast we stayed at in Gulgong. They closed up the room for 2 weeks before we came along, and the poor creature had nothing to eat, plus it was extremely cold Outback. It fell to the floor when I brushed it with the feather duster and just stayed there, flopsy-doodle like. I picked it up with a piece of paper I slid undrneath it, and put it outside. There it remained – dead – until next morning, until the rising sun warmed it up. Geez, it was quick. a word of advice: don’t get your face 3 inches from a warmed-up Huntsman and blow on it to see if it’s awake. It probably is.

    And who hasn’t had one that was on the outside of the windscreen, and when you get out (in a hurry) is suddenly on the inside?

    Fly spray doesn’t kill them, nor Baygon. They are true , strong, resilient and brave. Who wants to kill them anyway? They’re just doing what spiders do.

    I simply wish it wasn’t right above where we watch the telly.

    • True. Spiders AND insects are extremely smart, also “strong, resilient and brave”. If only I weren’t so scared I’d admire them even more. In the meantime I’m just fascinated by the over-zealous ants trying to get onto the sugar before winter sets in.

    • Ugh. You know how I feel about spiders,. Around here there are rules, and if those damn huntsmen are as smart as you say then they are capable of understanding the rules. Spiders are to stay outside, away from the house, and that includes staying away from the verandah and the car. I’ve done the ‘OMG! There’s a huntsman in the car’ thing too many times to want repeat performances. However, they just don’t get the rules. I killed the last intruder in (Eeek!) my bedroom just a couple of weeks ago.

      Spiders that venture inside these days get the Baygon and vacuum cleaner treatment. The Baygon slows them down, the vacuum cleaner sucks them up while they are incapacitated. I’m on my own here, an old lady has to deal with spiders in the best way she can, and I’m not up for eight-legged pets. Besides, be kind to then and they tend to have babies, hundreds of the little buggers. Just ask No 1 Son what happened when he kindly allowed a huntsman to become a flatmate.

      I have had a huntsman crawl over me. Just once, years ago. I still shudder when I think about it. It woke me up, and being a bit dazed I saw the thing on the wall, next to my bed, and thought it was the power point that is also next to the bed. Then I realised power points don’t have legs, and are rectangular, not spider-shaped and suddenly I was wide awake. It was huge! I’ve had smaller kittens. No 2 son, who was the only one in the house at that time not totally freaked out by spiders was rudely roused from sleep and instructed to deal with the thing while I headed off to the safety of the lounge for the rest of the night. I survived the night, the huntsman did not.

      I’m a sook when it comes to animals, there’s this big flashing sign out the front that only animals can see. It says ‘Sucker!. In the time I’ve lived here there have been many cats, dogs, birds, possums and koalas turn up and request room and board, and all of them have been fed, watered and passed on to people better able to care for them properly. Except for certain cats, of course …….. But there has to be a line drawn, spiders are not welcome.

    • Spiders that venture inside these days get the Baygon and vacuum cleaner treatment.

      Years ago I was on my own when I had such a visitor. I took the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed it, and then quickly put the VC on the verandah. You won’t believe it. The spider crawled out. It seemed unaffected. So you don’t really need Baygon.That stuff makes them suffer.

    • That happened with our old Sanyo, the vacuum cleaner that sucked in more ways than one.

      Now I have a Dyson. Nothing escapes from that.

  14. BK

    When you log on to a paywalled article click the ‘x’ where the refresh button (the semi-circle with the arrow head) before the refresh button arrives and the page will stop loading at that point, before the paywall need to pay overides the article.

    I hope that explains it if not just try refreshing this page and watch what happens at the refresh button, hopefully that will help you see what I mean.

  15. BK

    Leroy
    March 26, 2016 at 4:52 PM
    I have no trouble reading unlimited The Saturday Paper articles.

    All you do is, go to the link, open it, and as it is loading and the text flashes up, hit the X button where the refresh button normally is and freeze it in place before the request to subscribe overwrites everything. You can now read the full article free! If you don’t succeed at first, refresh and freeze the page a couple of time until you get it timed right. I do this on a normal windows PC/laptop, not sure how you would go on any other setup.

    Give it a go…

  16. CK
    I did my test on The Australian which was too quick for me. With The Advertiser and The Saturday Paper it worked OK.
    Thanks

  17. BK

    What can I say? It must be tough having such fast broadband pour you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I was at a Telstra stand at a shopping centre pushing the NBN in the area, we talked about the mess that the libs had created but he defended it for all he was worth. Saying such rubbish as only 20% speed reduction using copper. I said to OH “I bet he voted for Tony Abbott” to which he laughed but didn’t deny it.

    If anyone from the younger generations voted for the libs then the words Turkey and Christmas come to mind.

    • The rule I use is ; If they don’t deny it, then they did it!…any self-respecting Labor person or green would emphatically deny it!

    • Flies, mosquitoes etc aren’t a problem here, the window screens are so tight nothing gets in. Except the odd very determined spider.

      The kitties take care of the moths.

      I’d much rather spray flies and mozzies, if they get in, than have another giant huntsman crawl over me at 2 in the morning. And then there’s the baby spider problem. Those babies are vicious, I suppose they have to be, to survive, and I do not want a house full of the little buggers.

  18. Just cruising over The Guardian online stories, I have to ask: Where does one go for a bit of “REAL” reality…the absurdity of the reported news is getting so ridiculous that I couldn’t seriously want to open any of the sites.

    I think I’d rather tell stories than gawk at the gruesome reality that is on offer these days!

    The world has gone crazy!

  19. BK

    I assumed that it was Mbps. When I first got my adsl2+ I was getting 7 – 7 1/2Mbps now its down to 5 1/2 Mbps which is a bit less than the 1000 Mbps possible on fttp, bloody trogluddites!!!!!!!!!!

    • Looxery!…out here we’ve all been dumped on Telstra’s mobile broadband…and that seems to include everything from hand-helds, android devices to PC.s and that bloody digital tele!…so of course, when the kids get out from school and flick on their smart-phones, the spectrum gets sucked away over to the Barossa like those spiders into Leone’s hoover!

      Even today, I can’t even refresh this site without repetitive clicking on the ” Can’t find, try again” box.

  20. Why can’t you leave the huntsman, they eat flies mosquitos moths etc

    No problem with that at all. Just not inside.

    There’s a perfectly insect-and-moth-infested laundry downstairs that this Boris (funny how all their names happen to be “Boris”, isn’t it?) will just LERVE when he’s relocated.

  21. Is my memory faulty ? David “Britney” Speers on Sky said “In that first budget…….Both Tony Abbott and Joe Hockey made quite a big deal about the fact in that budget they were not proceeding with some $80 billion dollars worth of health and education funding.”.

    I could have sworn Joe and Abbott swore blind that they were NOT cutting anything and indeed increasing funds. The $80 billion claims were mere scare tactics from Labor. Meanwhile of course ‘Britney’ and co. reported as fact the HoJo + NE bulldust.

    • If I had a beer I would be crying into it

      We offer 1,000Mbps FTTH broadband to every property in our coverage area within North West England, costing households only £30 per month.

    • yeah but you’re always doing the service and lube bit on it..just like the trucks!

    • Me too, no problems at all.

      Six month old PC, designed for W10, but ordered with W7 installed because when I bought it W10 was still a bit buggy, waited for a while until all the early bugs in W10 had been sorted out and then just pushed the button and let it do its thing.

    • It’s a mathematical thing really…When you get paid so much per brick for laying, you’d have to work bloody fast or long hours to make that much dosh at his age!

      AND the jobs would all have to be straight runs (no corners or lintels).

  22. yeah but you’re always doing the service and lube bit on it..just like the trucks!

    I don’t own trucks any more. Nor a euro car. A plain old falcon ute and a small get around town car for the OH and the boys.

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