The Warren Report

Today’s Guest Poster is our very own Puffy the Magic Dragon. It is – I hope – the start of a new series. Charge your glasses, fellow Pubsters, as we embark on a voyage of discovery!

(Image Credit: Watership-Down-Under)

Tithy snuggled down in his dark, cosy, clean-earth-scented bunk-room in the Great Southern Warren, twitching his rabbit ears for sounds of returning bunnies. He knew they had gone for a forage, looking for new patches of sweet plants to eat. Tithy stayed behind, resting with a headache. Thinking of eagles, and Willie, gave him migraines.

Tithy sighed loudly. It was hard being Top Rabbit. It was easier before he won the Big Count last season. Now everyone wanted everything sorted. They chattered throughout the night about how they needed new tunnels or how they did not like the new roster for tunnelling. Then there was Jinny who wanted to dig a new warren wing all for herself, even if it meant moving some of the Elders.

The kitchen staff kept complaining that the food supply was getting lower. But the young rabbits were too busy playing hide-and-seek because no-one was teaching them how to find the best food. All the older folk were not happy about doing daily food forages when the young ones were not learning anything, and they all expected him to fix it.

Tithy called for Mellie. She kindly shifted the cold compress between his ears, and said, ‘Tithy, my dear, you cannot stay here. Look at your stick-board. You have a visit to the hospital wing this afternoon, a session in the kitten nursery, and you are opening the new gym tomorrow morning. Remember your words, “A fit rabbit is a happy rabbit”.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’

Mellie boxed Tithy’s ears. ‘Are you listening to me? GET UP.’

‘OK, OK. But when do I get a holiday?’

‘You had one last month, remember – you spent a week, well two days actually, with the Elders on level five.’

‘I said holiday. Not work. If I claim travel carrots for it, it is not a holiday. We agreed on that in parley time.’

Mellie kicked Tithy right on his white tail. When he bounced back off the wall, he gave in, and whimpered, ‘I am up already, see. Where is everyone?’

‘Well, Slotto is waterboarding er bathing those rabbits who came down to the door of the warren saying they are running from a brushfire.’

Tithy replied, with a grimace, ‘They did smell of smoke but that could be a screen. Ha ha, Mellie. Smoke-screen. I made a joke. Smoke. Screen. Smoke-screen.’

She gave Tithy an indulgent smile. ‘Yes, dear.’

Meanwhile, out In The Bush, the foraging party came across some succulent wild melon plants. The green vines, huge leaves, and fat yellow melons nestling on the bank of the quiet creek were magnificent. They saw no less than ten melons, each the size of a rabbit’s hind leg.

The arguing started immediately. ‘Let’s chew off this one at the base and take it all back to the kitchen. Everyone will be thrilled. We will get a fern crown for sure,’ said Histo-Purr in his squeaky voice. His vocal cords had never quite grown up.

‘Don’t be a dunce, just take those nice ripe melons, they will make fantastic melon sauce to have with our mushroom bake. And when the next melon ripens we can get more. We can have melons all Warm Season!’ rejoiced Willie.

‘Aw, not you again, you always rabbit on so. Stopping us from our fun. We don’t need more later, there is always another plant. And don’t start on that grassfire nonsense. Three of our wise ones said it will never happen. We are listening to them!’ yelled Hoek as he pulled up the plant. ‘Come on guys, er and girlies, grab a vine and help me carry it home.’

(Image Credit: An American in Australia)

Tithy met them at the tunnel door. He waved a eucalyptus leaf back and forth in their honour, and led the foraging party down the tunnel to the parley room. All the rabbits were waiting. Top Rabbit Tithy proclaimed a holiday. (Except for the cleaners. And the female rabbits. Of course.)

‘See, I told you I had it all worked out. And look at our brave Forage Rabbits. They deserve a fern crown, and shall have one!’ (‘Except for Willie,’ he whispered to Mellie.)

Laura shouted very loudly, ‘But what about the smokey rabbits? That is three this week and two the week before. They say they had to hop fast from their warren as smoke was all over the place. They say it is getting hotter and windier on the plains and no grass is growing.’

Kindo spoke softly, ‘We should bring the smokey rabbits in here, give them some green tea and ask what happened. We need to know what might happen to our own warren.’

Morin jumped up. ‘This is a great warren, a safe warren. We have a great leader, our Tithy. Since he took over from Scarlet, you can see how much safer it is. We do not have to move. We have food and the dingos are far away. Nothing is going to happen to OUR home. These smokeys, they say there is no food in their plain. So they are coming here for OUR food, soon there will be enough plains rabbits to take over and throw us out. And those stories of smoke, they are lies, We all know plains rabbits are sneaks.’

Orda chimed in. ‘Yes, Laura and Morin are right. We must stop the plains rabbits. Drive them away. And anyone who does not want to help can get out!’

Not all the rabbits thumped in agreement but the ones who did thumped very loudly. The wet rabbits in the cells could feel it and wondered where the common rabbit-code had gone to in this strange warren.

Tithy raised his hand. ‘Now, now. Let me and my mini-stares think on the best thing to do. Just trust me.’ More enthusiastic thumping followed this proclamation. It went on and on because no-one wanted to be seen to be the first to stop. In the end, Mellie gave a throat slitting gesture and silence immediately prevailed.

Tithy, his day’s work done, settled in his bunk room to scratch out a speech to give at the kitten nursery. The smokey plains rabbits dripped water from their fur, way down in level 25, the one with the thickest walls.

The rabbit-brethren gathered for Melon Soup, and in the High Dining Room, the Top Rabbit and his Mini-Stares dined on sauté melon chunks and roasted melon root.

In a private tunnel, Willie and his followers met to plan.

‘The next Big Count is not for another six moon rises. This warren could fall in soon. Really collapse. No one is repairing the walls properly any more, there are leaks in the right quadrant and the roof is getting soft. Our young ones are not being taught how to burrow safely and no-one is looking after the old rabbits. And meanwhile Tithy just plays games and writes speeches. Willie has to win the next Big Count,’ said Tani-Ash. She was a wise rabbit.

Willie stroked the ground with his foot, and smiled his usual calm smile.

‘Just remember that song, my friends. Run Tithy, run.’

(Image Credit: Animalzfun)

396 thoughts on “The Warren Report

  1. [Must be remembering the things his dad fought against during the war …]

    Dental decay at East Sale for 18 months?

  2. One of my puppies, Minnie Chelsea ran onto the road tonight and got hit by a car but luckily was not run over by the wheels.

    She is in hospital with a suspected damaged hip. X-rays in the morning. My son was leaving with his dogs and she slipped out. I should have secured her before the door was opened.

    She has pain relief and we await the vet’s advice in the morning. My son saw it and was screaming. The driver stopped to help.

    I am hoping it is a simple dislocation or just bruising. 😦

  3. I will try to organise a SA Chapter Shindig for a Sunday so that working week so more can attend.

    We had a nice lunch at the Angus Creek Winery and had a good discussion about lots of things, including but not restricted to, politics.

    Little Black Duck and later on Mrs Duck, BK, Political Animal and his Mum, and myself enjoyed some local food and wines.

    As I gave a lift to Political Animal and his Mum (car troubles for them), one the way back we stopped in Strathalbyn at some antique shops. I bought an old fashioned brace to put bits in for drilling wood.

    I reckon Rabbott, Heydon and a few others would have had burning ears. We discussed SA prospects for the ALP and agreed that Senator X could take a slice of Lib voter pool at the next fed election.

    Most of us had the dessert consisting of red wine poached pears, red wine ice-cream, and cream. My rating on that one is ‘sensational’.

    I hope to organise the next one in Adelaide and on a day where more can attend, this one was worked around our interstate visitor, The Little Black Duck. It was wonderful to meet up with him and Mrs Duck and for the SA Chapter to meet them.

    Thank you everyone.

  4. Thank you to the gallant Pubsters who insisted on paying for my lunch, You know who you are. That was very kind.

    Also to Political Animal and his Mum for gifting me a particularly pretty vase.

    Truly lovely people, all of you.

  5. email from ALP

    Thank you so much to everyone who came along to help out at the national phone banking night last night. Together Labor activists and volunteers across the country joined me to make 5277 calls to voters in Canning.

    I can’t stress enough just how valuable this direct contact with people in our area is for our campaign for Canning. Research,and common sense, consistently shows that talking to people directly, be it over the phone or in person, is the best way to get our message out.

  6. Ramblings out of Mordor, seems that the Viagra is beginning to have long term side effects.

    @rupertmurdoch: Seems capture of federal Labor leadership by corrupt violent unions. Govt must push on with reforms for sake of all sides or hold snap poll.

    @rupertmurdoch: Great progress made with Asia trade agreements by Minister Robb. Now need close China FTA. Big chance for food, healthcare, jobs.

    @rupertmurdoch: Country almost ungovernable with any Senate majority impossible for either side to execute. Bilateral agreement to change urgent if unlikely

    @rupertmurdoch: Only hope is new poll with govt of all the talents ready to work together with clear mandate for reform, bringing in new, young able people

    @rupertmurdoch: Meanwhile world commodity prices in long term collapse as outrageous construction costs kill infrastructure projects.

    @rupertmurdoch: Extreme greenies, increasing in support hold balance. Against growth and subsequent jobs. Seem beyond reason.

    @rupertmurdoch: In spite of some blind spots, Abbott far the best alternative. Principled and a fighter.

  7. Leaving the country for a while, just in case Rupert can’t come up with any more Riveting Tweets I leave you with this one,

  8. “The ingenious idea of ​​a French research to advance the MH370”

    According to former naval officer, “the discovery, Reunion, the flaperon MH370 Boeing confirms, for the route of the South Equatorial Current, Australian assumptions search area”. It thus suggests “to dump in this area several drifting Argos followed continuously by the location system Argos satellite. Should be between 5 and 12 markers distributed evenly over the center of the search area currently defined by Australia. For a more convincing result, these tags could be placed inside the flaperon similar structures found in the Meeting. Indeed, a derived object is subject to both local wind and ocean current and the directions of their respective streams can be different from 5 ° to 10 ° in the area, “said the sailor.

  9. Mark Kenny tells us that Abbott’s Nazi comment goes to demonstrate his innate recklessness.
    Michelle Grattan says that two years on and pugilist Abbott leads a divisive and divided government. How’s that for a headline!
    The New York Times seems to have worked out our Tony!
    Stephen Koukoulas says Abbott’s claims on economic management now loom as his weakest point as the election nears.
    Ross Garnaut certainly had Abbott worked out.
    Probably worth considering.
    Jess Irvine uses Norway to show where we went wrong with our budgetary planning.
    Peter Wicks wonders if Abbott will last until Christmas. A pretty good read.
    Why doesn’t Murdoch just go away and decay!
    Shorten doubles down on the China FTA.

  10. Section 2 . . .

    While Mark Kenny reckons he’s on a loser.
    Waleed Aly doesn’t lime the concept of the “pub test”.–real-peoples-views-20150902-gjdy8y.html
    Bob Ellis has written a good long article for The Independent Australia.,8127
    Stephen Koukoulas explains what a recession is.
    The DHS tells its staff that 1.5% is better than nothing, so suck it up.
    Meanwhile CentreLink customer complaints are soaring.
    Dear PM, stop robbing young Aussies of jobs.
    Can Australian telecoms be made more affordable?
    Yeah that’s right George.
    Raiding super is not the answer to affordable housing.

  11. Section 3 . . .

    Hungary says that the refugees swarming into Europe are Germany’s problem.
    Greg Jericho forensically examines the national accounts with his usual rigour.
    If a candidate doesn’t have the fortitude or honesty to disclose his religious beliefs is not worthy of consideration of a vote.
    Tony Abbott not in the business of ranking evil . . . but
    It’s a wide ranging “View from the Street” today.
    Andrew Leigh in the Huffington Post writes about the tax system and its reform.
    Tis SMH editorial has a look at Shorten’s post-Heydon difficulties.
    Potato Head is still sooking about the media – well, much of it.
    It’s possible Abbott’s shipping changes will lose us 1000 jobs.

  12. Section 4 . . . Cartoon Corner

    Alan Moir wonders about Labor’s intentions in Canning.

    Ron Tandberg and an unhappy driver.

    David Pope is really on a roll.

    Mark Knight on the Melbourne Metro strike.

    David Rowe just couldn’t resist using the opportunity presented by that unshorn sheep. And have a look at Abbott in the background. That’s an ominous sign.

  13. “The ingenious idea of ​​a French research to advance the MH370”

    Apparently he’s unfamiliar with l’effet papillon.

  14. “The DHS tells its staff that 1.5% is better than nothing, so suck it up.”

    Only if the 1.5% has no strings attached. As it stands, nothing is better than the offer on the table that slashes hard earned conditions.

  15. “All quiet on the Western Front?

    Islamic State: Australian air strike may have caused civilian casualties in Iraq, US report says”
    Will our leader say “Shit happens”?

  16. It showed a level of trickiness that was not obvious, at least to this writer, when he was a Howard government minister.

    In that case, Michelle, it’s more than time for you to hang up your boots.

  17. Michelle was ancient when I started uni. She has a very arcane writing style that has got more archaic over time, totally out of step with online content and a vastly increased population of chinglish speakers

    I too mourn the replacing of ‘passenger’, ‘patient’, ‘customer’ by the word ‘client’ and the subsequent loss of nuanced meaning but the English language moves on

  18. Looks like Fiona beat me to it, but I’ll say it anyway.

    Grattan tries to slip this clanger through:

    The way he handled same-sex marriage gave a sharp insight into his political character. It was not the fact that he punted it off. It was that, when the pressure came on after the Irish referendum, he encouraged Liberal supporters to get together a cross-party bill, while privately making it clear he intended to stifle the issue. It showed a level of trickiness that was not obvious, at least to this writer, when he was a Howard government minister.

    Oh, COME ON, Coke Bottles!

    Just about the only informed observers who couldn’t see Abbott wasn’t as tricky as a three-legged weasel were the Press Gallery.

    And most of their gullibility isn’t in the past tense. They’re still hoping he’ll flick the switch to statesmanship.


  19. Bushfire Bill,

    Like those rubber dolls from the late 1960s (?) that would always bounce back for another pummelling.

  20. Puff,

    If you’re reading, best of luck with doggy this morning. Fingers, toes and tail crossed.


  21. Our esteemed leader will now be sipping fancy cocktails from a coconut with one of those little flag thingmies popped into it.

  22. Fecking Baird government……NSW TAFE workers and teachers are to engage in ‘Enterprise Bargaining’ with the NSW government. A new ‘Guide to the Agreement’ has just been released. Despite all the flowery spin from the government about ‘creating a ‘more modern workplace with a flexible workforce’ it’s just more good old Liberal Party ‘Kick the Workers’ crap. Longer hours, sometimes at weekends (TAFE is closed at weekends) for the same, or more likely less pay. Wonderful! The PSA so far has been about as useful as a box of wet tissues.

    If you want to learn more then wade through all this –

    This comes during a major restructure that has been dragging on for over a year. TAFE is in chaos and the government’s agenda is clear. They don’t want TAFE at all. They are doing their best to kill it by cancelling popular courses, sacking staff, charging unrealistically high fees that are driving students away and by generally making life miserable for their employees.

    Fun fact – Did you know NSW TAFE is no longer part of the Department of Education? It has been relocated and is now under the wing of the Minister for Industry, Skills and Regional Development. Odd? You bet.

    The polls keep telling me Mike Baird is adored by NSW voters, more popular than chocolate at Easter.. Really? Who are they asking? His mum?

  23. Well done Mr Windsor!

    Tony Windsor
    Tony Windsor – ‏@TonyHWindsor

    @rupertmurdoch People have stopped listening to the rubbish you peddle . We love this country you deserted it

  24. BK

    Waleed Aly doesn’t lime the concept of the “pub test”.

    The so called ‘pub test’ has always had me scratching my head. A place full of people in various stages of inebriation is not the place I’d look for sage and measured opinion.

  25. A place full of people in various stages of inebriation is not the place I’d look for sage and measured opinion.

    Nevertheless, that and similar places are where a lot of voting decisions would be made. People talk in pubs, as well as drink.

  26. Told you so, said he’d do it.

    What a BASTARD! Using a tragedy to tell us the world needs to copy the miserable, heartless policies adopted by his useless, fracked-up rabble of a government. Yes I am cranky, and then some.

    Drowned Syrian toddler: Tony Abbott says ‘tragic’ picture a reminder of need to stop boats

    Richard Marles makes a good point about the need to increase our UNHCR funding, but Labor is also up to the neck in this cruel ‘we need to stop the drownings by acting like monsters’ lie.

  27. BB

    True but thinking of a number of pubs I’ve been to it’s a bit sad to think of any political decisions being made there 🙂

  28. BK

    Isn’t it a sobering thought to see that the US is seriously contemplating Donald Trump as President!

    A rich country that does not provide for its poor but still can spend huge amounts on its military and in support of Israel is capable of supporting anything.

  29. BK

    After recent headlines like these brace yourself for the Kardashian’s to enter the fray at some point 🙂 + 😦
    “Kanye West announces 2020 run for US president ”
    “Donald Trump hopes to ‘run against’ Kanye West in US presidential race after VMA bombshell”

    Ice Cube confirms vote for Kanye West as US President: ‘I’ll vote for him’

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